Children wearing tails?

[ShepherdMoons]

Dd's friend at drama club has recently started wearing a tail.She sometimes wears ears.It looks quite cute but I also find it a bit odd (they are 11).Dd hasn't asked to wear a tail (yet) but wondering if this might be her next question.I appreciate there's a bit of a trend for this at the moment and seems relatively harmless but I do find it odd.AIBU?

Yep. If it were me, I'd be taking their phone, TV and play station off them. Animals dont use them. I bet they wouldnt even last 24 hours.

I agree. My friends daughter goes to school with someone who identifies as cat, wears ears and a tail but apparently isn’t made to use a litter tray. Surely they’re either a cat or not?

I agree too! Cats don’t use phones so no phone for you. They’d soon decide they were human

No, because she's 12 and isn't exposed to adults with sexual fetishes! FFS she has a tail, paws and ears - she's not meeting up with grown men in the park to shag them

Honestly, some of you need to get a grip and let kids just be kids!

She’s 12 so quite old to be dressing up as a cat for play.

you’ve said she’s in online furry communities. This doesn’t concern you at all?

No harm to it? It's an adult fetish - sexual in origin.

Who TF said she was aware of/role playing an adult sexual fetish? Seriously, she's a young 12 year old girl who enjoys wearing a tail, ears and sometimes paws (and no, she doesn't walk on all fours at school meowing at her classmates FFS) - to her, THERE IS NOTHING SEXUAL ABOUT IT, it's all cutesy and light-hearted and innocent

And no, I'm not stupid, I KNOW there are people out there who do see it as a sexual fetish etc, but I can assure my, my DD is not exposed to that side of things - take for example the Furry-Con, it's aimed at adults, you have to be over 18 to attend which is fair enough ergo she won't be attending!

Please can you all stop assuming that every child who is interested in being a Furry/Therian is somehow a deviant sexual predator in the making and/or being groomed by one - that's simply not the case, neither are they all mentally ill!!

But you’re letting her join online furry communities. Does it not worry you that many of the people on these forums do have a furry fetish, are probably adults and could well be sexual predators?

Of course I worry about it in a general sense, but DH and I keep a close eye on her tablet and phone, we have strict parental controls in place and we are a very open and loving family who talk to each other, about everything. I check her phone regularly and I have no concerns about what she is seeing online

The only "Furry" community she has anything to do with (other than the few kids at school), is a bunch of kids who all play Gorilla Tag together, which she plays (loudly and oh so annoyingly) in our kitchen, in full view and hearing of DH, me and her big sister (she's a fucking weapon with those controllers, you have to be careful to duck when you walk past her!)

And honestly, I'd rather she not wear any of it, as it just draws the wrong attention from the shithead bullies at school - but the more you tell her not to do something, the more she will want to do it. I can't begin to convey just how stubborn she is. She is very much her own person and will not conform to how people think she should act/behave/dress/whatever

BUT she's also so lovely, and sweet and kind - her teachers all adore her, she's the kid who'll stay behind to help tidy up.

She's a good friend (she was worried about her bestie on Wednesday, as bestie's mum hadn't provided any lunch, so DD shared her lunch and asked if bestie could have something from ours the next day, just to make sure she didn't go hungry)

You may think me naïve, but I know DD, and I'm not worried about her

^^ This

was quite the thing at ds school about two years ago, its dressing up thats all

Children playing at dressing up is one thing. Tweens and teenagers "identifying" as a "thereotype" is quite another and, I would suggest, quite damaging.

The below is a direct quote from a poster on another thread. Read it and then decide if you need to be keeping a closer eye on your children's furry fun...

"therianthropy is not a phase and can not be 'grown out of'. We don't choose it and we can't get rid of it, even if you wanted to. Being a therian isn't about acting like an animal as play, though most do quadrobics as a fun activity that makes them feel more animal-like.

