To think that some people need more downtime/rest or am I just lazy?

[The99th]

I have always been someone who seems to get overwhelmed easily and needs a lot of time to recover and rest from things - something like commuting twice a week to the office will have me exhausted and needing a PJ day at the weekend to recover. Even when I was a child I remember needing half-term to have lots of lazy days to recover from school. In primary school I remember that I hated if I had a classmate's birthday party on the weekend as that was my time I needed to relax at home (lol).

On the other hand, one of my best friends is constantly on the go. I don't know how she does it. She will rarely spend a day or evening at home. Last week, for example, she was out every evening after work with various plans - work leaving drinks, meals out with friends, staying at her boyfriend's house, staying at her Dad's house, then her Mum's house. Then she went away for the weekend, got back late last night and has started a new job today. In comparison I would have needed all of last week and the weekend to be quiet/chilled so I could mentally prepare for starting a new job...

I'm starting to wonder if maybe she has the right idea of things, and that maybe I spend too much time thinking over things, and maybe I need to stop thinking I need all these quiet days to 'recover' or 'prepare' - but the fact it's been since childhood may mean I am just wired differently to my friend?

Do you think some people do genuinely need more mental downtime (excluding neurodiversity as I know they do genuinely need more time to recover)?

Yes I'm more like you OP. I'm naturally an introvert so although I enjoy my job working with the public and socialising, it is exhausting and when I come home from work I don't want to talk to anyone other than my husband and kids! I also need a few hours alone each week to decompress.

I don't understand the urgency to go go go. I like to rest. I think society makes us feel everything has to be go go go. But we are animals and we're meant to rest, relax and sleep.

Some people are naturally quite low-energy, yes. A friend of mine whom I knew through a former workplace was absolutely aghast at what constituted a normal weekend for me -- have friends over for dinner or a drink at some point, farmer's market for vegetables on Saturday morning, take DS to football if DH didn't, usually have some of DS's friends around at some point, bike ride to the woods or swim or do a beach litterpick, see both sets of parents, usually see a friend out, sometimes an exhibition or a film or a gig, a bit of mooching.

My friend was the same age as me and did the same job, also married, but with two kids to my one, but the main event of his weekend was laundry on Saturday morning and taking the children to their swimming lesson on Sunday, which seemed for him to occupy the entire weekend. And if something slightly out of the ordinary had to be accommodated in his week, like a child's parent-teacher meeting or MOT, it seemed to take on an enormous significance and to mean that nothing else could be done that week.

To be honest, I was never sure whether he had some kind of vitamin deficiency that made him low-energy, or whether that was simply his temperament.

He's divorced now, and only has the children every other weekend, so lots more time to potter around the house.

There's a thread going at the moment about being out all day with toddlers that has a similar theme. People seem to split into finding it horrifyingly exhausting and restrictive of children's need for chilling time at home or absolutely necessary with a toddler, and the idea of a whole day at home is the horror!

I suspect people are just different, OP - both the adults and the toddlers!

You just sound like an introvert really. Google it.

Gosh OP my husband is just like you. If he mows the lawn that’s a half day activity then he needs the rest of the day off to recover. I find it so hard to understand but reading this thread has been eye opening.

my idea of a good weekend would be a family day out 10-4pm and then see some family or friends the next day. He just wants to stay at home with two young children and put the tv on and maybe fix a shelf or hoover. I would love to have things to do every day of the week. My down time is t in the evening and then sleeping at night time but he needs to sleep in the day to recover from seeing people

Yes, yanbu. There is variation between humans in everything, and energy levels is part of that normal variation.

I don't think this is about introversion.

I am an introvert but I like to be busy and out and about a lot - I just need a lot of that time to be on my own. E.g. one of my favourite things to do is go out and look at an art gallery on my own.

I think people are just all different.

I actually don't even really understand what people mean when they say they spend a day "chilling" or "resting" - are they watching TV? Reading a book? Posting on Mumsnet? I am basically always doing something or planning to do something, I don't think I have ever spent a day "chilling at home" unless I was unwell

This is me!

Your husband sound really extreme. I would find him exceptionally dull. You two also sound badly mismatched.

Not saying this is the case for everyone but I have always needed a lot of down time /rest my whole life and have always get ill easily

I always felt so ashamed of this.

I've recently found out I have, and always have had, genetic condition (a form of Myasthenia) that means I genuinely do need a lot of rest to recover from any exertion. I expect it is quite under diagnosed. It's largely invisible.

So in essence, yes, different peoples bodies are built differently.

Yes people are different and how you feel is totally normal for you.

