My non swimming child went under during swimming lesson

[Mamabear256]

DS is 4.5 years old and has just started swimming lessons, stage 1 at his local leisure centre. It’s 8 children per class, one instructor and a lifeguard watching 2 classes in the pool.

He’s naturally quite a shy reserved boy and he doesn’t like going under water, he doesn't love going but he does need to learn to swim.

Last week he had a trial, whereby he used floats the whole time. However yesterday, the first thing the instructor got to do was all of the children to doggy paddle across the width of the pool (a small-ish pool) without any aids or support. The instructor was standing a few metres in front whilst all 8 children doggy paddled at the same time. DS can barely touch the floor and he doesn’t even know what a doggy paddle is. It was inevitable he was going to go under, and he did. The instructor wasn’t too near my DS so I started to run around to get him. After a few seconds one of the mums shouted towards me ‘it’s ok he’s back up!’ I looked and the instructor had him.

Now I genuinely do not believe he should have been asked to do that without any floats. If the children went one by one doing it with the teacher next to them then I get that. But not all 8 at the same time, with the instructor not close to him, and especially as he is a non swimmer and can barely touch the floor.

I want to complain but just wanted to check if this is normal or not.

AIBU in thinking this isn’t right and to complain?

The only way he is going to learn to swim without floats is by having a go without without them.

OP, saying this kindly but I suggest you get 1:1 lessons as you sound as if you are quite anxious and your actions could impact your child’s water confidence.

Got the lifeguard to help.

Or waited until all the children stood up…..
OP, this is such a non event!

I understand the sentiment OP but as a lifeguard myself I want to commend you for taking your child to swim lessons. Please persist with it, show no fear and be smiley, encourage your son when he makes eye contact with you.

As PP have said “going under” is part of water acclimatisation. Why is he still wearing arm bands at 4.5? Are you able to swim and swim well? I think hour DS may benefit from more pool time and you get in the water with him, teach him to blow bubbles and retrieve toys in the shallow water. Please continue the lessons and have more 1:1 time with your son in the water and make it fun. Swimming is a life skill and those lessons may well keep him safe one day.

Are you a confident swimmer, OP? I can be a bit panicky like this when watching my kids swimming lessons and I’m not a confident swimmer. My husband is a very confident swimmer and is far less panicky watching the kids in their lessons.

Maybe round here most kids go to the ducklings classes then, or maybe my dc's swimming lessons just don't follow the curriculum properly 🤷‍♀️🤣

It is very noticeable when a child in a stage 1 class is not comfortable in the water because they just can't do the things that the other children are doing in the lesson. The instructor will only get in the water in extreme cases though, so the child usually just has to hope for the best until they get the hang of it 🤣

The ducklings classes were a much smaller ratio and the instructors were in the water. That was where they did putting their faces in the water and learning to blow bubbles, stuff like that. Those classes focused on building up confidence in the water.

Wow, it was ages since starting lessons until my dc was made to do doggy paddle without swim aides. They took absolutely ages getting them used to the water and being able to swim with the swimming aid on firsr. They had those float ring things on their arms, then would remove some of those ring things from their arms and then sort of like drag them with their arms stretched out whilst they were working on their footwork, then after a few lessons , moved them onto the pool noodle . They didn't make them swim without any aid until they were able to get their footwork right, and were able to doggy paddle with a pool noodle first. At the end of every lesson they would make them all line up and dive into the pool without any aid/pool noodle and the instructor would be standing in the pool right in front of them and catch them once they've gone under. I am guessing this is how they build up water confidence.

I feel there are a lot snarky comments and a lot of posters who are on their high horses. Questions like "what kept you from taking your dc swimming earlier", and "my dc has been doing that since he was " is just not helpful and very patronising. It doesn't matter what kept OP from taking her child swimming earlier, and it's not a reflection on her parenting. Life happens, the most important thing is she is taking him swimming now. Not everyone is a super-parent like seemingly most that are here on mumsnet. In a world where you can be anything, please be kind

OP, I've only taken my dc swimming to one swimming school, and my dc's swim school wouldn't have done this. But at the same time I don't know if it is usual for other swim schools to teach like this or not. Therefore, I personally wouldn't complain about the instructor. Unless the school or instructor is new i'd hope they know what they were doing. But teaching styles vary, and I would 100% move my child if I am not happy with the swim school's teaching style. Not all swim schools teach beginners the way your dc's swim school does. My dc's swim school certainly doesn't. Good luck OP, and well done for getting your little one started on learning to swim x

Start taking him once a week in between lessons. Just to splash around and learn how to push up from the bottom. Make it fun, blow bubbles under the water etc. He will not learn to swim wearing arm bands and the more he relies on floats, the more he will rely on them

I can't comment on how the lessons should be taught, as it's been a while since my DC had lessons. I'd reckon that maybe private lessons/smaller group where teacher can spend more time with kids and build up their confidence might be the way forward.

