To ask for help in how to address this with school?

[pervyteacher]

Dd (18) is in her 2nd year of sixth form. Last year when she was 17, an issue arose with a male teacher whose behaviour was highlighted as inappropriate with female pupils, one of whom was my daughter. He had been taking selfies on their phones and sending them links to inappropriate things on social media (I don't know the details as my daughter wasn't involved in the latter, but he did use her phone to take weird selfies). Anyway, at the time I spoke with the school's safeguarding lead who assured me that they were dealing with it and it was referred to the police. The teacher was not suspended and my daughter told me that, while she still saw him occasionally around the school, he'd been advised by the safeguarding lead in no uncertain terms not to have any contact with her.

Today my daughter called me at work upset, saying she had seen him and he had asked her to "meet him in a classroom for a chat". She made and excuse and scarpered with her friend. Later in one of her classes she said she saw him hanging around outside the door looking in, which she assumed was for her. She later left her lesson and said she got herself out of the school as quickly as possible to avoid him, and came home.

I'm really angry that she's being made to feel this way, and although it doesn't seem he's done anything that constitutes a criminal offence and is clearly still employed, I do not think he should be lurking around my daughter making her feel this way.

Before I call the school with all guns blazing, how would you handle this? AIBU to be angry, or do I need to let my now adult daughter handle this? She's only very recently turned 18 if that's relevant.

I'd forward the email to him. Can't see a downside? Might not make you wildly popular with the headteacher if they haven't reported themselves (which they 100% should've so that's on them), and if they're reporting themselves as they should - also no harm I can see

It doesn’t matter that she’s 18 if she’s at sixth form. Please stop thinking this.

I wouldn't call. I would put in an email and just explain exactly what your daughter has told you word for word to head and safeguarding lead. As hard as it may be, remove all of your emotion from it do not give your opinion on it. This means of communication means you won't have to respond in the moment. Also give the names of the other pupils who witnessed it.

You are doing the right thing OP, how on earth is he allowed to do this!?

She’s an adult but only just. I’d still go all guns blazing for a young uni student if a teacher was being inappropriate.

Totally! My daughter has just started uni. She's still 17, but even if she was 18 I'd have no hesitation in kicking up a fuss if something untoward happened from a member of staff.

Absolutely. The power imbalance between an 18/19/20 year old student and a 40/50/60 year old professional is huge.

Your poor DD, this is not what she needs in her final year of school. And I would be very concerned about other pupils he is currently teaching.

I hope the school respond appropriately.

So I have received a response from the headteacher which is a very brief "we are looking into it, if you need to discuss it further please liaise with (name of safeguarding lead)."

I've also missed a couple of calls from the safeguarding lead this morning when I've been in other meetings, so have called back giving my availability.

Meanwhile I've spoken with DD this morning who said she has been told the teacher in question is not at school today, she doesn't know whether this is because he's suspended or has chosen not to come in. Either way she feels better knowing he's not there.

Alarmingly, she was also told that the teacher in question was asked why he wanted to speak with her, and he responded "I just wanted a chat" (so didn't even have a specific reason?), and apparently he also said that because my daughter "gave him an awkward smile" as they passed each other in the corridor he took this to mean "it's ok to speak to her now".

What the fuck?!

Is it just me or does this man have red flags all over the place?!

OK, maybe I was being overly cautious, but this is what we are taught in safeguarding training. Admittedly I don't know if it applies to discussions with relatives as well as professionals, so my post was badly worded. I would like to clarify, though, that I never said that OP should ignore her daughter's mental health. I also said that the school should be able to advise her on this.

What a shit show OP! I can't believe that their only reply to your email asking how they are keeping your daughter safe was to say they're looking into it, that is beyond the pale! It is also incredibly unprofessional of the school to give your daughter informal updates on the investigation. I would insist on a meeting with the head teacher today, in which you want to be updated on what they are doing to keep your daughter safe and what they are doing to prevent this from happening again in future. Read the safeguarding policy and grill them on whether they have followed it. The head teacher should be investigating this themselves, not leaving it to the DSL.

OP you need to contact the LADO. Don’t just leave it down to the school.

