Children wearing tails?

[ShepherdMoons]

Dd's friend at drama club has recently started wearing a tail.She sometimes wears ears.It looks quite cute but I also find it a bit odd (they are 11).Dd hasn't asked to wear a tail (yet) but wondering if this might be her next question.I appreciate there's a bit of a trend for this at the moment and seems relatively harmless but I do find it odd.AIBU?

What on earth are we doing to our kids?? Some of the comments on here and the justifications for letting children just do what they want are really quite shocking.😮

Oh yeah, to be clear I would never allow a child of mine to go near furry online spaces. But the example here is of kids dressing up and playing IRL.

I work for the NHS. I also volunteer. I’m with people from all walks of life a lot of the time. I still don’t recognise your description of the world. Sounds like this isn’t something you are witnessing yourself directly?

I agree.

My son insisted on wearing football gear everywhere for a while at primary school. He didn’t play football. Didn’t support a team. Was not a footballer. He’d wear it to go out to lunch, to a birthday party. If it was inappropriate (eg wedding or more formal lunch) I’d be directive, but why stop him wearing what he wants.

Kids dress up and experiment. They also sometimes like, say and do things innocently that have adult themes but are not aware. Girls used to love the play boy bunny logo stuff (eurgh!) but they didn’t understand the context. Girls are painting on eye brows and puffing up their lips (in my head, never out loud I call it the ‘sex doll look). I too was a goth for a while I also went through a skin tight jeans and stilettos look at 13 (eurgh!).

It’s always happened.

I think as adults we need to give them enough space and freedom to experiment and express themselves, discover their identity, whilst guiding them about social norms (no a football kit is not appropriate for a wedding, and no cat ears and tail are not appropriate for school) and safeguard them against predators and grooming.

For a small few there will be serious body dysmorphia or dissociation from trauma, or online grooming, so we should always ask ‘why?’ the obsession with ears and tail in a neutral and curious way so we can assess -but for most it will just be a healthy part of development I reckon.

Don't ban kids from imaginative play.

It's not really that imaginative tho is it? I mean how many interpretations of hamster, bat or cat can you impersonate? It's more of a fixations or a subconscious fetish. Fetish, not in a sexual sense for children (although who knows for teens), but can be compulsive, obsessive and neurotic for those kids whose life start centring around it. Of course, it's also a bit of a tiktok fad, the Chinese must be rolling on the floor laughing at the silly Westeners. I'd also love to know the proportion of white working and middle class girls /boys cosplaying in this way compared with upper class, or BAME, kids, boys etc. Mostly, it seems a fad for white working or middle class girls, no?

It can be, but mostly it’s not.

Yes. Get kids away from tiktok it is rotting their brains and yes China and Russia are laughing their heads off as the west is being destabilised by this nonsense and the fools that are going along with it

Can’t argue with that.

I'd also be interested to know how much time doing extra curricular activities these kids do compared to kids who have no interest such dressing up. When kids are busy doing several hours of sports, drama, learning an instrument as well as being active members of guides and scouts, or even just spending their afternoons at after school club, they are less likely to focus on cat ears

It is easier said than done telling teens they cannot wear something- it’s such a criticism at a sensitive time of life. That said sometimes it has to be done and year 8 wearing a cat outfit is that time.

We have had to do it with dd2 but for inappropriate party outfit she put it in her bag and wore it anyway! She was busted by the ring doorbell.

Yes, DD does know about internet safety, her primary school were really hot on it and she’s aware that not everyone is who they say they are.

as far as the “online community” I mentioned, that’s purely a Gorilla Tag friend group, and she only interacts with them where we can see/hear her, so there’s nothing untoward there, I think the oldest kid is 16

I’d just like to clarify that she doesn’t dress up as a cat, or meow at people, or walk on all fours. She wears a fox tail, ears and sometimes paws

We’ve had a good chat about it all this weekend and we’re both on the same page in terms of her Furry/Therian interests and I’m happy that she’s safe, having fun and just being a kid

I also think some of you have underestimated the effects that missing a year of school during covid has had on these kids, she may be 12, but she’s not a “normal” (for want of a better word) 12 year old. And that’s ok, she has parents that adore her, good friends and she’s doing well at school

It's disgusting weirdo porn. Its like letting children dress in maid outfits with stockings and suspenders and anyone ok with it is either ignorant or dodgy af.

I can't say I'm surprised by this post. I knew if it came that it would read like this.

What can I say, if someone wants to bury their head in the sand, then they will.

