To think this level of saving is extreme and I’m right to question it?

[ITru]

My DP earns 3,800 after tax. Although we live together he also owns a home and so our finances have always been separate and we just split food bills and heating for my place. Anyway…

it recently came to light that DP is saving 1,500 from an income of 3,800. He never asks me to sub him or anything so that’s not the issue… the issue is he has often said let’s go somewhere cheaper for dinner or let’s go abroad one less night etc. he’s always trying to cut costs. Now I know he’s saving this it’s really annoyed me. Like I say he does pay his way so that’s fine but I can’t understand why for example we went somewhere average for my birthday dinner recently or why we couldn’t have split the cost of a swanky hotel when we went away in summer rather than camping like we did!!

I know everyone has a different perspective on how to spend money and what to spend it on but AIBU to think this is extreme?

His saving is fine - I only wish I could afford to save as much! Fair dues to him for having 77k saved, and I respect his dedication to saving. If that doesn't work for you that's okay though.

But you are certainly subbing him by letting him live with you. For one thing, he's paying half the cost of heating a home instead of all of it.

(Edited because I cross posted with the OP about renting out his own home while living with her)

Of course you’re subbing him! Where else could he live where he only paid half of food and bills. Why are you refusing to see this?

Why would he pay towards her mortgage? They each own their own house that they each pay for. The OP wouldn’t want him contributing to her mortgage because he’ll then gain rights to her home/equity.

He should be paying her rent then. No wonder he can save if he’s living there rent free.

Him staying with you rent free us allowing him to rent out his property and keep all that income to himself. Hence he can save whilst you can't.

Of course you’re subbing him! Where else could he live where he only paid half of food and bills. Why are you refusing to see this?

Op says he's not renting his property out - and presumably still has to pay his bills on that while also rightly giving OP half for bills incurred at her house.

I suppose it could be cheaper to cater for two - but not by that much surely - plus he'd have to pay all his council tax heating electricity bill and mortgage/rent at his place and half of bills at OP house.

In fact seem like the current arrangement may be costing him more - has that impacted on need to save with him?

IL old neighbour rented like this for over a decade - spent bulk of time at partners and paid rent and bills at property next door. IL like him but liked less lack of adequate heating and corresponding damp with that side and garden being left to go wild. When he finally moved in with partner - landlord sold it at auction as it needed a lot of work by then.

Are you losing the single persons rates discount ?
If so does he make it up ?

OP has said he doesn't rent his place out???

Except the OP has said he isn't renting it out...so no other income

But presumably he’s paying his own mortgage. If she accepts rent that he starts to gain rights to her house/equity so she would need to get legal advice.

I think this is just a different outlook on money.

You seem quite content that you are not supporting him remotely financially, so I’ll take that off the table.

The fact you think £77k is ‘nearly a £100k!’ And that it is an abundance of safety, lets me know what wavelength you are on.

How long have you been together?

You need to look at this differently- it’s not about how much he saves or spends- it’s about how much you allow him to save by letting him live in your house for FREE. You are subbing him. He could disappear in a puff of smoke along with his money which you have enabled him to save. Why don’t you suggest going to live in his house and you pay have the bills? You outgoings would plunge and you could save lots yourself.

And no it’s not extreme. Extreme is going out for a family occasion, refusing to have something to eat and getting a glass of water to drink, and then patting yourself on the back for having saved yourself money.

That's a good point.

It is a little confusing.

If he isn’t renting out his house, and he lives in yours full time- what is the purpose of his house? Is it just sat empty?

If he’s that bothered about having so much money, could he not sell his house and the two of you make your house your shared home? He lives there anyway. He’d be absolutely wadded then, so wouldn’t necessarily need to save as much as £1500 a month, and the pair of you could splurge a bit more and enjoy going out/doing nice things.

How would OP's outgoings plunge? She'd still have her house to pay for.

The OP really doesnt seem concerned about this. Perhaps there are other factors that we dont know about...

I would rather my partner was a big saver than a big spender who was in debt.

Maybe he’s saving for early retirement? For an investment property?
I don’t think he’s being selfish. I think he’s planning for the future.

If you have the money to split a fancy holiday etc why not just suggest that? or why don’t you pay for it?

This!

Why are people struggling to understand that they both own their own houses. Assuming one is mostly empty (his) and they stay at OPs most of the time. So no, he wouldn't be contributing to her mortgage. Just some towards bills and food?

So does he has an empty house and lives in yours? Why?

Reading your posts I can't help thinking that if he was saving £1000 a month you'd be saying "why can't he save £800?".

Fundamentally, you don't have the same attitude towards money and that's a massive problem for a good relationship.

Yes, I wouldn't consider less than a year's salary and less than (likely) the debt on my house, security.

You might not be on the same wavelength financially and that's going to be a problem, but I don't think that makes you right and him wrong.

Send him home then. You really are, his costs are minimal while he lives with you.

He needs to make up the single person discount at the very least. Is he doing that?

It's probably like IL neighbour sat there in case it's needed if they split up - to store his stuff and for occasional night they want apart to have his post sent to - till they are in place they want to live together - which may not be what Op wants.

Yes but there’s middle ground isn’t there? Living with your DP rent free which enables you to save loads is a bit cheeky.