Playdate parent has an issue with lower social class!

[Popcornlassie28]

My 7 year old has recently got quite friendly with another child in their class. The other child asked her Mum if they could have mine for a play date (at their house) and she didn’t seem overly thrilled but said yes and I’m yet to arrange this with the parent.

At a child’s birthday party (in their class) prior to them getting super close, I was chatting to the parents and this Mum was talking about her recent house move and saying it was because ‘She paid a lot of money for her previous home on a new estate and in the end was placed near social (council house) tenants’ and she went on to say how much she hates council house people and that she didn’t deserve to live near them so they moved.

I grew up from a council house background and found the comment quite off hand as I think it’s pretty small minded to judge someone on their possessions and financial status.

Anyways, I will have to stay with my child at the play date at their home and I know in turn I will be expected have them back at mine. My home isn’t fancy, it’s functional and cozy. I’m happy with it. I’m just worried she will judge us based on what we have. I would rather not have her in my home at all with her attitude, it’s not welcome. I don’t care if someone has a cardboard box, they are equal to me.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to arrange this play date? I just don’t want it to affect friendships but I really was not best pleased with her opinions and attitude.

Thanks!

I would reply with that they are seven years old and you are sure they can manage to amuse themselves or if it bothers her, they can come to you house and make it clare she need to not stay.

Or as another poster suggests, take them out some where.

Why so sneery?

People like this are usually insecure, she needs to look down at some people so she is assured to be better.

Anyway I'd go for your DDs sake. The weirdest part is her wanting you to stay, red flag number 2.

Why not

The blue light indicates that a joke was intended

I would have backhand*d that biatch all the way back to the council estate she moved from and told her there would be several more if she opened her mouth unkindly again.

Just stand up to her, OP - Tell her people like herself are not welcome in your home and you do not socialise with people like herself because you have a high standard of morals.

She will judge but be confident in your ideas and way of thinking you are happy and she is the judgy one if you come across confident in your actions and the way you hold yourself when she comes she won't judge you she might even envy your confidence it's all about how you present yourself when she is around I have this I have this much and am more than happy 😊 don't apologise for the state of the house or how small it might be or anything it's your happy mansion and you are proud of it .

When people have to flaunt their wealth and look down on others they have self esteem and validation issues.x

Not sure how claiming a high standard of morals cleanly follows on from the posturing about copping assault charges in the previous sentence.

She doesn’t have to be ‘kind’ in expressing an opinion clearly shaped by her negative experiences with social housing estates.

Same if you buy a house. You don't get to choose your neighbours. And we've had all the stories here on Mumsnet!

You’re probably one of the neighbours she’s terrified of moving next to.

I wouldn’t like to live anywhere near you myself.

I'm not disputing that. However, if I want to choose not to buy amongst council houses that's completely up to me.

Council housing is far from the council housing years ago. They are no longer tightly knit communities with decent, hard grafting, law biding folk having each others back. Most round my area are like war zones. Full of drug addicts, dealers and runners, people with more kids than they can count on one hand running feral, the streets are strewn with litter and fag ends, they are doss pits and most of those housed there haven’t got an social morals, jobless and are antisocial. There are fireworks going off every night in a certain area and the police leave them to it. If you paid highly for your property only to be stuck with this ilk as neighbours, then yes I’d be moving too. I wouldn’t want my kids exposed to it, roped into anything going on there and I certainly wouldn’t want to make acquaintances. I bought my house away from such areas, I’m not a snob, I work hard and want my kids brought up away from that, especially if I can afford to. I was brought up in what is now a rough neighbourhood, my parents wanted better and wanted out when things started to turn which they did. From working where I’d do I know who live in these houses and deal with their kids.

Some estates here are like that but there are other estates that are nothing like that. People have lived there for years, there are tight knit communities, and they are desirable places to move too.

