Asking parents to refinance home for him?!

[RosesandRainbows]

My boyfriend (mid40’s) is in a financial pickle. He is in serious debt (we’re talking multiple thousand of pounds a month repayments) and can’t even pay his rent or child maintenance at the moment. He is due some large payments from previous contracts that are dragging along and should (if they do at all) get paid out in the next 6 months or so.

He has asked his parents to remortgage their house to help him out of this hole until he finally gets some money to pay them back, pay his debts back and then have some money left over to live off of. They have agreed!

Am I the only one that thinks this is madness from them to equity release - at great cost- to help him out with no guarantee that he will actually be able to pay them back. Or am I a heartless b*tch?

Multiple thousands of pounds a month repayments? Wow. Yeah that's crazy!

Can he live with his parents instead? Remortgaging is crazy.

That's a really shitty thing for him to ask them to do.

Tells you everything you need to know about this man. He's willing to risk his parents' home to avoid his own responsibilities. He can't manage his own affairs.

I'd be rethinking this relationship if I were you. It will be you next that is expected to bail him out.

You're right, you're not a heartless bitch. Well done on not letting him move in with you. Hopefully his contracts will pay out.

I wouldn't ask my parents to do this. But it's between them I suppose!

Crazy debt, but why should his parents remortgage house. Couldn't be with someone in that much debt.

He completely refuses to do that. He says it will have a detrimental affect on his mental health to move into their home as he needs his own space.

I just think it’s such a big ask for them to equity release or something similar at such a huge expense. I don’t know that they realise what they are getting themselves into.

It is madness, it's time to leave him by the sounds of things, please don't get pregnant before you do!

His attitude feels a little like elder abuse to me.

And is he considering their mental health like? He sounds selfish.

I agree with you, it’s shitty and I can’t imagine doing that to my parents!
He’s hinted that it would be good of me to lend him some cash until they get the money to him. What I have wouldn’t even touch the sides of what he needs and I doubt theirs will either.
Don’t worry, I’m not lending him anything and am reconsidering what type of person he is and if that’s for me.

It's good that you can see this now before you go any further.

Ten years from now you could be emotionally and financially bled dry if you stay with him.

Is this a new relationship?

Have you seen Love Rats on Netflix? he might not be in complete scammer territory but some of the behaviours sound the same. Instill a sense of urgency, make you emotionally responsible for them, be unwilling to compromise their own lifestyle. It's a pattern of behaviour.

That's worrying. Honestly I'd bin him off.

Next. Run!

They are mad to it. He's clearly not a good financial bet.

It’s been over 2 years that we have been together but the issues with money have only become apparent in the last 6 months. Before that he enjoyed flashing the cash (can only assume it was loans) when he was out and about with friends and colleagues. Not so much with me though and definitely not now!

Is he an only child?

No, he has siblings who are also not financially responsible. Although I doubt they know what’s going on right now or they would also want some of the £££ being released.

Is it an equity release or a remortgage?

If it’s equity release his parents will need specialist advice before being able to do it, so hopefully a professional will be able to talk them out of it if it’s a really stupid idea.

How are they going to pay their new huge mortgage?
I doubt a bank will lend them tbh.
I ve just taken a mortgage to buy a house witj DD. She has a deposit but low income so the mortgage is based on my income.
I'm 53 ...and earn 150k...the loan is 200k...I've had so many hoops to go through, prove I can pay, had to get legal advice to prove I understand the risks etc.
We can only have the mortgage over 17 yrs...
I also only have a tiny mortgage left on my house, have savings, no debts, etc.
It's taken 4 months to get to this point.

So presuming his parents are on their 60's ...they will only get a mortgage for a few years and repayments would be huge and they would need to prove they can meet them.

I suppose they may go down equity release..which is different to re mortgaging.

I can bet that in a few years he will be back in same position, and parents will be mortgaged up to hilt or lost all equity ...

Those poor parents - saddled with a selfish leech for a son.

I could not be with a man like this - his financial ineptitude will make your life a misery if you stay.

Doubt it will be approved given they must be nearing retirement.

I'd run. His mess and he's unlikely to improve. You don't need to be caught up in it.

I think you would be much better off with a new boyfriend.

The red flag here would cover a football pitch.

Even if he gets his debts paid now, he will still owe his parents AND continue to merrily build up debts in the future. A never ending cycle.

How much in total does he owe?