Asking parents to refinance home for him?!

[RosesandRainbows]

My boyfriend (mid40’s) is in a financial pickle. He is in serious debt (we’re talking multiple thousand of pounds a month repayments) and can’t even pay his rent or child maintenance at the moment. He is due some large payments from previous contracts that are dragging along and should (if they do at all) get paid out in the next 6 months or so.

He has asked his parents to remortgage their house to help him out of this hole until he finally gets some money to pay them back, pay his debts back and then have some money left over to live off of. They have agreed!

Am I the only one that thinks this is madness from them to equity release - at great cost- to help him out with no guarantee that he will actually be able to pay them back. Or am I a heartless b*tch?

Unless there is a huge backstory and the debt is not his fault in any way, that's the bed he made. It's unlikely that he got himself into debt like that without seeing it coming before it got that bad, though.

I don’t think there’s much to consider here. It’s glaringly obvious that he has no sense of responsibility. He’d rather ask his parents to risk their financial security in their older years than do without his own space. He is the very definition of entitlement. The minute I knew what he’d done I would have dumped him.

Your boyfriend is me of life's suns, expects everything to revolve around him.

He's asked his parents to increase their financial burden and asked you for a handout in the meantime. When he has this money, what has he committed to changing so that he doesn't get into debt again as well as repaying his parents?

He's swapping one debt which has debtors who will demand payment for another debt owed to people he's hoping he won't actually have to pay back.

Run for the hills. He's selfish & only considers what works for him not the impact of his actions on others.

It would be a millstone round his parents necks and he will probably continue to get in a mess anyway if he is that useless.

And somewhere there is an ex that isn't getting the child maintenance that he is supposed to pay.

I don't care much about money but I wouldn't be able to tolerate someone that treats people like this.

Ick

Jesus I’m glad you are rethinking the relationship! What he should be doing is moving back with his parents and trying everything to make extra cash (lots of seasonal jobs coming up for Christmas in the evenings.) He could ask his parents for a small loan to get legal advice to get these companies to pay up but that’s it.

Why does he think he’s entitled to have a flash lifestyle when he can’t afford it? Champagne taste, white lightning budget. Got to feel sorry for the mother of his child (children) who now isn’t getting maintenance because of his bad choices.

This man is showing you a whole range of personality traits that make him someone you should run far away from. I think you're already coming to that conclusion yourself though op. My ex is like this, thinks it's everyone else's responsibility to keep him afloat while he drowns everyone else in the process. He's not a good guy op, no decent person would do this to their parents. He's bankrupt, time he deals with that independently and faces the consequences. Oh and that money from the contracts...that ain't coming.

He says it will be bad for his mental health to move in with his parents...has he even considered what it would do to them to potentially make them homeless?

He's repaying multiple thousands of pounds a month? How big is his debt?!!!! You don't just stumble into a 'pickle' with that sort of money involved!
He then thinks it's perfectly ok to ask his parents to bail him out and putting them in a very vulnerable position.
You've only been with him for a couple of years. I'd dump him and thank my lucky stars to be honest.

If it has got this bad he is better off going bankrupt surely? Presumably the late payments are just a fairy tale that don't exist.

Never mind the impact on his mental health what about his DPs??
Do they understand what he's actually asking them to do?( not suggesting they're stupid at all)
He's a big boy now and should sort his finances out himself!
You shouldn't be doing any research for him either
Yes, I'm hard hearted because life has taught me to be independent.

His poor parents.

Is he living with you? I wouldn't want anything to do with him, tbh. I certainly wouldn't lend him a penny!

His parents need to say goodbye to that money forever. They'll never get it back.

Is this what you want for your future as well?

He seems to think getting another job is beneath him. It would also barely impact the debts he has. I’m not quite sure how but his lifestyle seems to cost a fortune… scrap that. It’s probably as half of it is debt repayment!

He definitely doesn’t want anyone knowing his difficulties and still likes to pretend he has lots of money to others.

I feel for the mother of his children too. She does it mostly alone anyway and now the support payments aren’t coming in she’s doing that side 100% too.

Its equity release so I know they will be able to get it through but the repayments and long term cost involved will be horrendous. I feel he is conning them with false promises and it’s really would me up. I could never say anything to them as they would always (understandably) take his side.

He sounds awful. What's the point of him? Why is he your boyfriend? What are his good points ? Because I wouldn't think very highly of someone in their 40s who would happily take money from his presuming approaching elderly parents in that kind of way. Ick.

No he isn’t living with me. The stress of everything has been pretty awful and I don’t see how I could create a future with someone who is so irresponsible financially. I am a very risk averse person, especially when it’s related to money.
This isn’t the first time, from the sounds of it, that he’s got himself into a pickle and needed to be bailed out.

Why you even with him?
Doubt they will get a remortgage if they are close to retiring, whatever you do don't lend him money you'll never see it again. I'd be running!

Yes I’m definitely feeling the ick right now.

I would dip on him today, I couldn't be with someone I had no respect for and this man is not worth consideration.

I would check your credit score to make sure he hasn't taken any loans or credit in your name op, these people rob everyone blind eventually and it's never their fault.

He's not going to pay them back. If he's in hundreds of thousands of debt, awaiting payment on contracts that probably will never materialise. How on earth has he managed to be so irresponsible? I couldn't be with a man like that. He'd see his mum and dad on the streets to save his own skin. Pathetic. He's not even paying bare minimum for his children?
You must be able to find a boyfriend with a heart, and a brain. And a wallet that doesn't have a hole in the bottom.

I was just going to suggest checking your credit rating. Sounds like he would do anything to keep up the pretence of a rich lifestyle
I use Credit Karma which is free and quick to sign up for
I'm glad you have the ick, get rid of him
He has no morals

If he can't even sacrifice anything to help pay his own debts (i.e. Moving back home) then it's highly unlikely he will pay back his parents. They shouldn't agree to it. I wonder if they did actually agree to it willingly or has he forced them to agree. He sounds very selfish. I wouldn't want to be with him if it was me in this situation.

What an awful man. I don't even know where to start.

FWIW my mum offered to do equity release years ago on her house when I was struggling financially. Not a chance in hell would I let her do that. Nobody who has any respect for their parents - or cares about them - would do that.

Especially not when you're a grown man (and father) who has got himself into this mess by splashing cash he never had.

Revolting. Get rid @RosesandRainbows

what a horrible user! Please dump him.

Whereas, potentially making them homeless if it all goes wrong wouldn't?

Actually, he sounds conscience-free and utterly self-centred.

Pleased to read this is stimulating the ick factor for you.