to think that there is a larger than average number of perfect mothers with perfect children around on MN these days?

[emkana]

With children who will just admire the view in the car, and who will appreciate the delights of historic sites without the added attraction of a playground, and who can be taken along to dinner where they will join in with adult conversation...

I need to develop this more fully and submit to MN towers, its a ready reckoner for you to work out which threads you should or should not involve yourself in, and to find like minded people.

My score means I am very much less than perfect - 12 points!!!!

How about

30 or more - You are a Bree, the envy of all lesser women, ideally suited initially to the Good Housekeeping thread. Once your children really start to hate you, the teenagers and depression threads will be right up your street.

20 - 29 - You are a mother of a PFB. All the new baby threads are for you. Don't worry, your score will drastically decrease once PFB acquires a few siblings.

10 - 19 - You are normal, AIBU is for you as you are sane enough to withstand the debate without losing your temper.

-3 - 9 - Declaring this score will alert all Brees and mothers of PFB's to hack into your e-mail account and despatch Social Services to your home, immediately. You will need the legal/money matters thread for advice on how to obtain a good lawyer.

I love it! Here are some additional questions:

Where do the majority of your child's clothes from?

A) Boden/ Jojomama bebe/ emile et Rose etc

B) M&S, Next, Gap

c) Supermarket/Ebay/handmedowns

How many units of alcohol do you drink a week?

Deduct 5 points from your score for each unit over 14 per week.

What car do you drive?

4 X 4 minus 20 points (consideration will be given to special pleading of the but I live on a farm/I have 12 children variety)

Ford Mondeo 0 points

Prius 50 points

Score 10 points per activity for each of the following done by your child if over age 10, 20 points per activity if under 10:

Makaton
Fuzzy phonics
musical instrument tuition
ballet/tap/modern dance

Where do the majority of your child's clothes from?

A) Boden/ Jojomama bebe/ emile et Rose etc

B) M&S, Next, Gap

c) Supermarket/Ebay/handmedowns

none of the above, my answer is

d)the pile of clothes that you have washed, folded and decided not to iron that still haven't been put away by your DC's which will mysteriously return to the dirty washing pile despite never being visibly worn.

How many units of alcohol do you drink a week?

none because I'm neurotic and maudlin enough on a day-to-day basis without inviting alcohol into the mix

Deduct 5 points from your score for each unit over 14 per week.

What car do you drive?

4 X 4 minus 20 points (consideration will be given to special pleading of the but I live on a farm/I have 12 children variety)

Ford Mondeo 0 points

Prius 50 points

Ford Focus which, on inspection, seems to be growing a new form of bacteria around the seats where the kids sit which I have never, ever cleaned and will pretend not to notice, ever.

Score 10 points per activity for each of the following done by your child if over age 10, 20 points per activity if under 10:

Makaton
Fuzzy phonics
musical instrument tuition
ballet/tap/modern dance

I have no idea what Makaton and Fuzzy phonics are, do I lose points for general knowledge? I will fess up to 2 lots of instrument tuition and dance lessons for DD. In mitigation though, twas the school that did it. Honest.

How did I do? (Looks nervously around for sirens and social workers..)

Sorry, you are being revealed to be a secret Bree masquerading as a norm and are to be expelled from the thread. Get thee to housekeeping and flyladying or whatever that lunacy is called.

LOL I really don't know how you could have read my whingeing about playgrounds as "I'm a perfect Mummy with perfect children" thread Emkana.

I think you're reading something into it which just isn't there.

But of course, I would have put it there if I'd remembered.

Oh god, MN makes me feel really bad, quite a lot of the time. About my parenting, about my relationship, about my partner's parenting, about my kids' absolute and shame-inducing adoration of the Children's Menu...

emkana - when I am down I think everyone on here is doing great and has fab children.

When I am 'up' I think everyone on here does not quite match up to me and mine.

The threads are the same - it just depends what I choose to focus on

Oh Makaton for disabled children is different, Riven. That is necessary, not poncy.

Make a chocolate declaration instead of an alcohol one then.

Where does monsoon kids clothes come on the list?

Life's to short to be perfect. I'd rather live it and have fun.

oh, with the boden ones - equally ludicrously expensive imho

Ohh. Dior Kids! Why?? More money then sense. I wouldn't. What a waste.

I don't think there are many perfect parents around, but I think there are plenty of parents with high expectations and values.

Why does everything have to be dumbed down all the time?

What is wrong with having high values for children's behaviour in public, to expect teenagers to be virgins, to do their homework in full, to enjoy collecting tadpoles, etc?

I don;t think anyone here would disagree with having high values. I think we are talking about (well I am) people (women msotly) who value appearances, expensive clothes, other people's perceptions and an appearance of perfection in everything above their children's and their own actual happiness - to wit the rice cakes when the adults are having cookies, and dragging children who are too young around a stately home because its "cultural" rather than doing something fun (like collecting tadpoles).

My boys are healthy and happy. Thats about as perfect as I need to get.

Yes I care that DS2 won't go within a million miles of a vegetable, but I'm not gonna stress about it. I care that DS3 is Mr Distructive atm, but he'll grow out of one day....hopefully

Actually DS1 is pretty perfect for a teenager and I shall go and polish my halo when I have finished MNing while my children eat dinner

I love MN, it does show you that there isn't really one parent here who is absolutely perfect (well there might be but I ignore those threads)

Oh bugger, I forgot to go back to my original name again!!!

I am just happy with healthy happy Dcs and trying my best. Sometimes I get it right , sometimes I get it wrong, sometimes I have no idea of what I'm doing and fumble about in the darkest of parenting corners. But at least I try. Which I think can be said for everyone on MN.

Message withdrawn

My MIL once took ds to a coal mining museum. It's not just parents that do this, it's grandparents aswell. It really was rubbish.

They're to go with the perfect mothers! Can happily to confess to screaming like a banshee.......... children using horrid words (for which they are punished) and occasionally not have the sense to not argue in front of them. I am a SAHM so also teaching them to freeload off of their partner!!

Shit I have missed the questions, I will go back through thread and return.....

Makaton
Fuzzy phonics

What the hell are they?

I sit and laugh hysterically thinking how soon these perfect mothers with studious well behaved organic carrot eating children who have time to worry about bloody fruit shoots will soget a wake up call once teenage years hit,and they might have something important t o worry about.
Like drugs,alcohol,sex, truanting,boy racers,exams.....