For not wanting to attend a friend's destination wedding?

[emilydispleased]

My close friend is having a destination wedding, and while I'm happy for them, I really don't want to attend due to cost and time commitment. AIBU for not wanting to go?

We got married abroad because we actually wanted to keep it super small so it was a good way to give people an invite but say honestly it’s very informal and if you can’t make it that’s fine

IMO, it still puts pressure on people to have to spend their holiday time and money to attend, even if you've said it's fine if they can't make it.

If my best friend or sister decided to marry abroad, then I would feel immense guilt if I didn't go. Despite them being reassuring that it was ok (actually I might be a bit hurt if they didn't seem too bothered if I was there 😅)
I would probably end up going, and then being a bit resentful that I had needed to spend all that money and time to do so.

If a couple want a destination wedding, then they should either stick to it being just themselves, or they should pay for their nearest and dearest to be there.

My friend had a destination wedding in Australia only her immediate family went. But there was a big party at a local farm when they got back which 200 of us attended. It was lovely.

@emilydispleased The point is that actually it is actually "wedding Olympics". Wedding invites can be handed out for many reasons from genuine friendships to obligations or reciprocal invites to just being polite.

If the person was a sibling ( as the PP you were rude to was) the situation is worse because the expectation is that you attend.

Work out where your invite is on the scale of you adding to the couples day and then decide what to do. My feeling is unless you are close family or you socialise frequently they can probably do without you.

No you're not, not at all! I read it as a 'commiserations, I know what you mean' type of post.
When I'm in a bind, I get a bit of comfort from knowing that others face similar issues. It's helpful 🙂

😂😂😂

OP has pissed everyone off on page one and then flounced off!

Meh.
I've never been to a U.K. wedding where the couple paid for my transport and hotel.
I've been to more than a few that are all weekenders because people come from all over the U.K. these days.
Increasingly people say " your presence is our present" but giving the couple money or gifts isn't weird. A wedding list is traditional especially for young couples. Being grabby is something else entirely.

Surely if you are choosing to get married somewhere that will cost people money to attend, you expect most to not attend unless your circle is very rich.

Everywhere costs money to attend unless everyone in social circle lives in the same town.

Jesus Christ. You’ve derailed your own thread by misreading one poster’s comment.

I think i have the same affliction. I, and many others, understood you perfectly though

My sister had a destination wedding 9 years ago, said she would understand if people couldn't go. it was in a really hot country (40 degrees day of wedding) I had a baby 3 weeks before the wedding, I for obvious reasons couldn't go but she hasnt spoken to me since.

Anyone else get the impression that OP only heard the term "Olympics" to refer to comparing things yesterday, and is desperate to use it in as many posts as they can?

It's not the "colloquial term" Olympics, OP - you can give it a rest!

Just. WOW. That is horrendous. Have you ever called her out on it? Are you completely NC or does she just blank you at family events?

I missed a sisters wedding at home in Ireland for the same reason, 3 weeks post c-section but my due date had been the day of her wedding so I was never going to be there and I'm still gutted about it. She was chatting to me about it recently in a "remember X's silly dancing" sort of way and I had to remind her that I hadn't been there. She'd completely forgotten.

I'm amazed op has any friends 🤣

She lives in a different country but yes just blanks me at family events, shes also 10 years older than me so i feel like shes just really immature at this stage. I have reached out on 3/4 occasions but each time its ignored so i have given up at this point. Even her own husband told her shes being ridiculous. She came to my wedding a year later and didn't even congratulate or speak to me.

You are unnecessarily snippy. With that attitude no one cares if you go or not.

Yes I find "not in my budget" to be a useful phrase in many circumstances. I have used it when a tradesman has gone way beyond what I am asking for in a quote and also at antiques fairs when Imo something has been way overpriced.

@Herewegoagain5 that's horrendous. So brass necked going to your wedding!

You said it, I was thinking it.

Absolutely spot on and not just being very rich. Very rich people often have demanding jobs - to expect somebody to take time off and jet off (even if you have surplus cash) and spend time on YOUR wedding if your holiday is only a week or two at best?

Head of litigation I knew once said - I would gladly accept a 50% pay cut for more free time (holidays). I can't imagine he would be thrilled about spending his holiday time allowance on somebody else's wedding.

Same goes for self-employed - whatever holiday/free time I have - I would rather spend it on my family, rather than jetting off to somebody else's wedding.

UK weddings are OK though - a day at best and I would happily indulge the couple by attending and brining a present and enjoying it.

YANBU. When someone picks a destination wedding they must realise some people won't be able to attend.

Both my children are getting married next year. One has decided against a destination or weekday wedding because she wants lots of people there and it's not fair to inflict the cost of that on them.

The other child IS having a weekday and destination wedding but with only 10 guests all of whom are close enough to the bride and groom to be happy to make the wedding part of an annual holiday. They've also had enough notice to plan dates and finances well in advance.

Sounds like you'll be perfectly capable of declining.

Emily really is displeased!

Exactly. Your wedding does not mean as much to anyone else but people seem to think that everyone should be as excited as hell about it when, in fact, an awful lot of people see it as a duty and yet another chuffing thing they have to do.

I love looking at old wedding photos from a time when people had some dignity and a sense of low key. The best weddings I have been to have had a 'less is more' vibe.

This thread is full of the joys of spring.

someone has invited you to a wedding either accept or decline.

there needs to be no judgement of people who have destination weddings as there needs to be no judgement of people who decline invites.

and everyone can remain friends.

if I am invited to a wedding it is normally someone I am close too so I wouldn’t see attending their wedding as a waste of my holidays rather an opportunity to celebrate with friends and family. Equally if I was unable to go I would send warm wishes a small gift and wish them all the best.