My non swimming child went under during swimming lesson

[Mamabear256]

DS is 4.5 years old and has just started swimming lessons, stage 1 at his local leisure centre. It’s 8 children per class, one instructor and a lifeguard watching 2 classes in the pool.

He’s naturally quite a shy reserved boy and he doesn’t like going under water, he doesn't love going but he does need to learn to swim.

Last week he had a trial, whereby he used floats the whole time. However yesterday, the first thing the instructor got to do was all of the children to doggy paddle across the width of the pool (a small-ish pool) without any aids or support. The instructor was standing a few metres in front whilst all 8 children doggy paddled at the same time. DS can barely touch the floor and he doesn’t even know what a doggy paddle is. It was inevitable he was going to go under, and he did. The instructor wasn’t too near my DS so I started to run around to get him. After a few seconds one of the mums shouted towards me ‘it’s ok he’s back up!’ I looked and the instructor had him.

Now I genuinely do not believe he should have been asked to do that without any floats. If the children went one by one doing it with the teacher next to them then I get that. But not all 8 at the same time, with the instructor not close to him, and especially as he is a non swimmer and can barely touch the floor.

I want to complain but just wanted to check if this is normal or not.

AIBU in thinking this isn’t right and to complain?

Hmm, “going under” when you can’t swim at all would just been drowning, unless there is someone to rescue you. There isn’t really any “learning to deal with it” involved at this stage!

My son is 5 and had been doing swimming lessons since 3.5

He went in to stage 1 at 4.5 and there is no way they would have got him to swim without support. They have just started trying now and he is in stage 2 and has been for nearly 12 months!

Also slightly concerned about the 8:1 at our lesson they would have another person in the water if there are 8 children.

To the post stating there must be rules around depth, I don't think there is, our pool is 1.2m and has stage 1 in.

Absolutely not overreacting. No, “going under” is a NOT a mandatory part of learning to swim, how ridiculous. The swimming lessons we had were a ratio of 1:3, so 2 staff to 6 children, and even then they rarely went altogether. My DD (5) is a really confident swimmer, and definitely did not learn to swim by going under, as she’d have hated that.

Try and find better lessons and complain loudly OP, your son should not be put in a position to go under and be scared in a lesson.

I’d also vote for smaller group/ 1:1 lessons. My son started in group (1:8) at age 5, and he although he wouldn’t have been put in this situation, he only ended up getting about 3-4 mins of swimming in his lesson after everyone had their turn. I felt like I’d spent nearly £150 and he wasn’t close to being able to swim. He’s pretty easily distracted in group classes so that’s definitely not all on the instructor.

6 months later I shared the cost of an intensive half term swim class with one other mum in my son’s class and both boys could swim after 5 lessons, and it was about £75 to share all the lessons. He was no better than the non-swimmer he was sharing the classes with on day one of the intensive course, so really needed that 1:2 environment to get him to listen and progress. I felt much more relaxed watching him too as I could see the improvement.

Yes, when you choose to. If the child cried afterwards they obviously found it a frightening experience that could just put them off swimming completely. Some children love putting their head underwater, some don’t mind and some hate it. They have to learn to do it, but an unpleasant experience at the age of four probably isn’t the best way to go about it.

Some swimming instructors are better than others at teaching children lacking in confidence in the water.

Sounds like the problem is you've never taken him swimming! At 4.5, I'd have expected him to have gone with his parents, just for fun well over 50 times. So he should be well used to the water going over his face just from playing.

He could touch the bottom, there's staff in the pool. Make sure you don't make a bug deal of it and give him issues.

Saying that, my 4yo class has 8 students and 3 teachers in the pool. When they have a new student 1 staff member stays with that child the whole class. None of them can reach the bottom though, it's about 1.20m

I can't swim, hate being in water. Have had many lessons as an adult, but just can't relax enough to manage to do it properly.

I made a point of taking my DS to swimming lessons and I was terrified every time he disappeared under, but I had to trust that the instructor knew what he was doing.

My advice would be to carry on with the lessons, but get him in the same pool between lessons a few times, so he can just familiarise himself with being in the water.

Well clearly they can, at our pool the kids use a noodle until they can stand. They all seem to learn to swim. And enjoy the process.

There's more stages to learning than just the bit where you swim unaided. Particularly for very young children. Putting your face under is not the same as flailing around panicking under water unsupported when you can barely reach the bottom.

I'm sure they don't throw 8 babies in in Australia and see which can swim. They will be supported 1 to one and it will start with being held and reassured while having a bit of water on their face and progress from there.

If you are going to teach 8 non swimmers to swim with a single instructor, then yes you will need floats. They can doubtless learn much quicker in a 1:1 lesson. But most UK parents can't afford that

@FlingThatCarrot so it’s the OP’s fault for not taking him swimming enough that her son was put in a dangerous position where he was scared and crying after avoidably going under when he wasn’t used to it in a lesson with a trained instructor?

You need to take responsibility for the fact you have put your child in swimming lessons without making sure they are comfortable with dipping their head in and telling them that all they need to do is touch the bottom if they get into difficulty, Sorry OP but you and your DH have let your son down by not preparing him adequately.

Start off in the bath either getting him to put his face in the water. How do you wash his hair? He must be used to water on his face surely? Take him to the pool yourself and play games. If you don't do any prep or practice in between you're in for a long haul, you'll be joining all the other parents in Mumsnet that think a 30 minute lesson a week is sufficient to teach a critical life skill.