You didn’t use the words “ignore your DDs mental health” but your advice was for a mother to prioritise a potential prosecution with stilted language over responding normally and genuinely to her DD’s distress.

Alarmingly, she was also told that the teacher in question was asked why he wanted to speak with her, and he responded "I just wanted a chat" (so didn't even have a specific reason?), and apparently he also said that because my daughter "gave him an awkward smile" as they passed each other in the corridor he took this to mean "it's ok to speak to her now".

That is alarming. It hopefully also provides all the fodder they need to kick him out - he clearly shows his inability to understand his abuse of power and his intention to continue to be inappropriately familiar with girls if he can find the ones that, in his mind, “like it”.

My post was, as I have explained, well-intentioned but badly worded. I will request to have it removed. It is disappointing that you seem very focussed on my post being badly worded and not at all interested in the underlying intentions. I have explained exactly why I said what I did and admitted I may be wrong. Please leave it now.

Of course its a big deal , he is in a position of trust and responsibility , he has previously acted inappropriately and he is making a young student feel uncomfortable ,obviously no man should be doing this but this situation is a bit different from unwanted attention from a drunk on a night out, he is a teacher !
She absolutely should be 'running to her parents '.

He really shouldn't be working in a school. Sounds like you are handling it well, OP.

Head Teacher is likely fucking furious with him. He is an idiot if he thinks this kind of behavior is going to go unnoticed. There are laws and policies that school management will have to follow when dealing with this. But teachers are also people - often they are parents too. They were all school pupils and young adults themselves once. All this teacher’s colleagues know his behavior is crossing the line into inappropriate and that if he continues he will put his career in jeopardy. They will all be watching him. As will all the students. Since your daughter isn’t in any of his classes he has no reason to be talking to her and she shouldn’t feel like she needs to respect any request he makes to speak to her alone. She did exactly the right thing ignoring his request and telling someone about it.

For all those suggesting that it is escalated, can I point out that just because you may not see what's happening behind the scenes, doesn't mean it isn't being dealt with. The head has replied and said it's being looked into. That's all they will be able to say at this moment.
By the sounds of it, he has already had a warning and if he was told to stay away from certain individuals in the school, then it was most likely a written warning.

Assume that the head will take this seriously as they really have no choice. Escalating at this point will not be helpful

If nothing happens .... escalate, but everything you said so far seems like the school have taken appropriate action. There are procedures to follow and the worst situation would be the school not following procedures as this may make it harder to get rid of the member of staff. Remember, there are employment rules in place.

It is the Head Teacher's job to make enquiries in school and has to find out exactly what has happened therefore cannot give you a response until they have done so. I would suspect, reading between your lines, the teacher in question has been suspended or has gone sick because they know that they are in a world of shit. I would think it unlikely that they will return. But the HT can't tell you that. They have to ensure that procedures are followed. They will get back to you and I understand why you and your daughter need to know now what will happen to this sleaze ball but action will be taken.

In terms of dealing with the teacher, this may be true, but OP has no idea if they went through the right steps the first time. And since the result was not satisfactory, she may be doubting how well they handled it.

Escalating ensures there is some oversight that OP (rightly) cannot insist on providing herself.2

Your daughter has the right to feel safe. Sounds like she doesn't. Email for paper trail but also go in.

rawbloomers
The teacher was originally referred to the police so its highly unlikely it was covered up or any such thing so every indication the school have dealt with it appropriately. If the police had felt there was a criminal case, the teacher would have been suspended. Clearly the teachers behaviour was inappropriate and unprofessional and steps were put in place.

This second incident has just been reported, best to let the head deal with it. No need to escalate unless it doesn't get dealt with. I would have a strong suspicion that the teacher will not be seen again at the school having breached the conditions put in place. The head is the right person to deal with this at this stage.

I don’t disagree the head is the right person to deal with it. And while the reporting to the police does make covering up less likely, once the police declined to act it left the school without oversight. Given they do not (should not) report on their actions to the victim, ensuring the people who do have oversight over the head’s actions are aware of the case is not an unreasonable step. The victim does not really have other safety nets.