I'm an oddity in that I used to be someone who liked to have a full calendar but I've run out of steam as I've got older and have a lot more home-time now. Though I still get the niggling feeling that I am "wasting time" by not getting out and about or doing productive stuff. These days I try not to book in more than one social event at the weekend (as well as running my daughter around to her activities) but occasionally I ended up with something on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and whereas I used to love that, I now feel totally overwhelmed.

Another poster has asked what chilling at home looks like. For me it's messing about on my phone, reading the Sunday papers, watching tv, podcasts, having a lie down, home facial, repainting my nails, bits of household admin and pottering around tidying up/ light housework. (I feel better when my house is in order. )

(and it's not something willpower can overcome as my nerves simply stop sending signals to my muscles when I over do it)

Yes i do think some people can be high or low energy. I'm the latter. I'm like you op....I need to recover from things. I find being busy totally overwhelming. I remember a mum at my DC's school...she ran her own business, worked out every day, had three kids and was very extrovert and always having nights out. She seemed permanently cheerful too.

What you describe would leave me feeling depressed and bleugh.

I think for you alone it’s fine. But inflicting it on others who maybe want to live differently would be very unfair, especially on children. You haven’t said if you have kids, but how would you possibly cope with someone like your friend?

I was more high energy when I was younger, although I used to always have a down day on Sundays, but I used to go out about four times a week in the evenings. That seems impossible now, I am mid-fifties, need naps, and don't plan too much, and if I do, I then have to rest more. If you are younger, I might check you are anaemic, because it's very underdiagnosed and you might be struggling along unnecessarily.

I enjoy both. I love being on the go and socialising/going out to events. But it does wear me out and I start feeling stressed with it if I don't get enough time at home, on my own, doing nothing.

I think I'm a mixture.

I work 3 days a week and get home about 7pm. I feel "peopled out" by then as l do a public facing job and just want to put my pj's on and watch TV in bed.

On my days off l like to have plans to meet with friends... but l don't over fill my day. So l exercise in the morning and meet for lunch etc. I wouldn't then choose to socialise again in the evening.

I have a high energy child - she does lots of extra curricular activities

She understands that my body needs rest because she sees what happens when I push through. We may be like chalk and cheese when it comes to energy levels but we are still incredibly close.

something like commuting twice a week to the office will have me exhausted and needing a PJ day at the weekend to recover.

We're all different, we all have different energy levels but needing to spend an entire day sitting round the house in your pyjamas, just because you've commuted twice in a week, sounds very extreme to me.

It's probably more a habit than a need.

I have down time when i feel like it.
Like right now im on mumsnett with some crisp and coffee.
Later i plan on reading a few chapters of my cringy cheesey book in the back yard.
Most likely read in to the night.

I'm like you and have a friend like yours.

I don't think it's a "need" though. I think it's a learned response. If you'd grown up in a home where it was always go go go then you're more likely to be that sort of person. Commuting every day for an hour each way was fine when I did it - but now I WFH going in once a week is a chore.

Yeah. I find social interaction very stressful. Especially with strangers.
I like people and I like doing things but if I plan too many things back to back at some point I'll simply breakdown and be unable to attend them.
I can't do two things like have a doctors appointment then a social meet up for example.. I just won't be able to do both and I've had to accept that and work round it. I used to try when younger abd then just end up letting people down.
It's better to understand yourself and have clear boundaries than say you'll do something and let people down.
You have to accept that some people won't understand abd will just think you can't be arsed and will find offense
But as you get older you learn to sit with that. They aren't good people for you anyway.
Some people don't get the amount of energy it takes some other people to be social because it actually gives them energy and they are more drained by being alone!
I strongly suspect I might be autistic.. which may have something to do with this. I find it very very hard interacting because understanding how people want me to respond takes an incredible amount of energy.. then often I feel like I didn't do well and I came across strange or offended someone.. and then of course the anxiety about that saps more energy.
All in all it's exhausting. I like other people and do want to do things with them but I do need a lot of space and alone time to recharge. Especially from interactions with any strangers.

Yep, I have health issues that give me fatigue
Usually I only leave the house once during the week and then at weekends one day out, one day in
I do exercise at home though so not like I'm not getting any movement!

I have ADHD and go from being completely on the go and can keep going endlessly, but if I stop I can’t start again. If I go out socialising I need a good chunk of time afterwards to just ‘be’. However even if I’m sat on the sofa my brain is continuously shouting at me that I am lazy and need to do XYZ. And that’s exhausting in itself. My diagnosis definitely helped me understand I’m far from lazy.

I enjoy socialising and being with people but it also completely drains my batteries.