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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help in how to address this with school?

158 replies

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:08

Dd (18) is in her 2nd year of sixth form. Last year when she was 17, an issue arose with a male teacher whose behaviour was highlighted as inappropriate with female pupils, one of whom was my daughter. He had been taking selfies on their phones and sending them links to inappropriate things on social media (I don't know the details as my daughter wasn't involved in the latter, but he did use her phone to take weird selfies). Anyway, at the time I spoke with the school's safeguarding lead who assured me that they were dealing with it and it was referred to the police. The teacher was not suspended and my daughter told me that, while she still saw him occasionally around the school, he'd been advised by the safeguarding lead in no uncertain terms not to have any contact with her.

Today my daughter called me at work upset, saying she had seen him and he had asked her to "meet him in a classroom for a chat". She made and excuse and scarpered with her friend. Later in one of her classes she said she saw him hanging around outside the door looking in, which she assumed was for her. She later left her lesson and said she got herself out of the school as quickly as possible to avoid him, and came home.

I'm really angry that she's being made to feel this way, and although it doesn't seem he's done anything that constitutes a criminal offence and is clearly still employed, I do not think he should be lurking around my daughter making her feel this way.

Before I call the school with all guns blazing, how would you handle this? AIBU to be angry, or do I need to let my now adult daughter handle this? She's only very recently turned 18 if that's relevant.

OP posts:
Sameshitdifferentdayx · 12/09/2024 18:41

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:29

Thanks. Sorry if this is a stupid question but do you mean the local authority safeguarding team?

The school/college will have designated safeguard leads, which you should be able to find on their website, usually.

Castleview6 · 12/09/2024 18:42

It’s very worrying that he is still in post after the previous incident. I would be very concerned that the school did not deal with it. You need to report this to both the SG lead and the LADO. Put everything in emails so you have a trail. You should always get a full response to safeguarding concerns and if you are not happy you can escalate.

Sameshitdifferentdayx · 12/09/2024 18:43

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:28

Would contacting the teacher directly and telling him to keep away from her be appropriate??

And I also echo an above poster, do not go to him at all, stay well clear. Head to the professionals mentioned above.

I hope your daughter is OK, how awful!

TiramisuThief · 12/09/2024 18:44

Do not contact the teacher & give him any idea what is coming so he can concoct a story

The details of the DSL should be on the school website.

I would write an email now to that address, copy in the Head but no one else.

Outline what occurred, names, date, time, location

Write what your daughter said, exactly as you remember it, word for word. Don't paraphrase.

Ask to be contacted to arrange a formal meeting first thing tomorrow.

viques · 12/09/2024 18:44

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:28

Would contacting the teacher directly and telling him to keep away from her be appropriate??

No. He will deny it. The people to contact are the people who will remind him that after allegations were made last time he is damn lucky to still have a job.

So form tutor, HOY, Safeguarding lead, HT I would copy them all in on the email. I would also speak to the HOY in person.

Conniebygaslight · 12/09/2024 18:45

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:21

I don't know why her in particular, no he doesn't teach her now. He last taught her in year 11, she's year 13 now.

My temptation was to go all guns blazing but I had to remind myself that she's and adult so I didn't know if that was overstepping? But when she's calling me at work upset and anxious, that's my business surely?

It’s irrelevant in this situation that she’s 18. You are entitled to get involved. As a 6th form college they will have to listen to you. Email the headteacher and safeguarding lead.

HighHeelsOnCobblestones · 12/09/2024 18:45

All guns blazing and straight to the head teacher.

I’ve never seen a safeguarding policy which didn’t state that if staff had concern about another member of staff they don’t go to the DSL, they inform the head teacher straight away. Did the DSL pass your complaint to the head? As soon as you told them, it should have been the head teacher dealing with it.

TiramisuThief · 12/09/2024 18:48

Do not copy anyone in to that email other than Head and DSL.

No one else in the school should know at this stage. What if HOY is a mate of the teacher concerned? Better not to take the risk of them getting warned. There is a process and Head and DSL are the process.

If you are unhappy later on you can escalate then.

Smartiepants79 · 12/09/2024 18:49

He is not her teacher, he has no reason to need to speak to her at all.
At the best he’s being incredibly stupid.
Te her she’s done exactly the right things and to to the head and their safeguarding lead. Email for paper trail and request an immediate meeting.
If you don’t get what you want from them , the governors or your local safeguarding hub - ours is called the MASH.

SoTired12 · 12/09/2024 18:50

I would want to find the pervert myself so I could tell him face to face what would happen if he ever so much as looked at my daughter again...I would also inform the school about it as it sounds like he's a danger to children and should be removed from the school

MyNameIsErinQuin · 12/09/2024 18:51

Allegations against a teacher must go to the head. Look at their safeguarding and complaints policies which must be on their website. They can’t ignore this. No need to go all guns blazing, it won’t make a difference, be firm, follow processes.

FritataPatate · 12/09/2024 18:53

Ex-teacher of over 30 years experience here. My God, YES- blaze your guns! I'm so angry on your family's behalf!
There will be a Safeguarding Lead at the school, so make sure they are included in any communication you have with the school.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 12/09/2024 18:59

I don't think it's a big deal at all. He wasn't even suspended despite what sounds like a thorough investigation so he can't have done anything that wrong.

Your daughter is an adult, she shouldn't be running to you every time a man tries to talk to her in a public place.

