Asking parents to refinance home for him?!

[RosesandRainbows]

My boyfriend (mid40’s) is in a financial pickle. He is in serious debt (we’re talking multiple thousand of pounds a month repayments) and can’t even pay his rent or child maintenance at the moment. He is due some large payments from previous contracts that are dragging along and should (if they do at all) get paid out in the next 6 months or so.

He has asked his parents to remortgage their house to help him out of this hole until he finally gets some money to pay them back, pay his debts back and then have some money left over to live off of. They have agreed!

Am I the only one that thinks this is madness from them to equity release - at great cost- to help him out with no guarantee that he will actually be able to pay them back. Or am I a heartless b*tch?

Ditch him and let the siblings know why if you know them, hopefully they would put a stop to it.

This, I think.

How awful that he is putting this burden on his parents.

And playing that mental health card, whilst not caring how their MH is affected by taking on this debt.

He is responsible for his own spending, and his choice to work as a contractor rather than secure employment. He needs to now lie on the bed he has made.

As well as his poor parents, what about his poor children? I note that CM is one of the bills he is claiming he “can’t” pay.

I would get rid if I were you. It’s a shame you can’t make his parents see sense and protect themselves but yon have to think of yourself

It looks like he asked them to remortgage to allow him continue to keep up with debt payments until he is able to pay off the debt not where he lives.

Either way it's very risky for his parents and selfish on his part and OP should be really careful about tying up her financial future to this man.

Please dump him, and please tell his siblings so that they can advise the poor parents. What a shitfest.

OP, if he's owed all this money across several contracts, why has he not opted to explore invoice factoring?

Has he enquired with his bank about this means to enable him to stay afloat rather than exploit involve others?

Being honest I think I’d inadvertently mention it to one of the siblings. It would either make the sibling persuade the parents not to do it, or all hell would break loose and they’d all want a piece of the pie and in the ensuing drama hopefully the parents would see sense.

how old are the parents?

there are two people here who are being seriously taken advantage of and if they’re doing one of those elderly equity release things there will be absolutely nothing left by the time it comes to sell home. What if they need care etc?

To reiterate another poster:

check your credit score asap in case he has taken out plans in your name!

I can't believe that anyone could ask their parents to do this. I hope his parents aren't considering it.

I agree with this, although I would be concerned about revenge if he finds out that it was you that told his siblings.

Third the echo of check your own credit file especially as he has tried to get you to give him money. He's not paying for his children and has no consideration for his parents, you will be fair game.

That ick will grow, run @RosesandRainbows .

He can declare himself bankrupt. He is a man-child and will continue to live beyond his means. If you’ve been with him two years, and know his parents, I would be tempted to have a word with them - he is in his mid 40s and needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions. There is a very real chance he will not be able to pay them back.

In response to pp re equity release, his parents won’t even be able to move to eg a bungalow if they need to, they won’t be able to afford that either. He sounds like utter SCUM to me!

Oh my God, glad you have the ick. I would seriously have a word with the parents on the way out of the door though (maybe not the siblings as they may start a financial feeding frenzy on their vulnerable parents if they're as bad). What a deplorable specimen. His poor kids too.

I'm guessing by your post he also intends to keep up the lavish lifestyle to save face and drain his parents dry even further, whilst leaving his kids without. 🤮

Walk away. Don’t look back.
Very nearly had someone similar in my family. Trust me, it won’t end well.

So he'd rather go on spending money he doesn't have to keep up the appearance of being successful, no CM, no paying his debts, just front. Dump and run Op, the man is morally bankrupt

It's awful that he did that. This is his mess, he should declare himself bankrupt. His poor parents probably felt duty bound to agree, but he shouldn't have put them in that position.

Its equity release so I know they will be able to get it through but the repayments and long term cost involved will be horrendous.

I hope they have had independent advice, not for one of the companies who peddle equity release as the universal panacea, but from someone who can tell them exactly what they are letting themselves in for. Sounds like they've bred a nest of grasping vipers if his siblings are as greedy as he is.

You sound like a normal, lovely person, OP.

Your boyfriend does not and that's putting it mildly!

A man who is so irresponsible, who makes such poor life decisions and is willing to damage the financial security of his (presumably) elderly parents is not worth hanging onto.

There are so many better men out there. You deserve a partner, not a leech.

Nice bloke willing to throw his parents under the bus rather than his ego admit defeat

I don't know what you want for your future, but remember that you'll never meet Mr Right when you're tangled up with Mr Wrong.

Dump him.

Saw an AIBU recently that advised the poster to never finance someone out of a bad financial decision position because you'll never see that money again.

If those parents bail him, they won't see that money again. He needs to find his own way out that hole.

Dear Rose and Rainbows - you have used the word ''pickle'' more than once to describe your DP's finances and his plans to pay off the debt. The words you should be using are ''total disaster for everyone'' - his parents, his ex and his children and potentially his siblings because he is putting his parents into very bad debt. Equity Release has a very bad reputation in many cases and the interest rates are high - some are even compound interest. Is your DP on drugs? Seems he has lost touch with the real world.

This isn’t just a red flag, it’s bunting !! Asking his parents to take out equity on the home they’ve bought and paid for, to pay his debts with no guarantee of being paid back ? He should be ashamed. The compound interest on the equity released starts building up from day one, so at some point they will owe a lot more than they borrowed - and there is always a clause in the agreement that basically means if the repayable loan outstrips the equity remaining, you will end up paying rent to live in your own home. If he does manage to pay the money back and his parents want to repay their loan, I hope he’s also prepared to pay the interest on it and any fees they incur for settling early. I also hope they’ve researched equity release and know exactly what the consequences could be. I would throw him back based on this, he sounds reckless.

I agree with @Maurepas , you are minimizing OP, you're not acknowledging the gravity of this man's behavior. He's not in a bit of a pickle, he's a complete disaster and he doesn't care who he takes down with him.
I hope you don't get drawn in OP

Ooh no I wouldn't like this! The only time I'd ever ask something like this of my parents (not that I could anyway as they rent and are on pension credit 😅) would possibly be in a literal life or death scenario, eg for life saving treatment not available on the NHS etc, and even then only if I knew I could pay it back.

Asking to be bailed out because of poor financial decisions (which look likely to continue...) is just pathetic. I'd lose all respect and dump him tbh.