Some PPS mentioned that your DS's age was quite late for learning to swim. FWIW, I'm a strong swimmer, and think learning to swim is essential. My eldest was in the water from a baby: no issues, he loved it and was swimming well by the time he started school. I also took my youngest to the baby swim lessons but she hated it (understatement). So I waited (but kept taking her to the pool) a few years, but she was adamant she didn't want to get face/hair wet etc. Not easy, and I didn't want to scare her more (she was fine if she was being held and could splash in the water), so I took a slow approach with her.

When she was about 7, she started telling me that she wanted to go on the pool inflatables, to water parks and wanted to learn to sail/windsurf/dive (I used to teach these). So I told her that the only way the organisers and myself would allow that (rightfully, there were rules put in for these activities about swimming ability) was if she could meet those rules (swim 25m unaided, tread water etc etc). She agreed to swimming lessons and within a short time was swimming well: she was the eldest by far in the beginner group, but I pointed out adults who were having 1:1 lessons. She had lessons at a private pool (as that was the only place that had vacancies and I wanted to strike when the iron was hot), and I think there were six in the group.

Try not to worry too much about leaving it a couple of years: sometimes, taking a bit of extra time does help. What changed things with us was that she WANTED to do it. DC and I went on our first overseas holiday this year, and went to a massive waterpark, swam in the sea, went snorkelling etc. This is something we never would have been able to do a number of years back. She loved every minute of it, was in the water for hours with no fear/worry. You wouldn't have thought that she had only learned to swim in past 3yrs!

If you can and you may do this already, take him "swimming" each week yourself. Just splashing about it the water with you, ducking under, some swimming pool toys. Being confident in the water is important. May be worth shelving the lessons until he is more confident.

At my pool they start out with just games. The children can all touch the bottom of the pool, but they assess how well each child can swim and have different amounts of floats for each child according to ability. I absolutely think that you should speak to the teacher if only for reassurance or to raise your concerns. A child shouldn't be put off the water or swimming. Some kids will take it in their stride, others will get upset and need more support and reassurance.

Surely this is more to do with you being a mum and him being a dad? I'm a very good swimmer but won't be happy with op's dc going under and not being able to get out again unassisted without someone right next to him

my dd learned recently and they never took the floats off till she was ready. She was also scared of going under so it would have terrified her. Poor boy.

He's gotta learn and he cannot stay on the top to do so. He can touch the bottom!

I think the assumption with stage 1 lessons is that the child is at least used to water, even if they can’t swim at all. I never bothered with ducklings but my kids were in the pool from babies so when they got to their swimming lessons they were confident going under. The lessons are not really designed for nervous kids because of the adult to cold ratio. I’d echo pp that you should pay for some private lessons, but also that you need to be calm. If he sees you panicking he’ll believe there’s something to panic about.

Are you a confident swimmer op? Is it worth you considering a couple of adult lessons to boost your confidence if not? You and your son don’t need to make the swim team or be future lifeguards, but being happy around water makes a lot of situations easier and more relaxing!

Exactly the same here.

I was getting flashbacks reading the OP’s post. I never go swimming and always got DP to take the children to their classes so they didn’t pick up on my fear.

Did you miss that there was a lifeguard?

Totally agree with you. It's like everyone is middle class and have tonnes of money and time to send babies to swim class when it's pretty pointless at that age apart from bragging rights

@Mamabear256 I don’t think a class of 8 kids to 1 teacher is the best environment for your child. Mine went to a pool where the teacher didn’t even get in the water with them!

I sent DS to classes for several years during Primary school but he never got very far with them (later discovered he has Dyspraxia and Autism).

As we live on the coast, I thought it was vital that he learnt to swim so eventually found a teacher for 1:1 lessons when DS was 11yrs old. She was highly recommended by a friend of mine as she mainly teaches nervous adults to swim.

Obviously, she charges a lot more but he only needed 6 lessons with her and he was flying along. Honestly, it was incredible the difference and how quickly with her that he ‘got it’. The school had started swimming lessons for the older children that term and he ended up racing the other boys in the last swim session and came second. I can’t tell you how proud I was (and shocked the others were). 😂

I don’t think so. I’m far more relaxed about our son skateboarding, BMXing etc. than my husband is.

but that’s different. It’s fine with a parent or teacher in the pool and often holding them whilst they go under slowly building water confidence.

In this scenario there has been no such confidence built and won’t reduce fear… only increase it.

I’d find a new class OP.

He will go under sometimes, he can touch the floor, even if barely, so he could push himself back to the surface. They are not going to let him drown.

Honestly OP if you want him to have more support then you need to either pay for private lessons (it’s £30 for 30 minutes where my son goes) or somewhere where they have pool buddies as well as the instructor (my son usually has an instructor and 2 pool buddies to 8 children) but again you pay a premium for that too.

Would she have been scared even if she knew she could stand up?

He wasn't harmed...