Therianthropy is when you identify as one, as many therians experience memories from their past lives as animals. On every level except physical, therians identify as their thereotypes and can relate to the animalistic behaviour of them. We do quadrobics on all fours to feel morre connected to our thereotypes, with mine being Northern Rocky Mountain Wolf, Scottish Fold, Cross Fox and Dragon. (Yes, you can have multiple thereotypes.)

Being a therian isn't created by the internet, you are born with therianthropy, but seeing videos on platforms such as YouTube and TikTok might encourage you you're not alone in how you're feeling, that there are others just like you, and you don't feel so scared anymore.

Therianthropy is also NOT from any TV shows, it is REAL LIFE, not just made up. It is us. We are it. Just like you could be autistic (which I am) or dyslexic, you are born with it and it's not inspired by anything other than our inner souls.

But one thing I ask you, if your child comes out to you saying they're a therian or anything that is considered 'weird' by some of the community-whether they're a furry or quadrobist or in the LGBTQ+ community (which I myself am), please support them. It means so much to them if you support them, that they don't have to hide anything from you, that they feel safe, that they can be themselves and be free around you instead of trapped by those unspoken rules that make up 'the norm', and even if you try to beat it out of them, it's not going to work."

As I've explained already - in the case of an 11 year old kid wearing a pair of cat ears to drama club I think that is likely to be completely innocuous and innocent.

As a parent, you can have an awareness of Furries/ potential safeguarding issues around that, but you don't have to leap to conclusions and worry because a child is choosing to wear cat ears.

There is no need to be so dramatic and overboard about it. You just keep a watchful eye.

If they were starting to get involved in online Therian/ Furry communities with teens and adults, then of course that could be concerning, and might need monitoring - but a kid simply wearing cat ears/ tail to a drama club is neither here nor there.

If they haven’t been groomed by sexual predators then how on earth did a child become aware of an adult kink in the first place? You’re being deliberately blind to how these things came to be in children’s spheres of consciousness in the first place. Children have pretended to be animals for years. Children identifying as furries or therian is a fairly recent development. Have you ever stopped, at any point, to critically evaluate why?

I remember when I was a tween being obsessed with having a tail and made a couple! This was long before the internet or any concept of 'furries'.

It was a phase which I rapidly grew out of. This will apply to the vast majority of kids, the idea of a 12yr old being drawn into the weird sex stuff is so low as to be negligible.

Because it isn't JUST an adult kink

Not all Furries/Therians are sexual predators

There is content out there that is harmless and innocent

And it's sad that so many of you refuse to accept that

Nobody is saying they’re all sexual predators. What we’re saying is that it is not harmless to allow children to be aware of, or role play, as things that are widely known to be adult fetishes and kink.
not every adult who has a kink or fetish is a predator. But furries/pups and the like are a very specific fetish and you’re blindly allowing your child to be a part of that, even though they have no comprehension of what they’re actually doing.

Completely agree with those saying people need to start actually parenting and being more directive with their children. Children don’t get to just do what they want. They’re children, they don’t know any better, which is why they have parents. Saying no and redirecting/correcting is a crucial aspect of parenting.

But I think the bigger question is why our children seem to increasingly feel the need to dissociate from reality.

I would argue at 12 it isn't really typical and you might want to explore what's happening there as I would wonder why they don't feel good enough as a human girl or boy which is what they are, why can't they be who they really are and that be enough.

Let me tell you the story of how children can accidentally step into adult spheres of kinks. It's a slow process.

As I mentioned earlier in the thread, I liked vampires as a kid. I was not encouraged to dress as one, instead I was encouraged to get into some classic lit and some music, old films, folklore.

Another friend of mine didn't have parents who did that. She, without her parents knowing, went online and joined chatrooms and communities. Her parents also thought their darling little girl didn't have access to this kind of thing, but it was pretty easy as in each generation kids always find ways to outwit parents with tech. Unless the parents are down on it like a tonne of bricks.

