to think that there is a larger than average number of perfect mothers with perfect children around on MN these days?

[emkana]

With children who will just admire the view in the car, and who will appreciate the delights of historic sites without the added attraction of a playground, and who can be taken along to dinner where they will join in with adult conversation...

My children don't like McDonalds, but I love it

3andnomore, I reckon we all know the answer to your question. NO there is no such thing as a perfect parent, we all get by and hope for the best. No matter what your income, education, status, kind heart etc etc.

Sometimes the most unlikely of parents produce a perfect child and the most likely of parent produce an imperfect child. Its the luck of the farking draw. The main thing is that we all love our kids and that's why we come on mumsnet.

But do you think we are more judgey now? Or competitive?

I think I can be and actively try to stop myself. It's none of my damn business what other parents do and I have to remind myself of that, but I think parenting programmes and certain newspapers invite us to judge, criticise, compete.

i love chips n curry sauce.wee one never had 'em but mummy treat

I honestly said to DH tonight when I couldn't be bothered to try and think of something for their tea that wasn't the same as they had yesterday and that they wouldn't refuse to eat, "It's time like this when I wish we could just go to McDonalds...."

They love Sainsbury's cafe though if that's any help

3andnomore:
lol...you know, I always think that people are just pretending in order to talk themselfs "up"....
Expat:
most perfect threads make me laugh because i know for the most part they are at least 80% bullshit.

Ladies, you don't really think that, do you ?
I mean when someone says they love their husband, and life is good. DO you automatically think it is bullshit ?

I don;t have time/energy to judge anyone else

It is an interesting proposition - what is perfect? What does it actually mean? What is enid doing when she tries to be perfect - and is it the same as you think is perfect, or what I mean?

Ditto for what is a perfect child?

I wonder sometimes if we all lose sight of the long term objective of being a parent. If we are the very lucky ones - it is to lead our children to a place where they can be independent, happy, healthy, fulfilled adults.

Perhaps perfection isn't the the holy grail - some might say that it is an egoist pursuit for the benefit of the parent more often than the child - the search for the external validation of our parenting. Isn't the real proof of the pudding, whether we raise the adults referred to above rather than whether we've let them sit in front of Cbeebies now and again?

I suppose from a management speak pov - perfect parenting attempts to measure the inputs - rather than the outputs. A rather outmoded way of measuring success, some would say

i don't actually have the inclination nor time to worry about what the fembots are doin

The worst thing about trying to be a perfect mother is that it is all about the mother rather than then children.

The need to appear the perfect mother could stifle all creativity, spirit and independent thought from children, who are by definition imperfect adults-in-the-making.

I believe that children just need a little benevolent guidance and nudge in the right direction, even if it means many many nudges over the years. But who they will be and what they become is largely predestined by their personalities and innate qualities. Parents just have to provide a benign environment and opportunities for their children to reach their full potential. Most of it is up to them.

Trying to achieve perfection in parenting does not achieve very much and can in fact be rather damaging.

"Fembots", that's great!

I think some parents just have more confidence. I certainly feel confident about my parenting skills and feel I am a good mum. not perfect maybe, but then I don't aim to be perfect.i think a perfect mum would be an imperfect one iykwim.

I think you're right Fairymum. I just seem to muddle along not really knowing what I'm doing and hoping for the best.
Some days I feel like I'm doing great, others not so much.

I look at my children and think that they are pretty perfect, but not because of my great parenting, but in spite of my many failings as a mother!

I think mn is a parallel universe sometimes. As an ex-recption teacher I am always astounded at the number of children who are reading proficiently when they start school. I came across so few in my 10 yr of teaching. I wish my classes were made up of mn kids. And I did teach in a v well-to-do state school for a while.

I do laugh to myself at the things that annoy people on here. In an average day I know I can feel like such a rebel by trivial acts, (giving my child food whilst in a pushchair, spooning foam off a cappuccino, not giving my child the long version of a name and eating peas with tomatoes to name a few).

But what sort of failings emkana? I never think of my parenting as failures. I make mistakes sometimes, I apologise.....this is life. Its good for my children to see me being happy, sad, angry, apologising for things, arguing with dh and making up etc etc It teaches them about life.

I don't think anyone comes across as a perfect parent on here.

Occasionally, posters who I thought were all sussed and sorted, suddenly make an emotional 'fuck me, I can't cope,' post .. and things take on their true perspective. No one is a perfect parent because there is no true definition of perfect in any walk of life.

We have been beguiled by many decades of Kellogs adverts, I fear.

sheesh you mean some folk don't share the cappuccino froth share the love

em, I think I love you.

I don't, day-to-day, want/need to be perfect. I'm very very good at some bits of parenting, rather rubbish at others. Things that I've done or not done which might have me in the category of 'perfect' (or 'aspiring perfect', I suppose) tend to have been due to circumstances, or more-by-accident-than-design. But goodness, the allure of being perfect is strong. I have a vivid memory of being out with ds1 and dh, trying to get ds1 to stop fiddling with the [for me!] boring-as-hell buggy and look at the ducks/plants/flowers (which he was doing plenty), and saying to a slightly irritated dh, 'He should be interacting with his surroundings' . To my credit, I immediately felt my own teeth itch. On a more serious note, what I do with/for dses is accompanied, tbh, by a quiet bassline of anxiety - never mind perfect, am I good enough? Will I have been good enough? I recently found myself in the absurd situation of presenting the perfect-parent thing to my parents - those of you who know the story will probably guess why I felt impelled to assert my children's prowess as compared to their other grandchildren. How we view and present how we parent (especially as mothers, and never mind right now how fair/sexist that is) is always going to be bound up with how we view and present ourselves.

FWIW, I agreed with the OP (LittleBella?) on that 'playgrounds' thread.

fairymum, I mainly dislike about my "mother-self" my impatience and my temper and am always amazed when I look at my children that it doesn't seem to have had any negative impact whatsoever.

Am sure I remember someone saying they had never shouted at their children ever.

I rarely meet these people in rl. The best one I did meet was someone who told me she had never given her 2 yr old a biscuit. I was sort of impressed but she was very smug. Then I see the same kid tucking into a big bag of crisps! (they were organix ones but still its not exactly a core food group).

I see things in ds1 (ds2 is too young as yet) that are because of me, and others that are in spite of me. The things that, happily, most fascinate and beguile me are the things that are just-him.

tis essentially nature and nurture.some things we add some things existing predisposition. complex because it is bitty o both

This would be an appropriate thread to ask again (I have asked before but no one will tell me!) What is wrong with fruitshoot in particular as oppose to any of the other child orietated drinks on the market?

Personally I aspire to be a good mum not a perfect one. Part of being a good mum is not being overly neurotic or dictatorial about what they do or eat or whatever imo. FGS the odd mcdonalds or packet of sweets or, dare I say it, fruitshoot, etc isn't going to kill them But me having a coronary because dd hasn't done her reading pratice isn't going to do anyone any good.

fruitshooot used to (may still do- not sure) contain aspartame. Dodgy sweetner. DS2 has them sometimes but I tend to keep them out the house as ds1 and ds3 wpould steal them given half the chance and they have dodgy guts so its not good for them.