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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Playdate parent has an issue with lower social class!

127 replies

Popcornlassie28 · 12/09/2024 14:04

My 7 year old has recently got quite friendly with another child in their class. The other child asked her Mum if they could have mine for a play date (at their house) and she didn’t seem overly thrilled but said yes and I’m yet to arrange this with the parent.

At a child’s birthday party (in their class) prior to them getting super close, I was chatting to the parents and this Mum was talking about her recent house move and saying it was because ‘She paid a lot of money for her previous home on a new estate and in the end was placed near social (council house) tenants’ and she went on to say how much she hates council house people and that she didn’t deserve to live near them so they moved.

I grew up from a council house background and found the comment quite off hand as I think it’s pretty small minded to judge someone on their possessions and financial status.

Anyways, I will have to stay with my child at the play date at their home and I know in turn I will be expected have them back at mine. My home isn’t fancy, it’s functional and cozy. I’m happy with it. I’m just worried she will judge us based on what we have. I would rather not have her in my home at all with her attitude, it’s not welcome. I don’t care if someone has a cardboard box, they are equal to me.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to arrange this play date? I just don’t want it to affect friendships but I really was not best pleased with her opinions and attitude.

Thanks!

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 12/09/2024 14:06

Anyways, I will have to stay with my child at the play date at their home

^

Why do you need to stay??

coxesorangepippin · 12/09/2024 14:07

My home isn’t fancy, it’s functional and cozy. I’m happy with it. I’m just worried she will judge us based on what we have. I would rather not have her in my home at all with her attitude, it’s not welcome

^

Yup, she will judge

Original poster
Popcornlassie28 · 12/09/2024 14:07

@coxesorangepippin The parent stated it. She stated when it would be arranged, I was to stay.

OP posts:
Chilliheatwave1 · 12/09/2024 14:08

She sounds very judgemental, unless they have been causing issues. I live in a council house on a new build estate. 6 of the houses are owned by the council. There is been no issues, all the families are lovely

Star81 · 12/09/2024 14:08

Surely, at age 7 you just take them to the door of house arrange a pick up time and leave them to it ?

xILikeJamx · 12/09/2024 14:08

She has previously offered an opinion on something, and you fundamentally think she is wrong and disagree (as I think any sensible person would).

Therefore I'd start by assuming all her opinions are shite, and any opinion she has on you isn't worthy of your brain space

Chilliheatwave1 · 12/09/2024 14:09

Has been no issues*

Janeir0 · 12/09/2024 14:11

I grew up in a council home and if I heard someone say this I'd understand. Where I grew up we had no issues, but these days there's so many issues there with council tenants. I would prefer not to buy a house mixed in with social/council housing, just because I'd feel uneasy about who they might put there. 9 times out of 10 probably no issue at all, but that chance of some of the things I've previously seen would worry me.

However, I'd never share this opinion in person with anyone other than my DH.

arethereanyleftatall · 12/09/2024 14:12

Houses inside, what a weird request that you have to stay at a 7 yo play date!! Really strange request. I wonder why.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 12/09/2024 14:13

YANBU, but then you don’t have to like her, just tolerate her for an hour or two for the sake of your child.
Just try to find neutral topics of conversation where she won’t have a chance to say awful things. With luck you can find something you do agree on to make the time pass faster.

Original poster
Popcornlassie28 · 12/09/2024 14:13

@Chilliheatwave1 Agreed. I have no idea but her opinion seemed pretty set on all social tenants, maybe a bad experience but who knows. It was a weird thing to be so open about. I’m glad where you live there isn’t friction.

OP posts:
Bricolagette · 12/09/2024 14:14

People talk a lot of shit about a lot of shit .. within earshot and in private. My own opinion, is that my kids friendships are their own friendships. I don’t need to be friends with parents, just polite and cordial.

Support your child in exploring this friendship. Try not give a shit what the mum said.

SauviGone · 12/09/2024 14:15

This reply has been deleted

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InTheRainOnATrain · 12/09/2024 14:15

You don’t stay with a 7YO, how strange! Definitely sack the whole thing off and invite another friend over who has normal parents happy to do a drop off.

BobbyBiscuits · 12/09/2024 14:17

If I were you I wouldn't stay. Just take it as an assumption of drop and dash. Just say, 'I'm going to be doing xyz so it's great if DC comes to yours then.' If the playdate is reciprocated then the mum will presumably take it the same so won't get enough time to scrutinise your home or perceived social class. As she won't be staying.

She sounds awful. Your daughters can be friends but you don't have to spend time with the mum or like her. Just be distant and polite.

Original poster
Popcornlassie28 · 12/09/2024 14:17

@SauviGone This made me laugh, thanks for that😅

Those words were actually said. In that order, arrangement and placement.

Sorry, maybe you can have some eggs back as I didn’t use half of what was actually said🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 12/09/2024 14:18

If your daughter likes the girl and you don't object to the friendship, invite her over and don't worry about the mother. Maybe she had awful neighbours and really needed to move, maybe she is just an asshole...if so that's on her, and if she judges your home that's on her too.

My house is not fancy (some of my son's friends' houses are) and I decided early on...fuck it - we invite and they can decide if they want to come back. They all want to come back and I've never had anyone turn their nose up.

namechangetheworld · 12/09/2024 14:20

I used to have a job which involved showing people around properties on a new build estate. 95% of people viewing would ask if there was any social housing in the vicinity. It's a pretty common concern when buying that type of property.

As long as you're not inviting her to live next door, I can't see why she would have an issue with your house.

Starlight7080 · 12/09/2024 14:21

I would take them to see a movie and ice cream or somthing along those lines. And not have her at your house .
I'm sure your house is lovely but if she is just going to make you feel stressed it's not worth the hassle .

NetflixAndKill · 12/09/2024 14:22

Her telling you, you need to stay at the play date is a ploy to show you her perfect house. It’s a stealth move. Urgh. She sounds vile tbh.

InterIgnis · 12/09/2024 14:22

Probably an opinion shaped by an unpleasant experience. I know someone that lived near a particular one in East Anglia (anyone familiar with Thetford will know which one I’m talking about) that was infamous amongst the locals.

It sounds like she’s only recently come through a particularly stressful period of time, so her emotions around the topic are heightened

Nw22 · 12/09/2024 14:22

I think if you have lived in a new build next to social housing it’s very understandable to think like this. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t had issues with social housing in new estates

Mrsttcno1 · 12/09/2024 14:23

namechangetheworld · 12/09/2024 14:20

I used to have a job which involved showing people around properties on a new build estate. 95% of people viewing would ask if there was any social housing in the vicinity. It's a pretty common concern when buying that type of property.

As long as you're not inviting her to live next door, I can't see why she would have an issue with your house.

I agree with this to be honest. Maybe she is just a horrible person, but I do think there’s a difference between someone who dislikes council houses in general and someone who doesn’t want to pay hundreds of thousands of £’s for a house that is next door to one.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 12/09/2024 14:26

Your child is 7 - why are you still hanging around on playdates?

Drop and go and that age.

She sounds hideous and I wouldn't want to hang around with her either.

ChipsCheeseAndGravey · 12/09/2024 14:27

Personally I would not want this woman in my home after those comments, I don’t think you’re unreasonable at all. I probably would have said something back to the comments at the birthday party though because I can’t keep my mouth shut with things like that.