To discourage DD for a career in performing arts

[Masteringlife]

DD said she wants to go to a performing Sixth form; wants to be an actress, doesn’t want the normal office job of sitting in an office in front of a laptop all day.

I am in two minds whether to support or discourage it. It is a very competitive world and quite difficult to make a living. Perhaps encourage it as a hobby with another career on the side.

She is not ver academic and prefer creative activities and freedom.

Would be grateful for advice

It's absolutely not your place to share your opinion. She's an adult, let her make her own way.

Just to be clear, they had no connections before they started training. They built those, through hard work. And luck comes from the hard work. Effort with talent is what's needed. It sounds like your DD is talented - can they put in the effort? If so, support them.

Unless she's REALLY good and REALLY lucky, she's not going to become a famous actress.

However, she might be both, and if she's not, she can fall back on drama teaching or a different job. She's 16, she might have 4 or 5 attempts to find the right career in her life.

But it’s not an either/or situation. Office drone vs actor/entertainment industry.

I think I’d be concerned that this is what the OP’s 13 year old thinks, possibly because the OP also thinks it, or because the DD doesn’t see around her much variety of career. That it’s less that she’s interested in acting or the theatre industry than that she thinks it’s the only alternative to sitting at a desk.

In your shoes, OP, I would expose her to as wide a variety of careers as possible, especially anything that doesn’t involve sitting at a desk, is outdoors, or is in the community, involves using your hands, creativity etc — off the top of my head, among people I know who don’t have ‘desk jobs’, friends of mine run a community arts programme (currently readying floats, costumes and giant puppets for a Halloween parade), one is a forensic archaeologist, one runs a scheme where she supports artists with learning difficulties, one is on the FT staff of a film festival, one runs a children’s theatre company, and set up a circus skills school, one works in forestry, one is a furniture maker, one is a sommelier, one is on the gardening staff of the university, a couple of police, one in forensics etc etc.

Just to let her know it isn’t a stark choice between acting and sitting in front of a spreadsheet eight hours a day.

She's 16, so I'd say parent input and support is needed

She's getting £2000 per month, free of UK tax, because they pay them outside of UK waters. It seems pretty good to me. 🙂. Especially as they get all free board and lodging on the cruise 👍. Plus free flights, transfer and meals and hotel, when joining the ship. Not bad for a 20 year old.

That's great, a good opportunity to save too.

My mum discouraged me from doing what I wanted to do. And stopped me doing a collage course that could have lead to the job I wanted.

Even in my 30's it's my biggest resentment toward her.

DD graduated 2 years ago from top drama school and has good agent. Has done some small acting stuff since but not enough to solely pay the rent. However, she always anticipated needing a source of income to keep things ticking over while auditioning. She got her fitness trainer qualifications and now works as an instructor in several gyms - good pay and lots of flexibility to make time for auditions and singing/ acting classes. Has also done some longer term contracts in immersive theatre as well as some reception work. Makes enough to pay her bills for a London flat from less than 4 days work a week. There's better options than waiting tables!

Remember the acting jobs, even if only bit parts can be very well paid, especially film and television. A friend of DD got a small speaking part in a TV series and was able to live on it for a whole year without needing to do any other work. Though the sensible approach is to squirrel away the acting fees and build up a large deposit to buy a flat, while using the backup jobs to pay the rent.

We did all need to do a lot of thinking about what path she should take at sixth form as she is very academic and got a set of very good GCSEs. It was always her choice though and as she had a place at Brit School for MT it didn't take much thinking about. She also did an A level in English which's gave her choices when applying for post 18 courses. As well as the drama school applications she also got an offer for English at Bristol so options for academic degrees are not closed. In fact, several of her Brit cohort went to good unis to study academic degrees. Drama school degrees are also perfectly acceptable for entry into unrelated graduate schemes, and a lot of employers like them as the graduates have great people skills and are phenomenally hard working.

Your DD is still young and has plenty of time to think about her post 16 options. If she does want to take the drama school pathway she will need to work really hard at it as the competition is fierce. Just encourage her to follow her enthusiasm and she will do great. Good luck!

Agree that she needs support as well as guidance. She has been telling the last few years that’s what she wants, but have also mentioned other careers like Singer, Fashion Designer, Interior Decorator. Acting has remained constant though so I believe that’s what she wants the most and she has asked me how to get into shows and that she doesn’t have an agent.

I don’t think she knows how hard it is or what it takes.

I will start exposing her to more theatre but also to other creative courses.

I sit in an office all day. I think I chosen the right career for me. DH sits in an office half of the time, I think he has chosen the right career for him.

In a way, choices will get made for her. If she can get into drama school then amazing. If she doesn’t then fine try something else. You don’t have to be the bad guy.

There is a world of difference between choosing performing arts subjects at GCSE and A level, which is a great idea and can give students lots of transferable skills that other courses can’t provide, and taking performing arts as an exclusive higher education subject. The latter should really only be done by students who are very talented and determined to work in performance, knowing all the pressures and pitfalls of doing so, and even then they should have at least one other skill set to fall back on.
But at GCSE and A level you’re studying other things too, and the structure of the course and coursework brings in a really wide range of personal, interpersonal, planning, evaluation and analytical skills. An A level Drama student of mine recently got an offer to study law at a top university, and many of the skills they learned from Drama will give them an edge, particularly if they want to become a barrister or work in mediation.
Please don’t ever discourage performing arts as one subject choice among several.
And please don’t fall for the old cliche that it’s ‘a bit of fun’ while they study other, more legitimately work-like things. It’s damn hard work. It’s just that staying gainfully employed as a performer, and a performer alone, is very rare.

