To think that some people need more downtime/rest or am I just lazy?

[The99th]

I have always been someone who seems to get overwhelmed easily and needs a lot of time to recover and rest from things - something like commuting twice a week to the office will have me exhausted and needing a PJ day at the weekend to recover. Even when I was a child I remember needing half-term to have lots of lazy days to recover from school. In primary school I remember that I hated if I had a classmate's birthday party on the weekend as that was my time I needed to relax at home (lol).

On the other hand, one of my best friends is constantly on the go. I don't know how she does it. She will rarely spend a day or evening at home. Last week, for example, she was out every evening after work with various plans - work leaving drinks, meals out with friends, staying at her boyfriend's house, staying at her Dad's house, then her Mum's house. Then she went away for the weekend, got back late last night and has started a new job today. In comparison I would have needed all of last week and the weekend to be quiet/chilled so I could mentally prepare for starting a new job...

I'm starting to wonder if maybe she has the right idea of things, and that maybe I spend too much time thinking over things, and maybe I need to stop thinking I need all these quiet days to 'recover' or 'prepare' - but the fact it's been since childhood may mean I am just wired differently to my friend?

Do you think some people do genuinely need more mental downtime (excluding neurodiversity as I know they do genuinely need more time to recover)?

Indeed they may be.

Others may just be in a habit.

We're all different.

I used to have energy until I got ill with a virus and never recovered my energy levels! I don’t remember a single day growing up where I was not at school/studying at home/playing out. In my 20s I worked full time, studied for a professional qualification and went out every Saturday and Sunday socialising unless I was in college. Not a single day was spent at home.

Since developing fatigue I’ve had to quit work. Now I’m exhausted after breakfast and a shower so I sleep for 2 hours. Then I’ll do some chores and lie down watch tv, with occasional breaks to cook. Can’t read, listen to audiobooks, listen to podcasts or do puzzles as it makes me fall asleep!

Twice a week I don’t do chores I try to go out after my morning nap, somewhere that involves minimal walking then spend the afternoon napping and evening watching tv.

Yes some people are definitely bundles of energy. And also extrovert vs introvert, extroverts recharge by being around people which sounds counter productive!

I also find that the mental load type stuff seems to be more taxing for me than other people - does everyone have clean uniform, do we have food in the fridge. This is probably because I fundamentally don't care enough so never remember and have to have the same thoughts every day 😅

I prefer to have a day at home once a week, and not do too much in the evenings either. And I've been the same since childhood, and my parents are the same, so I very much believe that it's just the way some people are, some people have a higher baseline of energy, and some people have lower energy levels.

You're right. I see it now. Someone who likes going out and doing stuff and being social is an excellent match with someone who likes staying in watching tv and putting up shelves. Someone wanting to spend all weekend watching tv and needing a day time nap after speaking to other humans is completely within the normal curve. Someone who spends their live watching tv, avoiding human interaction and putting up shelves is an interesting person we all want to know.

Personally, if I had written a post like the one I responded to, I'd have written it as a cry for help ' Is this normal?! Do I have to settle for this?' . The answer is no and no, and its not unkind to point that out when someone posts about it on a public site.

Maybe OP is quite happy with her lot, but I'd rather err on assuming she may not be and a bit of validation is not amiss. After all, she can just think ' Fuck off, I am quite happy' if she is.

To people saying it's a habit and not a need - no, it's a need. If I don't get my time to decompress, I can start getting anxious and overwrought. Enough time like that and it could send me into a period of depression.

To people asking what am I doing when I'm doing nothing - for me, the primary need is to not have to interact with anyone. So I might be reading a book, playing games by myself, binging Netflix, mindless research of random topics, doom scrolling, pottering around the house doing chores, online shopping etc. Whatever it is, the primary goal is to not have to put on my social hat.

Again, I adore socialising. I can't spend too much time at home doing nothing either. I do need to go on my adventures and see people. But it's like a seesaw. What goes up must come down and vice versa.

Ha yes doctors told me over the years it was depression/stress/parenthood etc.

Then I saw an optician who spotted my fatigable ptosis (eyelid droop) and he asked me if I ever struggled with tiredness.... Then wrote a clear letter to my GP asking them to investigate. Opticians cancelled be pretty amazing at spotting things doctors have missed.

Myasthenias can be diagnosed by a range of tests including physical examination by a neurologist, antibody tests (for the auto immune form) , electrical conduction tests, response to medication, CT scans (some forms are caused by cancers) or genetic testing if a genetic form is suspected.