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 12/09/2024 18:59

Hi OP, this is appalling behaviour from him. Complaints about members of staff should go straight to the head. Absolutely do not contact him. I would email so it's laid out clearly in writing.
Every school is different but I would imagine a call to the heads PA first thing tomorrow to ask for a meeting would be the speediest way into see them.
As this is a second offence personally I would include the DSL copied into the email.
If your daughter has lessons tomorrow I really think she should attend them. This might horrify her but she should not miss material because of a creepy adult male. If he is stupid enough to do anything tomorrow whilst you are actually in the school I suspect that will aid your case. But if you and she don't feel she can do this that would be understandable.
I think she did very well today. Tell her a random Internet person says so!
Good luck you are in the right and he needs not to be employed anywhere near children.

MyNameIsErinQuin · 12/09/2024 19:02

See section 4 if this document, it sets out what they must do. Reference it when you email the head.

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/66d7301b9084b18b95709f75/Keeping_children_safe_in_education_2024.pdf

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:03

sunseaandsoundingoff · 12/09/2024 18:59

I don't think it's a big deal at all. He wasn't even suspended despite what sounds like a thorough investigation so he can't have done anything that wrong.

Your daughter is an adult, she shouldn't be running to you every time a man tries to talk to her in a public place.

Edited

She doesn't "run to me every time a man tries to talk to her", ffs, how ridiculous. She came to me on this occasion because this is not a random man, it's her ex teacher who she knows had overstepped the mark and isn't supposed to have contact with her!

OP posts:
MelodyMalone · 12/09/2024 19:06

Agree with others. Go to the head. Plan exactly what you are going to say. And whatever the outcome, follow up with an email setting out your concerns and confirming what has been discussed in the meeting.

noblegiraffe · 12/09/2024 19:06

Echoing previous posters, as a teacher we are told that if we have any safeguarding concerns about another teacher/staff member then we should go to the headteacher, not the designated safeguarding lead. Definitely don't contact the teacher yourself.

This all sounds extremely dodgy. If he doesn't teach her then I can't think of any reason why he would want to have a chat with her unless to bring up what happened with the selfies, which he absolutely should not be doing.

Changeiscomingthisyear · 12/09/2024 19:07

You need to report this to head teacher, DSL and the LEA LADO (local authority designated officer). Make sure you give the background of the issues last year.

Lifeofthepartay · 12/09/2024 19:09

I would be either going straight to the police or demand a meeting with said teacher and the head teacher to talk about whatever he wanted to discuss with my daughter!

Sameshitdifferentdayx · 12/09/2024 19:09

sunseaandsoundingoff · 12/09/2024 18:59

I don't think it's a big deal at all. He wasn't even suspended despite what sounds like a thorough investigation so he can't have done anything that wrong.

Your daughter is an adult, she shouldn't be running to you every time a man tries to talk to her in a public place.

Edited

I mean, he has been told to avoid all contact with OPs daughter. He hasn't stuck to that..

MelodyMalone · 12/09/2024 19:11

sunseaandsoundingoff · 12/09/2024 18:59

I don't think it's a big deal at all. He wasn't even suspended despite what sounds like a thorough investigation so he can't have done anything that wrong.

Your daughter is an adult, she shouldn't be running to you every time a man tries to talk to her in a public place.

Edited

It's a school, not a bar or a bus stop, and a teacher who's already been told not to talk to her, not a random man.

Mlb123 · 12/09/2024 19:14

The second incident where she could see him looking into the classroom which she presumed was in search of her, sounds like the kind of thing that a person might do to mess with someone's head after they have already witnessed that they've had an effect on them. The fact she noticed him looking in shows how anxious she was and I suspect also shows how he was wanting her to notice. I wonder if he is deliberately trying to taunt her and perhaps even make it seem like she's overreacting or imaging things to further play with her head and perhaps in some kind of horrible payback because of her complaining about his behaviour. If he asked her to meet up with him in such a way that nobody else could hear clearly then that would definitely point to him trying to intimidate her slyly and then play innocent. Even if her friend overheard that might still be part of the same thing and he may count on changing the context when challenged and often skilled manipulators are well versed in how to make young people doubt what they've heard or believe that they've misheard or misinterpreted. I really don't like the sound of this. It's way ott and he can't think she would agree to meet with him in a private classroom, so he had another insidious agenda. That poor girl, how awful for an adult to make her feel so unsettled and unsafe xx

Combattingthemoaners · 12/09/2024 19:16

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:28

Would contacting the teacher directly and telling him to keep away from her be appropriate??

No, don’t do this. I teach in a 6th Form and it doesn’t matter if the students are 18, we are in a position of authority and should not abuse this power. This teacher is completely inappropriate and senior leadership need to be made aware.

Is there a Head of 6th Form? Can you contact them and update her/him on this contact? I wouldn’t do it in writing because emails get easily lost. I’d ring and ask to speak to someone senior regarding an update on the safeguarding case from last year with Mr ___. You can make notes on it. If you’re not satisfied with their follow up you can request a meeting.

We get so many emails from parents complaining and ranting, it will lose any impact. I hope it is dealt with appropriately as this teacher sounds like he should not be around teenage girls!

SmileEachDay · 12/09/2024 19:18

I’m a DSL in a secondary school. I’d be extremely concerned if this got reported to me and would be passing it on to the head teacher ans the LADO (local authority designated safeguarding officer)

I’m sorry your girl had to deal with this - does she have a trusted adult in sixth form she can access, if it’s making her stressed?