There's so much interpretation in this that no one can give you a proper answer.

Can he stand up? It would be a good idea for you to take him to that pool and find out. Teach him how to stand on top toes and left his chin so his mouth and nose is out of the water.

Perhaps because he's only had armbands on it didn't occur to him to put his feet down as quickly as the instructor expected.

I think you should have a conversation about it. You don't have to start with a complaint or pull him out but you can say you were concerned watching.

Get their side of the reason for doing it this way and what is and isn't normal.

I do agree that 8 is a lot at once. It's 4 at a time in our lessons. Although they are little so it's possible didn't understand this.

Do you swim yourself? If you want to help him learn a pool with steps going down to it is especially helpful as it's easier to push off into a glide position. Stand a metre or so away and let him doggy paddle to you.

If you can take him a couple of times and build his confidence he'll progress much more easily.

It's interesting that no swim instructors who have posted would use this method to teach children how to swim and yet some posters are still accusing the OP of being precious.

As for helicopter parenting, if there's one circumstance in which it's justified, surely that would be supervising non-swimmers in swimming-pools. Because the answer to "What is the worst thing that could happen here?" is actually quite bad.

If he doesn't like going under and he doesn't like the lessons then I'd take him out for a while and just go swimming a couple of times a week to him to get used to it.

My DD absolutely loved swimming the first time, age around 1 or 2 and then lockdown meant we couldn't go for ages. When she went again aged 3, she was really clinging to me and didn't want her face to go under and was so nervous, even with arm bands. I just didn't force her but helped her to paddle with me holding her and eventually she found her confidence again and starting trying to swim in a shallow area without armbands. We haven't started lessons yet but we will eventually.

Thanks - same with me, except I did teach myself to swim. I don’t know why I was nervous because I was a very active, confident child with everything else except going under at swimming. I think a few children simply can’t cope with it. I did eventually learn to swim - by teaching myself. I managed to do that without going under at any point.

It’s understandable you’re upset, OP. Some children simply don’t like the feeling and for those children it’s not a helpful part of learning to swim - it just makes them fearful of the water and delays them.

I paid for individual lessons for my DC and I told the instructor they were nervous about going under (I didn’t know if this was true but I wanted them taught ‘gently’). Because the instructor was focused and gentle, my DC learnt to swim quickly and without fear. The instructor then worked very gently on water confidence, which involved dipping your face in, blowing bubbles, how to hold your breath, etc etc.

Strange concept BUT.......Everyone is different

Your clever DS 🙄

How deep was the part of the pool he was in?

Most pools I've been to have had a shallow end/teaching pool about 0.8m, and I'd assume even a fairly small 4.5yr old would be able to stand in that with their nose and mouth clear of the water? Definitely if they stood on tiptoes.

I think there's a difference between the instructor asking them all to swim across an area where they could all easily stand, and asking the same in an area where they couldn't touch the bottom.

I'm a swimming teacher what was the depth of the water? Guessing 0.80 so he can touch the floor. I teach a class of 8. I teach them how to stop amd stand. So when they try to get themselves buoyant they know how to stop. I wouldn't have sent all 8 together though effectively they would be swimming on top of each other but about 3/4 with me stood infront depending on pool space. Kids do need to learn how to stop and I'd always be on hand to grab a child if they lost their footing which is what happened here. Air bands are restrictive and hinders buoyancy. I would advise taking inbetween lessons and practice.

I don't think the OP doesn't want him to go swimming or she wouldn't have put him in lessons. She doesn't want him to drown which seems entirely reasonable!

School swimming lessons will hopefully be better run.

Posts like this are really annoying me. The child is in an age appropriate class that doesn't require any previous swimming experience. The teacher should be bearing that in mind when taking the lesson. The child's swimming experience isn't a "problem", it's entirely expected for the class he was in.

Brilliant for those who could swim from a young age, really, but every family makes their own decisions with their own resources and there's nothing actually wrong with getting to 4.5 without being able to swim.

I had similar issues with my child, swimming in a group and too small to touch the bottom. He wasn’t confident and didn’t enjoy it. I found other lessons where the pool was more shallow and there was better supervision. He felt safer and began to love swimming. He is now 15 and a confident swimmer.

You know this is why he's in lessons, right?

Why are you asking about pool depth? It's irrelevant as OP has already said he can barely reach the bottom. Will you be asking for his date of birth yet to ensure he's only 4.5 and not nearly 5?

Just as a personal PoV, I had a swimming 'lesson' like this where I went under and they fished me out with a broom handle. I became terrified of water and refused to go to lessons or swim until I was a teenager and even now I'm not a confident swimmer. Some kids can shrug incidences like that off, others can't. For an already nervous child, a bad experience like that can do a lot of damage.

Honestly OP if you have a cautious and anxious child, I would find a much smaller ratio group or even 1:1 to start with. It'll cost you, but it's been so worth it for DD1. And go every week with him yourself, play in the bath with goggles on, etc.

Yes , see also, 1:8 ratio is fine for your kid but mine has almost 1:2

OP, take your boy swimming between lessons. Sit in the toddler pool with him. Practise splashing water on your faces(not a swimming teacher here, just a parent). I took my DD from the minute I could-3 months or so, can't remember.
Private swimming lessons are harder to find but 1:! might help.
Can you swim?