Who made you morality judge for the planet?
You're the weirdo to even caste that aspersion on every single child that likes to role play being a cute animal.
Fingers crossed you don't have any kids in your life

Agreed. The 16 year old in the online group is almost an adult and still dressing up like an animal. Clearly not a phase they have grown out of. It’s so different from a 5 year old pretending to be an animal.

Exactly. To be comfortable with a "young" 12 year old girl exchanging online chat in a furry online group with a 16 year old..that's just painfully naive parenting.

And the thing is, this child may well be interacting innocently now. The parents may be watching her phone now. Is that going to continue all the way up to age 16? I doubt it. So even if nothing untoward is being spoken about now, the risk rises the longer she's in the community.

I've literally seen it happen. There are stories about this kind of thing everywhere. But because FooFighter99 thinks it's cute and innocent then somehow this is different.

Children should not be in this kind of space. Furry/Therian talk is an adult kink.

We are all the morality judges of the planet as far as our kids are concerned that is literally our jobs as parents.

Parents not being judgy enough is why we have got here..

I think someone above who is in that space said that for most/many it’s not a sexual thing. Just for some? I guess some people like wearing leather trousers, leather trousers can be linked to certain sexual preferences too. But mostly they are just a style preference. I know ears and tails aren’t clothes, but the point I’m making is that just because XYZ is linked to, or has been used for porn/certain sexual preferences, doesn’t mean it is then only linked to that.

You don’t have to be ‘judgy’ to put a boundary in. For example, child comes down with a tail for school;

‘Don’t be ridiculous’ ‘you look ridiculous take it off’ is judgy, unkind and shaming.

Asking why they are wearing it and having a conversation about appropriate social norms or simply saying ‘Tails aren’t part of the uniform, can you take it off please?’ Is a boundary without judgement.

So true. I remember the days of leaving the house with my skirt at normal legnth and then rolling it up and tying the shirt at the front once round the corner 🤦‍♀️ I turned out alright - quite boring really.

Different language and parenting styles. Up to parents which they use. What matters is that parents feel confident enough to put in place boundaries. To be the adult and protect their children from situations where they may be putting themselves in harm's way.
Being kind & accepting all kind of nonsense as truth and socially acceptable has contributed to society being in this mess. Where predators openly seek out children online and where adult authority has been eroded to the extent that parents feel intimidated out of being the responsible adult and saying no.

Primary children can play as foxes, helicopters, dancers, astronauts and the rest - it's age appropriate. Teenagers need to learn that role playing as furries is not acceptable for school and many social situations. It is ridiculous and trying to shame parents out of saying that, does parents no favours.

Furries and Therians are an adult thing. It's definitely a fetish, though some people try and say it isnt sexual. There are also people who say Daddy/Little Girl play ( 🤢 ) in adults isn't a sexual fetish. It's mind boggling that children are hearing about this to begin with. Really not comparable to tight trousers or any kind of fashion movement.

I've said before on the thread - there's a double whammy of reasons why this is wrong. It shows a regression for 12 year old children, almost teenagers, to be acting like animals.This isn't normal by any means. Even if Covid did do a number on children of that age, the parents in question should be helping them acclimatise to almost adolescence. Not allowing this.

On the other hand, it's a fetish. Children being in that space isn't right. They might not be aware now but others in that community are. It is an adult thing.

I was a teenage goth, but if I'd have brought home bondage gear at age 12 there is no way I'd have been allowed to wear it. There is a line and parents need to be parenting.

Where did I shame anyone?

Actually, to continue my point a moment. There are lots of aspects of lots of kinks that people say aren't sexual. Even in the BDSM community there are people who live with the dominant/submissive "rules" all day long. They call it their lifestyle. But at the end of the day, it's still sexual. It still boils down to what happens in the bedroom, and things overlap. There is nuance. It's still a fetish though.

I think Furries/Therians are getting overlooked by people who might not know enough about it because it isn't as commonly spoken about as BDSM, for example. We all know what those slave collars represent, and if we saw someone wearing one of those with other obvious bondage gear in public, we'd recognise it. Many would also feel uncomfortable that we were bearing witness to someone else's sexual kink. If a 12 year old ordered a slave collar on eBay and was in a BDSM chat room with other kids and some random 16 year old, we'd hit the roof.

But somehow Furries/Therians are seen as different. Possibly because animals are cute. It's really poor parenting to just say "DD gets that online predators exist, she's just a kid and doesn't get it, LALALA FINGERS IN MY EARS!". There's just really no excuse.