Rudeness of people increasing

[Honest1980]

Just that really - not sure whether it's just me or whether other people are experiencing this. Few examples.

Daughter getting braces. One of the admin there messed something up but since being really off with me. I had to send a email and she replied quite curtly. I will complain if happens again but why be so rude?

Ordered full length mirror off amazon, arrived smashed. Had to return it at evri parcelshop. As soon as I walked in with it shop keeper was rude to me firing loads of questions saying wouldn't be accepted because of size etc. Clearly didn't want to accept it. I had trouble scanning qr code, shop keeper shouting at me that I'm not holding phone properly. Really rude. He kept telling me how to hold phone to get qr on screen and I kept telling him qr code on screen between lines cannot understand why not scanning. I knew it was because he didn't want to accept parcel so that made me more stubborn to not take it elsewhere. I was really calm and polite. I asked him to please help me and he actually said "No I'm not going to help you". A few minutes later I said please help otherwise I'll be here all day. He was so rude "OK I'll do it but I'm not touching your phone if I drop and break it you'll sue me you're all the same". He took a picture and scanned it. Then went on about packaging that it better not fall apart etc. It was packaged well.

When I went out of shop I realised that I should have adjusted brightness on phone. I have returned lots of parcels fine. I go to that shop a lot but won't anymore. It's owners son I think, I've never seen him before.

Couple of people at work so rude. Work in large office. Some are in their 50s but act like school kids whispering, purposely blocking corridors when they know you want to get past, one was aghast that I took her lunch put of microwave when she had left it so I could use microwave.

People in shopping centres not moving put of way. Had instance of standing outside shop with my daughter while I looked for something in my bag, plenty of room behind me. Mum and dad with you son all holding hands walked right up to me and just stood there expecting me and my daughter to jump put of way despite being lots of room to.walk.round us. Then says really loudly "excuse you!". I just looked at him and said "walk around". He said something sarcastic when they did walk around.

Eating out. We generally have a good experience but some are so rude and unhelpful.

I know all the above sounds petty and everyone experiences same - and I can deal with it, might be annoyed for a bit but I move on. But it seems to happen a lot and I just wonder if people are becoming more rude and entitled.

Also, do you think that sometimes your appearance affects how you are treated? I've put on some weight (although am losing it now) and before I used to make effort with hair and make up. I've found when I've been my heaviest and not making effort with appearance people have been ruder to me than when I was slimmer and made effort.

Essay over!

Well your response is kind of an example of what lasting a lack of manners and wishing people round not be rude is all about .

Because pressing the housekeeping button on a hotel phone and saying “ Excuse me, I think room 36 need some assistance with nappy disposal, thanks” is actually far easier than knocking on their door and arguing with them about it. And saves rudeness and aggression.

Sorry “ lamenting” not lasting. I am lying down!

@Calliopespa I think I I remember the thread and the mum had left 2 or 3 shitty nappies outside her bedroom. So I can totally see why the op went as far as she did.

Maybe you should get some help if you feel like you're entitled to leave a poo filled nappy in communal area and feel like other people should help you out by calling house keeping for you instead of actually just putting your child's poo filled nappies in a bin outside, because you're a mother

Can't you see how unbelievably disgusting and entitled that is?

Thanks for this - there was that much room they could have still held hands and only had to steer a little to their left.

Agree also stress is not an excuse to be rude to people - especially to yell at them.

But I don’t think that.

I would never do it. Where have I said I endorsed the nappy family’s actions? They shouldn’t have done it.

But because they had, I’d have taken a low conflict approach. I don’t see what is to be celebrated about the style of altercation that took place. And that’s a prime example of exactly what I am meaning: people think anything that displeases them can (and should) be met with rudeness, when in fact there are normally other options. Maybe the hand-holders were annoyed by oP because in fact where she stood outside was exactly where they wanted/ had intended/ always walk. But an option besides getting rude was to just go round her. That doesn’t make them weak; it just means they have a healthy ability to self-regulate, find alternative solutions and pick their battles. Because honestly not every battle is worth fighting.

https://www.ted.com/talks/chris_turner_when_rudeness_in_teams_turns_deadly?subtitle=en

Very often people being rude has nothing to do with you, its a reflection on something they are going through, or the way they have been treated earlier that day. I found this TED talk really helpful to understand it, and to appreciate why even if some is rude, its important to try to be kind, as it 'pays forward', so then the next person they interact with they will hopefully be kinder and so on, like dominos.

So's the NHS.

I think you're a better person than I am. I am just wondering why, if I could pick up the phone to ring housekeeping and ask them to intervene, why can't the mother phone them and ask them if they can dispose of a stinky nappy for her rather than stinking out everyone else.

There’s a woman on my route to school, who sits at the bus stop with her empty pushchair blocking the path. Every time I’m passing with my pram, she makes an eye-rolling effort to move the pushchair a couple of millimetres. What is wrong with her?