You are not unreasonable. I once had a customer say to me she lived in my area.. we determined she lived ina recently built new house.. in a beautiful estate right next to me. She said ‘ it’s a lovely estate but really spoiled by that rough estate next to it, which end are you at? Are you near (local pub/restaurant).. or are you at the other end? Near that awful council estate?’

I said yes I’m IN that ‘awful council estate’.

I am private rent, and we are here as it’s cheap and saving to buy. I was so upset by her comment and to be honest I do avoid inviting people over to my house because I am embarrassed. But it’s comments like hers that make me feel that way. I haven’t been lucky enough in my life to have enough money to buy no matter how hard me and my husband try. We are both self employed with 2 kids, albeit happy kids.. they are healthy and happy and I feel lucky we have a home as many people don’t. But comments like hers, are the type of people I avoid so- yes- avoid her and also her child because no doubt she’s raising them with the same values that they are ‘better’ than people like you. Which incase you haven’t realised.. she isn’t. Far from it. X

My sister in law and her husband are very much like this. They actively only encourage their children’s friends with families who they think are well off and discourage friendships if the parents aren’t!!! You have to pass a credit check just to talk to them. It’s disgusting as unfortunately that’s what their kids are now picking up on!

Bad neighbours can be anywhere but some estates are rough. A lot of my family lived on an estate, it was rough as a badgers backside. One ended up with dealers next door, absolute scum, his entire stock got nicked out of his van and many other incidences. I remember little kids chucking stuff at my DD and I as we walked through it one time. One family moved and now live on a really nice estate. I did live on a different estate for a couple of years as a young adult. It wasn’t really bad like where my family lived but it was the worse place I have ever lived by far so overall it’s been negative for my family.

Well I’d personally not want to spend much time with her. Id simply tolerate her for the benefit of my child’s friendship.

If this play date is organised and you’re meant to be there too , I’d actually go along if you’re able and see what this mum is actually really like in her own home .
I used to ask mums along for a coffee / tea at mine if they were free because I didn’t know many people where I lived .
And if they weren’t free , I’d ask them in when they picked up .
I wouldn’t judge anyone else’s home .
Although I can never stay long in a smokers home because I have asthma and even the smell triggers me if they’ve been smoking inside their house

I have spent a lifetime working in ‘Social housing’ and people who live in it are easy to spot as they’re the drunks and drug users we trip over on the way to Waitrose. If they’re awake they can be found screaming at their
multiple children beget by their sexual incontinence..
For clarity this is sarcasm.. or is it irony?? People who live in Social Housing are indistinguishable from you and everyone else. The biggest difference is their inability or choice to not have a mortgage. The vast majority go out to work or have very good reason for not doing so.
The nastiest anti social behaviour I have come. across is from home owners and I don’t therefore assume they’re all twats. Please ditch the idea that Social Housing is for people you wouldn’t want to live next to, it’s utter tosh and deeply offensive.

When you stay for the play visit just ask her did she grow up on a council estate ? Maybe she scared of meeting an old neighbour?🥳😜

Hopefully she will live and learn.

Unless she’s well off enough to put her child in a private school she’s not going to be the most popular person if she doesn’t learn to change her preconceptions or at least keep her mouth shut.
i wouldn’t worry about what she thinks if your house in the slightest- it’s she that has a problem, not you!

Most people have reservations about living on a council estate. I grew up in one, have lived in one & now in housing association but I'm well aware of the problems and would be wary about buying a property on one and would look to move off one if I could afford it. That's not being a snob that's just wanting the nicest environment to raise your family in. Id be more concerned about families where the parents were complete slobs, never worked, couldn't care less about what mess & behaviour goes on around them.

Hmmm, I think you are being judgmental as well in a way. Maybe you can change her view on these issues by establishing a positive interaction with them.

What she stated is not unusual, if we look at house prices in London, same house surrounded by or too close to huge council estate is always cheaper.

A positive social experiences with people from different backgrounds could make contributions to both sides. Cheer up with some hope in human nature. Good luck!