There are heaps of other fairly invisible/massively under diagnosed issues that cause fatigue too - eg. Sjogrens, Thyroid, etc

I think you could have expressed it far more kindly but in essence I don't disagree... If people are really struggling with fatigue they should push for more medical investigations as some causes of fatigue are easily treated

@CassandraWebb thank you - I have Googled Myasthenia after reading your posts and it strikes me that this might be what has been troubling a friend of mine who struggles with weakness in her limbs and difficulties swallowing - I’ll suggest she speaks to her doctor about this as they’ve been writing it all off as ‘anxiety’.

I said this to my husband only this weekend. I just don't understand how people have the energy for the stuff they do. I have no kids, work 30 hours a week and do one evening activity a week or I just can't get through the week. I need to be in bed by ten (ideally 9) and am always ready to sleep

I worked full time last week as did a days extra work and it killed me.

Yes one of my biggest issues is intermittent swallowing difficulty. Particularly if I have done too much. it is why it is dangerous for me to push through when tired

GPs should definitely investigate and it is worth her knowing that the initial antibody tests that GPs can order are pretty rudimentary so a negative to those does not mean she doesn't have Myasthenia.

The charity Myaware can also provide support and guidance for people who suspect they may have it (as diagnosis is often a long road) and Muscular Dystrophy UK also provide support.

I think people’s definitions of ‘chilling at home’ are so interesting. It all sounds so cozy and hygge the way posters describe it.
Whereas I start climbing the walls / my mind blows a fuse if I’m at home with nothing going on. It makes me feel desperate, like a trapped animal. I’m the last person anyone would call extroverted or high energy, it’s just that I need to be out of the house as much as possible in different environments, or I start to go mad.

Also, the idea of housework / putting shelves up as relaxing feels utterly foreign to me.

There are heaps of other fairly invisible/massively under diagnosed issues that cause fatigue too - eg. Sjogrens, Thyroid, etc

Agree with this. Autoimmune issues cause fatigue and often appear later in life (there is little known about causes of autoimmune) and its likely many people have undiagnosed conditions.

I really relate to this x

Don't think I've ever had a PJ day unless feeling very ill.

Didn't do much yesterday as I was feeling under the weather but still got dressed and did a few jobs. I agree too much socialising is exhausting but I like to get outside and walk somewhere most days and tend to climb the walls if have nothing to do.

Everyone’s different. But I have found that people who are constantly on the go are either or both of (1) disinclined to introspection, or long and slow thinking - they need constant external stimulation to feel alive and find themselves not enough (2) running away from something.

Sometimes, rarely these days tbh, they are people whose lives are at that point in time so perfect (nobody unwell, no financial stresses, no worries about the world or their family or their friends etc) that they can afford to just go with things because life is easy. I have occasional bursts like this on holiday, but not in my normal life.

Someone will be along in a minute to tell me how wrong I am because blah blah, but these are my observations.

Is your work very physically and/or mentally taxing, though?

I also think that mental and physical exertion can be different in different people. I think I could learn to cope with more physical exertion and I'd adjust over time within reason. On the other hand I suspect I have a more fixed limit for how much mental exertion I'd cope with.

We've limited our family size because I feel panicky at the thought of how much "juggling" I'd have to do keeping up with the life admin of a big family. On the other hand I don't feel that much more drained after a more physical day, if anything it makes me sleep better.

I think some posters are confusing 'doing things' with 'doing social things'. I like am active weekend, but I'm pretty introverted, and much of what I will be doing doesn't involve other people at all, or only tangentially.

This is literally the definition of an introvert/extrovert - an introvert gets their energy from downtime/being alone/being at home; an extrovert gets their energy from being around other people.

Swap places for a week and you would both be exhausted!

Neither is wrong, it's just who you are.

Yes exactly

I need to be by myself to recharge but that doesn't have to be at home "chilling" - it can be exercising or going for a walk or going to the theatre or any number of things that aren't at home

I think there are different kinds of energy.

• physical energy
• mental energy
• social energy

Etc

People with lots of physical energy enjoy getting out and exercising, walking the dog, active holidays etc

People with lots of mental energy love learning, they find a challenge at work stimulating, enjoy problem solving etc

People with lots of social energy love meeting new people, seeing friends, going out to bars etc

There will be more equivalents.

We all find our energy in different ways. There's no denying some people have more than others. Some people clearly find screens less addictive too.

No! I just work in an office doing admin

I am the friend. i hate relaxing,
i stopped napping at a year old too - much to my mums disgust!

i hate relaxing

This is the most shocking thing I've ever read on here ...who hates relaxing?!