Another thing. When shoppers are rude towards retail staff, most have never worked in retail or customer service. My friend who works in retail has asked this question to customers and everyone says no.

These people need their actions and speech recorded and played back. If they don’t flinch or feel ashamed- they are nasty people full stop!

Why is she sitting with an empty push chair? Has she dropped a child off somewhere?

I think you've had a bad run.

The other day in Pret I turned around quickly and had a moment where I almost stepped in front of a gentleman in the queue. He was standing quite far back from the counter and it wasn't really clear if he was waiting for a coffee or going forward. He glared at me so I paused. He then said excuse me I'm in the queue. I just looked at him, I suppose as usually in that situation the guy has said go ahead. He then said you were about to go in front of me. So I said no I just turned around.

It was so wierd and mildly aggressive.

Well the truth is she could - and should.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t do it, and, personally, because I don’t see it costs me anything (certainly nothing like sinking to the level of kicking dirty nappies round), I’d far rather just handle it that way.

You are right that not everyone thinks like that. But in my opinion that lies at the heart of op’s observation that the world seems so much ruder. People are much more inclined these days to think “why should I not lash out, I’m entitled to be aggrieved.” So they are … and very often they express this feeling through rudeness which then engenders more rudeness in response and … here we are: a world of short fuses and snappy responses

Yes, Gu. She acts as if I’m the rude one, trying ti get past her. I may have muttered something rude today, though…

Entitled. Many people think they can do what they like regardless of the effect it might have on others. Their needs trump everyone elses.

The only thing I've noticed is people choosing to focus on negative interactions, start looking out for the good stuff

I agree with you. Working in a school, I’ve seen a deterioration in basic manners from students within the 20 years I’ve been teaching. Of course it’s not all students! I was at my daughter’s school last week and parents were on their phones and talking while the head was speaking, not telling their children to behave etc. I also feel anxious driving now which I never have before as there is so much more aggression.

Lots of people stand at the top of escalators blocking everyone while chatting or trying to work out where to go next.

This is my pet hate! Victoria station in London is the worst for it! People (tourists) usually block the top (or bottom) with their suitcases while they stop and consult their phones. I'm not sure where they expect the people on the escalator to actually go. It's not like you have much choice if you're on a MOVING staircase 😂

Sorry for your experiences OP and thanks for raising the topic

Agree people can be horrific and nasty and yes it is (unfortunately) very appearance/social status biased.

Same people who are grovelling to someone they see as "high status" are awful to you, makes you feel like shit.

Over the last few years things have become so unpleasant with external conditions and financial pressures as well.

(I'm in the middle of an Amazon dispute plus Royal Mail have randomly decided not to deliver an expensive order...I try to live quietly and be frugal....and I'm about £600 in dispute 🥺!).

Also a lot of people "out there" with conditions which mean they can come across as very odd/inconsiderate.

I've been helping with a young relative with severe autism and I can see very similar behaviour in some adults who I've had negative experiences with?

I think there's often a "build up" of negativity and then I lose my resilience and then it builds up again.

It's a moving target, but I've made some changes.

• Minimise interactions to a certain extent - experienced so much horrendous/bad customer service (I'm genuinely the most dull, innocuous, polite individual you can meet, but as solo petite female I'm "easy target") that I mainly go online.

• However, increasing positive interactions - finding third spaces/community spaces/regular activities where people aren't necessarily close friends, but just "nice".

It's not expecting anyone to problem solve for me, but I find my headspace gets taken up with weirdos otherwise? Spiritual practice or something completely "for me".

Otherwise I find my mindset turns to self defining/seeing myself as a bullied reject, which isn't true.

• Radical acceptance - accepting a certain amount of shit behaviour is a "fixed cost" in life for everyone unless you're a super-millionaire. So no choice but to accept it and focus on my actual goals and find stuff to look forward to.

But surely if she keeps putting shitty nappies in a corridor for others to deal with and it just gets quietly dealt with then she'll keep on doing it? I'm betting she didn't do it again after the woman had words with her. Sometimes people do need to be told.

My little one had a dodgy tummy while on holiday. I didn't just put it in the corridor for everyone else to deal with, that would've been beyond rude. I nipped along the corridor and out the door and disposed of it in the outdoors bin, with it already double wrapped in a nappy bag.

And where does that stem from? Schooling? Parenting? Lack of discipline?

The British are obsessed with manners and being polite etc. I don't think any of this is rude as such, direct and a bit frank maybe. Some people don't pussyfoot around.
Maybe you're taking it all a bit personally

The woman who sits at the bus stop near us with an empty push chair is selling drugs. It’s just a convenient prop to make her look like a normal person waiting at the bus stop

When I go to my local Tesco (not the most salubrious area, see post above about the bus stop) I can see the customer service staff visibly relax when I go up to them and start to speak. You can physically see them thinking oh I’m about to speak to a nice normal person thank God for that