To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

[ITru]

My DP earns 3,800 after tax. Although we live together he also owns a home and so our finances have always been separate and we just split food bills and heating for my place. Anyway…

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800. He never asks me to sub him or anything so that’s not the issue… the issue is he has often said let’s go somewhere cheaper for dinner or let’s go abroad one less night etc. he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me. Like I say he does pay his way so that’s fine but I can’t understand why for example we went somewhere average for my birthday dinner recently or why we couldn’t have split the cost of a swanky hotel when we went away in summer rather than camping like we did!!

I know everyone has a different perspective on how to spend money and what to spend it on but AIBU to think this is extreme?

as I’ve said many times, I’m not subbing him in any way

^

Your paying his rent with your mortgage

Many people I know, including me and my late husband, had our own properties when we first met and kept them for a while. After all, who knows how a relationship is going to pan out...best to keep your options open. Renting one out wasn't that common in my day, as it immediately restricts your options again. Generally what happened is after a few years, and marriage, both houses were sold and a joint / larger one bought

I struggle to see why people are so fixated on what is to me a relatively normal approach, and why people think the OP weakening her position by having him contribute to her mortgage is a good thing

How on earth have you got to his costs being minimal? He is still paying his full mortgage, his council tax, standing charges for water and electric plus then some usage. He's then paying half the food and electric bill at the OP's. I sometimes feel like MN is a damning indictment of the UK's education system.

Bottom line is, if you split, what happens??

He's lived rent free for x years....and has still been paying his mortgage off.

You've just been paying a mortgage off.

He has 2. You have 1.

Which is less.

@Mnetcurious he is paying half bills. I am not subbing him as his house isn’t rented out.

She's protecting her position by not having him contribute to the house. Very sensible.

I don't think his savings are excessive. Security means different things to different people.

Whilst he's paying what you deem a comfortable amount, what he does with the rest is his business.

If your lifestyles are incompatible, look at whether that works for you. Say no, I'd like to spend 7 nights, not 6. I'd like a 3 star meal, not chips etc. If he's unmovable, then he may not be for you.

Or, for anyone whose not an idiot, they both have their mortgages paid off. It's 1 and 1. The bloke isn't renting out his place, he's paying the mortgage himself. He also doesn't have the comfort of living in his own chosen place.

I do find it odd that he keeps so much money for the future, but is not living and enjoying the moment a bit more.

He is though. Going out to dinner, for me, is about the people I'm with. I genuinely wouldn't make any difference to "the moment", in terms of my overall enjoyment, whether it was a half decent pub or a swanky London restaurant. The same with holidays. In fact, it's only since I've been forced to holiday alone(ie less happily) that the destination matters to me at all.

Well OP, he might want to take advantage of not paying CGT by almost maxing out his ISA allowance every year? How old is he? Does he have a pension and how much?

It's all a bit out of context. Hard to know if he's being sensible or a bit extreme. I put 1k into my pension each month and save another 1.6k into an ISA in my early 40s. I live well, I just don't care about swanky hotels etc. as most of the time it's just not worth it.

You two probably have a different view on money. If I don't want to spend something it doesn't mean I am stingy. I just don't see the value in some things and don't want to pay over the odds for something that makes no difference to my happiness etc. and if it means I'd just help make someone else rich. You are both entitled to have your approach to money.

But the point is, she could also be saving a similar proportion of her salary as he is, but doesn't think saving that much is a good idea. That's why she's worse off. She would rather spend than save. Otherwise she would be in the same position. It's her choice not to; why should he be penalised for that?

If this was the other way round and the woman was saving, would you expect her to compensate him for not saving?

But he’s living in OP’s house!

I would love you to try explain your maths on this one !!! How the hell does he have 2? He has one house , his own, that he is currently paying all the bills on. Op has one house, her own , that she is paying half the bills on. They each have 1 (one) house and would have one house each ( Their own current houses) if they separated.

Whilst he's saving a lot, he is also spending 2.3k/month, so it doesn't seem like he is particularly miserly? I personally don't care about fancy restaurants, so don't spend my money on them. But I do like my holidays so wouldn't go camping. Each to their own.

I’d find this level of saving irksome because he’s scrimping on enjoying life now. My husband sat in a chair and died, he was gone in a second. As they say, there’s no pockets in shrouds.

I agree, the lack of understanding basic mathematics on this thread is depressing.

£77k is hardly security, and isn't yet an adequate pension. It sounds like you still have holidays and evenings out, so tbh it sounds pretty sensible to me. Are you saying that you would prefer to spend more on being a little more extravagant, rather than have savings for the future? That's a diff attitude to him and will cause problems if you ever join up your finances. It is his money, that he is earning, so I think you shouldn't judge him on it if you don't feel you're subbing him in any way.

He's making money off you. He should be paying you some rent.

He has a house with a mortgage, which he pays. He also pays insurances, taxes and utilities on that house, although I imagine gas and electricity will be minimal if he isn’t living there.

OP has a house with a mortgage, which she pays. She pays insurances, utilities and taxes, but the partner pays towards food and living expenses.

Seems fairly equitable. The question was weather the mount he’s saving is excessive. He doesn’t think it is, OP thinks there could be some room to treat themselves a bit more.

Neither is right or wrong. Just different financial outlooks.

😂😂

I imagine he's holding on to his empty house because he's not at all sure about a future with someone who expects fancy holiday and restaurants

TBH I think he should rent his house. It’s a waste to keep it empty.

They go to their own houses.

OP own her house so stays put. Op doesn't get any input into her bills - the house she owns and pays on the mortgage remains her. She could then get single person council tax reduction.

He goes back to his house which he has been paying his mortgage on- immediately because he is not renting it out so doesn't have to wait to get vacancy again - and continues to pay his bills there which may go up but he won't be paying at OP house as well - so probably has more money.

He doesn't have 2 houses - as he has no claim to OP house - but does have immediate access to his own house as it's not rented out.

If he’s living in your house and not contributing towards rent/mortgage, you’re subbing him. You pay the mortgage for the home in which you both live.

It isn't really, you need closer to £500K for a comfortable retirement. And if you lost your job that sort of money would only last 2-3 years. Once you get to a certain age it is difficult to find work again.

I save £1K a month on top of pension contributions. My take-home salary isn't a million miles (pounds) from his take-home. I'd save more but have my son's rent at university to pay. But if I want to do, or buy, something nice, I do/buy it.

I don't think he's that unreasonable. But £1k a month would be enough. The £500 could be used for the here and now.