I've recently gotten back together with the dad of my kids. I have no idea if I declare us living together for benefits

[anle]

We've been split for 4 years not long after our youngest was born. We haven't been together since

He had a girlfriend for a year in this time so he'd have evidence of living there (I'm so scared they try to say no you've been together this entire time)

He had to move back in with his mum after he split with his ex. So all his bills etc go there

He is here often to see the kids and stays a couple of nights at his mum. We don't share finances. He paid through child maintenance until last month. We had child maintenance for years probably the entire 4 years.

I have no idea about declaring him living here or if I should? I've never had a partner to even think about this in the past 4 years

I know all his bills etc are registered at his mums house. His car is etc.
I have very nosey neighbours who are out to cause trouble a lot so they will report him staying the night here

What do I do?

Just tell the truth and there will be nothing to be terrified of. FYI, I know afew people who claim benefits as single parents whilst their partner is actually living with them. Those people are better off than most people I know. VERY UNFAIR and a massive risk of being caught!

OP please don't listen to the people trying to make you feel bad. You aren't doing anything wrong.
Your DP could live with you one day a week and DWP could get a tip off and do some checks or he could live there 7 days a week and the same checks will be done.
A recent case where every single financial footprint was at a girlfriend's address didn't satisfy the DWP that he was living there. So just carry on. When and if you let him move in and get transfers his life to your house. Do it then

@anle MN will start frothing a bit when UC is concerned. The truth is, they’re so snowed under that as long as you’re honest they don’t really care. When I split with my ex I still had to live in the same house until I found somewhere else. We had a joint claim and I rang them to explain, under the same roof, happy to share rental applications with them, welcome to check up on us. They said ‘that’s fine, it happens’ and never asked anything else. I could still be living there now under a single claim and I doubt they’d have checked in.

What they do take more seriously is claims of fraud. Call them up, explain that you have reestablished a relationship with your ex but obviously a couple of months in its early days even sharing children. That you have no intention of living with him yet, he’s still with his mum but could UC please clarify their position on your claim for now/the future. At what point is it considered a two person claim and the process to change that when needed. As long as you’re proactive and showing your willing to update your circumstances as soon as needs be, they’ll work with you not against you.

@LostTheMarble I'm not sure staff handling UC journal entries or answering phone calls will give a definitive answer on @anle's position. As the ADM link posted early on makes clear whether two people are 'living together as a married couple' (LTAMC) is a matter of fact decided on the circumstances of the couple involved. Civil Servants are, rightly, very chary of giving advice in areas like that.

I don't think there's any single factor whether its the number of nights he's at hers, joint finances, where his bank statements go, the address on the V5 for his car or any of the myriad other things mentioned upthread.

I've seen instances where, once the investigators are on the case, evidence of linking via joint accounts or the address on credit card accounts have been used to evidence LTAMC. That's not the same thing as the absence of such links proves you're not a couple.

You wouldn’t declare him living with you until he is living with you. Why has he stopped paying maintenance? Surely if he is not living with you and not contributing to household costs you would still rely on those monies to cover all your costs?

If he's there most nights, they eat and socialise together, share care of the children and he and OP have, to a detached observer, the 'look and feel' of a couple then they're probably LTAMC.

The DWP would liaise with your local council the fraud dept would have access to absolutely everything. Banks statements DVLA records etc etc you have nothing to worry about

Just inform UC via the messaging service you have a new partner and he's been staying over. It's started to become regular about 4 nights a week and ask if there's anything you do to do about this.

Also say you are now receiving X amount direct for child Maintenon rather than through CMS.

He is a new partner regardless of whether he's your child's father or not. You only need to give details if and when asked.

Problem is if you start panicking you've done something wrong (you haven't) you'll start tying yourself in knots and make yourself look suspicious.

Is it? I work in this sector and it’s a rule we’ve always followed 🤔

It might be a point to start asking further questions but, at least in UC, it's not a binary switch.

@ShiningforLeeBertie how can I have a boyfriend comfortably without risking being reported and done for fraud?

If I am reported and they decide he lives here or I report it and they decide I've "lied" do I face prison charges or charges of fraud?

@whoscoatsthatjacket2012 how do I do it comfortably because I know my neighbours will report me. My partner is mixed and so are my children they are racist and have made our lives living hell. If he was even here an hour they'd report it

How do I do this without been done for fraud?

Forget what they'll report. Reporting a partner who's visited for an hour is a waste of DWP time. They won't care.

Make your own report first. Do a change of circumstances on your UC account and put all information. They'll send you a letter to say what you'll do next - either overpayment or nothing. No fraud charge.

If you haven’t heard anything yet - then you haven’t been reported. If they ask you in for an interview then just be honest about the situation. The onus is on them to prove you are lying.

@anle having a boyfriend is fine. Some nights at yours, some at his. That's what we all do.

Once he's living with you four nights in seven and your setup has the 'look and feel' of a couple with kids you're on thin ice.

I don't think, however vindictive your neighbours are, that DWP could go after you on the basis he never moved out but as above, where you are now, is in the territory where an advisor would say you're well into a grey area.

Does anyone know how long the change over in benefits would take. I'm not on UC but old style benefits. How long would I be without money?

When I first became single and applied it took 5 weeks and I had no money at all.

"I hate everything about benefits"

so don't claim them?

Might not have a choice.

You’d automatically have to switch over to UC. Old benefits cease with a change of circumstances like this.

Does your ex work? You may not even be entitled to benefits if he earns and owns property.

Shouldn't be moaning then.

You’re a fountain of compassion

I think it would be fraud to carry on living like this after 3 years to cheat the system, but not 3 months. Most people wouldn't be living together 3 months in to a new relationship seeing how things go.

As if you would be any different.

Is it a new relationship several kids down the line?

@IVFmumoftwo yeah. We split for 4 years