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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask for help in how to address this with school?

158 replies

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:08

Dd (18) is in her 2nd year of sixth form. Last year when she was 17, an issue arose with a male teacher whose behaviour was highlighted as inappropriate with female pupils, one of whom was my daughter. He had been taking selfies on their phones and sending them links to inappropriate things on social media (I don't know the details as my daughter wasn't involved in the latter, but he did use her phone to take weird selfies). Anyway, at the time I spoke with the school's safeguarding lead who assured me that they were dealing with it and it was referred to the police. The teacher was not suspended and my daughter told me that, while she still saw him occasionally around the school, he'd been advised by the safeguarding lead in no uncertain terms not to have any contact with her.

Today my daughter called me at work upset, saying she had seen him and he had asked her to "meet him in a classroom for a chat". She made and excuse and scarpered with her friend. Later in one of her classes she said she saw him hanging around outside the door looking in, which she assumed was for her. She later left her lesson and said she got herself out of the school as quickly as possible to avoid him, and came home.

I'm really angry that she's being made to feel this way, and although it doesn't seem he's done anything that constitutes a criminal offence and is clearly still employed, I do not think he should be lurking around my daughter making her feel this way.

Before I call the school with all guns blazing, how would you handle this? AIBU to be angry, or do I need to let my now adult daughter handle this? She's only very recently turned 18 if that's relevant.

OP posts:
pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:23

So my friend is telling me to threaten to report to Ofsted if they don't take action, apparently this will make them take note?

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 12/09/2024 19:28

It would be more appropriate to follow-up with the police if they were involved last year, than Ofsted.

MelodyMalone · 12/09/2024 19:30

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:23

So my friend is telling me to threaten to report to Ofsted if they don't take action, apparently this will make them take note?

I wouldn't do that unless they're being very unhelpful. I work for a regulator (not Ofsted) and people are always threatening to report things to us. It rarely has the desired effect as far as I can see.

MyNameIsErinQuin · 12/09/2024 19:37

Report to the head in the first instance. Ofsted aren’t going to investigate, they will ask the LA to look at it. It won’t speed anything up and an extra layer could delay things.
It really is easier and more straightforward to follow processes set out in KCSIE (linked above) and corresponding school policies.

A considered, rationale email to the head clearly outlining the allegation is the best way forward.

I dealt with a ranting complaint a while ago as a governor unpicking the actual facts from angry ranting was not easy.

elozabet · 12/09/2024 19:42

Email the head. They would need to be informed anyway so you might as well email the head first.
Just inform them of what happened. Stick to the facts. Do ask that they report back to you though.
If he's had a warning already, they will take this seriously. Just because he's still working at the school, doesn't mean the school didn't deal with it and he maybe skating on very thin ice.
Age of your daughter makes no difference as he is in a position of authority so safeguarding rules apply.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:44

I've drafted a calm, composed email with the facts. It's strongly worded and gets the point across but there's no ranting. I have asked them to inform me how they plan to address this to safeguard my daughter and enable her to feel comfortable and safe at school, I plan to send to safeguarding lead and headteacher.

OP posts:
Changeiscomingthisyear · 12/09/2024 19:46

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:23

So my friend is telling me to threaten to report to Ofsted if they don't take action, apparently this will make them take note?

No, won’t make a difference.

You need to go the LADO yourself, this is an outside person. The school should also self report to the LADO.

Smartiepants79 · 12/09/2024 19:47

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:29

Thanks. Sorry if this is a stupid question but do you mean the local authority safeguarding team?

Look up the MASH for your area.
I would start with school first thought if I was you. I would expect a quick response though so if they don’t I would go over their heads. I wouldn’t bother with ofsted. MASH and then the police if you’re still
concerned.

TiramisuThief · 12/09/2024 19:47

If you are unhappy with the school's actions the next stage is a formal complaint and then governors. But you need to give the school a chance to act first.

Ofsted won't be interested.

MyNameIsErinQuin · 12/09/2024 19:52

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:44

I've drafted a calm, composed email with the facts. It's strongly worded and gets the point across but there's no ranting. I have asked them to inform me how they plan to address this to safeguard my daughter and enable her to feel comfortable and safe at school, I plan to send to safeguarding lead and headteacher.