Anyway, she joined these communities filled with other vampire obsessives. Some her age and some far older. She lived for this stuff, and her parents just thought it was good she had an outlet. It was all she would talk about. She did have vampire fangs and little homemade amulets of fake blood. All bloody stupid tbh, and we all thought she was being daft, but whatever.

It went on for years. When she was 16 she went to meet a friend of a friend (an older boy) in town. Turns out he wasn't 18 like he'd said, but 24. He actually bit her. She had to go to A&E if I remember correctly and it turned out this chap had been going around the online community preying on young girls taking their virginity, acting like a "Sire" vampire. Three of her online "friends" were also targets. They were all 16 or over so I don't think it went to court, but tbh I can't remember much now. She ended up traumatised. The parents couldn't fathom how they'd missed it, despite their child having had behaved so weirdly for years.

Vampires and animals are both fun things to be into. They're also things that are heavily fetishised. Being willfully blind to your child being into something that comes with a whole world of crazy, and not enforcing regulations is just wrong. Liking vampires is cool. Wanting to be a vampire and acting like one is not. Liking animals is cool. Acting like one is not.

You're being willfully ignorant. The fact she even knows what a Therrian is? Come on.

You want to see what the online spaces are like for your kids, you set up a fake account for yourself as a minor and see who gets in contact.

Innocence is not a shield against predation, it’s a lure.

THIS. A million times, this.

These parents who say "Oh I know what my kids are doing, I have X controls and I look through her phone" are still missing tricks. And if their child is into this kind of thing, they're doing them a disservice by not doing what you suggested here.

It's easy to delete messages, set up secret profiles, use incognito mode, and just a dozen other things. Kids at this age are naturally sneaky anyway because they're developing a sense of independence. It's normal. But if they've got something to hide that they know they'd get in trouble for and have their hobby taken from them? They double down. It's the parents jobs to be fully throwing themselves out there to protect them. Not just "Oh I know what DD does online". Yeah right.

What a fucking world we have created that is so fucking toxic, kids can't handle childhood and adolescence without having to escape SO hard they're dressing up as cats and wolves, distancing themselves from their gender/sex/bodies/species.....

This is escapism, taken to the very extremes, in order to avoid the real world.

Instead of helping people navigate the real world or indeed, fixing the actual problems... we're saying 'yes Susan, sure, you're a cat... off you pop'.

This is how our species dies out isn't it. We've created an environment for ourselves that is so toxic we can't stand to be in it any more.

When I was young we all wanted to appear to others to be growing up and taking responsibility for ourselves. It was a shameful thing to be seen to be acting like a toddler or engaging in fantasy (other than in a board game) once you got to double digits. You'd have had the piss ripped out of you if you went into class wearing a tail and pretending to be a cat. As a consequence, young people often got weekend jobs, paper deliveries or helped in the family business on weekends. By the time they were 18 they'd be ready for a job or university. As a parent, your role would be to raise capable and responsible adults. We still had fun growing up, did daft shit, but went through the different stages at the appropriate age and school was for learning and as a preparation for the adult world.

Now, nobody's expected to grow up, middle aged people are having tantrums in supermarkets, absolutely everything has to be 'fun' and adults are dressing in toddler type outfits and trying to hook up with children online 🤦🏻‍♀️

@dustoffthebooks ,

Will the real adults please stand up (and take off your flip-flops and footie shirts)

https://www.thetimes.com/article/154ea82c-255f-4719-9115-e9fc70846976?shareToken=ba478e89a08d8f1786011e5df1dd2edf

As you were saying….

So what should we do, ban her from wearing her tail, ears and paws (she doesn't wear them all the time), ban her from speaking to her friends at school who are also "Therians", ban her from using her oculus, ban her from YouTube?

And what should I tell her is the reason for all this? That she's getting into something that's classed as an adult kink, so she must stop liking it immediately?

I know if I try to turn her away from it all she'll double down and do it all the more, only in secret which surely would be worse

I'm genuinely asking how you all would handle this situation if it was our 12 year old

Don't just tell me to "parent her better"