A lot of young people of that age fancy the lifestyle and glamour of creative arts as a career, but they don't realise it's a competitive and uncertain world. She will still need to earn a living when she hasn't got drama work and for that she will need some back-up skills. Perhaps you need to talk it through with her?

Maybe that is what she is thinking as she is more inclined to screen acting. I will let her dream and continue with the acting and dance classes, take her to the theatre and open days and see if she is committed or not.

She's so young she could change her mind 100 times in the next few years.

I didn't support my DD in any sort of drama. We're just not that type of family. We took her to all sorts of different sports and music lessons. She did ask to go to drama classes , but I didn't take her seriously. She's now at drama school (apparently they don't care about your past experience, just what they see in the audition). I have no idea if she'll be a professional actor, but hopefully she'll find something that can pay to keep her in the lifestyle she expects.

Funeral directors are always needed and their miserable countenance will match your miserable attitude.

If she's got a chance of getting into LAMDA, RADA etc in a few years, and she shows she's talented and hardworking, then of course be supportive. If she's already doing drama, excelling, and has a bit of experience just within school then that's good.

But she needs to understand that acting isn't a full time career. She will have to sit in an office or wait tables or work in a pub or something as acting will almost certainly not support her.

Certainly not when she's first starting out and even then virtually no actors get away with only doing acting work. It's also incredibly competitive. So she'll have to learn to have a thick skin and take rejection.

But just because it's not easy doesn't mean she shouldn't do it if that's what she is really passionate about.

Actors don’t all work in bars. Some teach private lessons, do audio book recordings, work front of house, corporate work, casting assistants, celebrants etc

we hear that fewer working class kids go into the industry and it’s this sort of negativity that means only the rich ones even try.

Honestly, the careers she’s talking about just sound like a young girl’s idea of ‘fun careers’. I wouldn’t take the acting thing too seriously. Maybe get into the habit of pointing out varied careers you happen to come across in your own circle, or during your day to day lives.

Asphinx both my daughters have opted for 'fun' careers.
Eldest studies marketing at the fashion retail academy and is her final degree year where she has potential for a good salary in great companies.
Second daughter has just started a drama degree and wants to be a teacher.

I'm happy they've followed fun careers, we should encourage young people to follow what they love not. Nothing worse than being miserable in the 40 plus years they'll be at work.
( I also followed a fun career and was cabin crew for ten years followed by a highly successful career in the nhs)

Please don’t.

my mum did this. Every opportunity I was told it’s too hard, barely anyone makes it, there’s no money in it, you need an education behind you.

guess what. Eventually I got the message and stopped. I will always regret it. Especially as the industry has boomed since I was a teen and my peers are making multiple times my salary.

she’ll know it’s hard. She doesn’t need you telling her at “every opportunity”.

education can wait. There are ways into academia as mature students. Performing arts and the like are young persons careers, let them try. If they don’t make it they can go to uni then. It’ll still be there.

i know quite a few people making a decent living. It doesn’t have to be starring roles, extras, bit parts, adverts etc can all add up.

I had a similar discussion with dd about how drama can be desirable in a lot of careers, law for example. The ability to confidently stand up and articulate your views in any industry cannot be underestimated.

o/p let her. Support her. If it doesn’t work out she has years to figure out something else.

yes I’m passionate about this. Like I said, I will always regret letting adults convince me it wasn’t worth trying.

I know 2 people with preforming arts degrees and neither of them work in creative professions now. One did do a decent range of a levels so has managed to climb to a professional role, whereas the other one works in retail. So maybe that’s something to consider.

They both talk about how toxic an environment it was however.

I think there’s a big difference between older young adults actually following a career path and the kind of thing that a thirteen year old thinks is ‘fun’, though.

And honestly, I think both cabin crew and teaching are pretty tough gigs!

(As are the realities of lots of creative careers. I write novels, but, like the majority of novelists, I also have a teaching job at a university. It’s not a matter of sitting about musing.)

If she's not passionate, consistently determined, to be an actor, she won't make it. Not least because the actors life absolutely demands determination and focus because of the amount of rejection involved.

Second, if she wants to be an actor, then she needs to be looking at drama schools, NOT a degree in drama. So LAMDA, RADA, not Drama at the uni of Manchester.

Third, it may take years to get accepted into a drama school. Years. The quality ones like a well rounded, mature person with life experience rather than a fresh faced 18 year old.

Fourth. Whoever said looks matter is talking bilge. Actors do not need to be incredibly good looking to have successful careers as an actor.

Finally. If she wants to be an actor she be happier poor and acting, than comfortable or wealthy and doing work she hates. Isn't that what you'd want for her too?

Tell her to get a business degree so that she’s doesn’t get rinsed on the market.

Best thing an artist or musician aspiring child