Copying DSL will not add anything, they won’t be involved as it’s Head’s responsibility. Have you referred to s4 KCSIE and their policies.

Sugargliderwombat · 12/09/2024 19:52

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:23

So my friend is telling me to threaten to report to Ofsted if they don't take action, apparently this will make them take note?

I was going to say I'd be reporting to ofsted.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:54

@MyNameIsErinQuin
They are very much involved- they were the person who originally called me to discuss the first instance of inappropriate behaviour by this teacher when it came to light. They assured me they had it in hand and that they were taking it seriously.

OP posts:
pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:55

TiramisuThief · 12/09/2024 19:47

If you are unhappy with the school's actions the next stage is a formal complaint and then governors. But you need to give the school a chance to act first.

Ofsted won't be interested.

I think they might be interested in a school who was for many years rated "requires improvement" and only in recent years managed to increase to "good". Seems they might require improvement again doesn't it....

OP posts:
FofB · 12/09/2024 19:55

Ask them this direct question- 'what exactly are you going to be doing to keep my daughter safe?'

Smartiepants79 · 12/09/2024 19:57

Copying in the DSL will at least mean that more than one person in school is aware and they can hold each other accountable and chase each other that something has been done.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:57

@Smartiepants79
I don't know much about MASH but a quick Google suggests it's for safeguarding children? Would this apply as my daughter is technically an adult now?

OP posts:
pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:57

FofB · 12/09/2024 19:55

Ask them this direct question- 'what exactly are you going to be doing to keep my daughter safe?'

Done. It's in my email.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 12/09/2024 19:57

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:55

I think they might be interested in a school who was for many years rated "requires improvement" and only in recent years managed to increase to "good". Seems they might require improvement again doesn't it....

Investigating complaints against individual teachers isn’t their remit.

MyNameIsErinQuin · 12/09/2024 19:58

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 19:54

@MyNameIsErinQuin
They are very much involved- they were the person who originally called me to discuss the first instance of inappropriate behaviour by this teacher when it came to light. They assured me they had it in hand and that they were taking it seriously.

Hmmm. In a formal process it should be the head. I really would go to the head alone.

bugaboofan · 12/09/2024 19:59

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 18:29

Thanks. Sorry if this is a stupid question but do you mean the local authority safeguarding team?

The 'local authority designated officer' or LADO as they're known deals with exactly this sort of thing. If you google the phone number for your area you'll be able to report it to them and they will coordinate a response.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 20:01

@noblegiraffe
It's not about an individual teacher though is it. It's about an individual teacher and his inappropriate behaviour, alongside an inadequate response by the school's safeguarding lead / headteacher to address it.

OP posts:
noblegiraffe · 12/09/2024 20:09

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 20:01

@noblegiraffe
It's not about an individual teacher though is it. It's about an individual teacher and his inappropriate behaviour, alongside an inadequate response by the school's safeguarding lead / headteacher to address it.

You haven’t told them yet? Give them a chance!

The selfies thing sounds like it was investigated and you don’t know the outcome rather than it not being dealt with. If the police were involved it doesn’t sound like they tried to brush it off.

pervyteacher · 12/09/2024 20:13

@noblegiraffe

I'm talking about the original incident! Their response to that was inadequate. He was told in no uncertain terms to stay away from her and he has blatantly gone against that. So it wasn't an adequate safeguard was it.

OP posts:
RawBloomers · 12/09/2024 20:16

Does your DD know which other girls were targeted by him last year?

Since the school have been so ineffectual, it might make sense to talk with the parents of the other girls and see if you’ve been misled about the level of his behaviour prior as well as seeing if they’ve also had him being inappropriate since.

MrsHamlet · 12/09/2024 20:17

RawBloomers · 12/09/2024 20:16

Does your DD know which other girls were targeted by him last year?

Since the school have been so ineffectual, it might make sense to talk with the parents of the other girls and see if you’ve been misled about the level of his behaviour prior as well as seeing if they’ve also had him being inappropriate since.

This is a bad idea. The OP needs to notify the school and do nothing more at this stage.

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