I've recently gotten back together with the dad of my kids. I have no idea if I declare us living together for benefits

[anle]

We've been split for 4 years not long after our youngest was born. We haven't been together since

He had a girlfriend for a year in this time so he'd have evidence of living there (I'm so scared they try to say no you've been together this entire time)

He had to move back in with his mum after he split with his ex. So all his bills etc go there

He is here often to see the kids and stays a couple of nights at his mum. We don't share finances. He paid through child maintenance until last month. We had child maintenance for years probably the entire 4 years.

I have no idea about declaring him living here or if I should? I've never had a partner to even think about this in the past 4 years

I know all his bills etc are registered at his mums house. His car is etc.
I have very nosey neighbours who are out to cause trouble a lot so they will report him staying the night here

What do I do?

People break up and get back together all the time. I don't know why you're so convinced this is super rare and they're going to try and scam you.

They will be couples you do thus multiple times a year. Just tell them now before you are actually doing something wrong for them to tell you off.

Also once your benefits stop will he make up the difference?

Why would you say he moved in September when you said he moved in June? You just need to be honest, and if there are any discrepancies then they may investigate further.

The mere fact that you call him your partner says you should have told them many weeks ago and are likely committing benefit fraud. You should come clean as soon as possible, or at the very least a phone call to DWP for advice.

Language matters to the DWP. If he was a casual boyfriend it wouldn't matter.

Why don't you just ring them and be honest and ask their advice? If you've done nothing wrong I can't see an issue with this. Tell then you have got back together with the DC father, it was casual but is now looking more serious/permanent and he's staying over in the week. At this stage he still has another property but this is likely to change & he will eventually move in full time. Ask them: do I call back then or does this count as a change of circumstances in which case that's fine please tell me what I need to do. And do it.

Theres more to it than just combined finances. Such as the DMG that I posted earlier.

This is what I was referring to when people just state opinions as if it is fact. From memory, last time I checked there were approx 14 different criteria that are taken into account when deciding on LT, not just "combining finances"

@Locutus2000 at 14:36 has it covered.

You can have a boyfriend and have him round to stay now and then. Or you stay at his place.

Once you've got the look and feel of a couple living together as though you're married ie eating together as though a family, doing the domestic stuff together and begin to be perceived as a couple under one roof then DWP etc need to be told.

Yes, this is sensible advice.
If his bills etc. are all at his mother's house, he's living there, not with you.

You declare him as living with you if he moves in with you and you're sharing finances.

The best course of action for now would be to keep to 3 nights or fewer and see how the relationship goes, for your children's sake (and your own) as well as to ensure you're not breaking any rules.

(unless of course he has no intention of ever contributing towards the household in which case you're a bloody fool for putting up with him and if you don't declare him living with you, you absolutely do risk the DWP coming after you and rightly so!)

You're wrong on many levels.

That was sensible advice, shame what you posted after wasn't at all

Awww don't worry, I hope everything works out lovely for you both ❤️

If you're worried give them a call to see where you stand. I had a male friend live with me for a few months after his break up when I was single and rang them to ask advice, they said it was fine (almost 15 years ago though so may have changed!) To live with someone, even an ex, providing you don't have shared finances. They said to not worry about anything unless I'm I get a live in partner and to ring them back if my circumstances changed.
When my circumstances did change and my dp and I became serious and we had a joint claim for tax credits, we had 8 weeks without any money from them and it was quite a difficult couple of months. I didn't know my money would stop. So if your partner moves back in save up for the eventuality so you have enough cash to cover the time your benefits are stopped.

If he still sleeps at his mum's place sometimes, and has belongings there, that is his official place of residence. Yot u can have someone to stay over whenever you like and as long as they don't actually move in, it won't affect your benefits.

I hope he has not been trying to get back with you just because he split with girlfriend.

Just make sure he is still 'living with' his mother and doesn't leave a lot of stuff at yours.

I have an uneasy feeling about this but you know him, we don't, so will wish you good luck. Just don't jump in at the deep end too soon.

What do I do?

Be honest.

I'm just so scared with how unfair benefits are known to be

Because people lie and try to scam them. Don't be one of those people.

They won't accuse you of living together for the last 4 years. UNLESS someone reports him living there now, which he is if he's there over half the week. So I'd tell them myself if I was you

Benefits aside, don’t let this man get his feet under the table so quickly. You obviously have history but there’s no need to rush into it. You separated for a reason, he’s had other relationships, now he’s back living with his mum he’s got keen again. I’d stop him staying over until you know you have a commitment from him.

What’s the saying? A man falls in love fast when in need of an address.

Yet you've had multiple children with him..

😑

This!

I can imagine that the situation might have developed gradually over the last 3 months, from staying over 1 or 2 nights a week to what you describe as "living together" - although you say it's 4 nights a week? The problem is that the two of you don't seem to have made a conscious decision at any point that he is officially moving in and considered the implications of that. You have children, you are financially and emotionally responsible for them, you can't just move someone in by stealth like this even if he is their father. You need to either reduce the number of nights he stays over (I'd suggest 2 or 3 nights a week max) or agree between you that he's officially moving in, in which case he has to contribute to everything, and you notify DWP (for UC) and the council (for Council Tax).

At the moment he's having his cake and eating it; he gets to spend time with you and the children, presumably have sex with you, benefit from your home which you pay for (and I bet you're cooking for him as well), and not contribute anything financially beyond the odd few things for the children, which is roughly equivalent to what he was paying in child maintenance, anyway.

There is a helpful guide to the rules on living together and benefits at https://www.advicenow.org.uk/guides/living-partner-and-benefits
But it's not just about your benefits, it's about the whole set up and whether it's in the best interests of you and your kids, or whether you lose and he gains.

Then don't let it continue unreported

You know it's fraud

I'm beginning to think op is goading us for a reaction

This can't be real??

We regularly get these "oh no, I hope I am not committing benefit fraud" on a regular basis and the answer is usually yes.
I am not sure how OP ( and others) think that even if the whole of MN agrees they aren't it will help.
IF you are not committing fraud then you have nothing to worry about, if you are then hopefully you will get caught (if you haven't been already)

If he has another address not much can be done.
If neighbours report expect to be investigated but again if you can prove he doesn't share finances and has address elsewhere, father or not, not much can be done. Loads of people are at this.

There's no set rule.
They will just try and associate him with your address with finances etc
You're fine for now.

I would get in touch with your benefits advisor.

Explain he stays several nights a week (popping in and out during the day is not relevant), however, he does not:

Contribute to rent
Contribute to bills
Contribute to food

You believe (because that is reasonable...) that he does contribute to these things at his Mums house, where his post is sent, and where he stays some part of every week.

He does contribute to the costs of his children by buying things for them sometimes, this does not determine that he is living with you.

They will look at the 'balance of probability' here - this may go in your favour or it may not, but either way you're then definitely not committing benefit fraud.

I don't think you have been committing benefit fraud for the last three months - who the hell starts a relationship and from day 1, assumes this is a long term, permanent, financially linked, relationship! No one does that.

I do think if you carry on like this, you might.

You have plenty of proof that he was not living with you prior to this, and that he was living elsewhere, they'll be able to see that, so don't worry about that.