Feeling guilty for what DC eats. Normal mum or lazy mum?

[Violetangels]

Am I a lazy mum. I feel bad. Friend chatting about all the amazing things she cooks and bakes her toddler.

DC is 1 and 1/2. He’s very fussy with textures and has been since weaning. We also had lots of issues with breastfeeding, although managed to sort them but took months.

I work and so does DH. We have a lot of travelling and leave the house at 6:30am, both get home at around 6:30pm.

During the week DC will have cooked dinner at nursery / grandparents, but at home for tea I usually just do him something quick as he goes to bed at 7:30. Tonight was a cheese sandwich, them baby crisps you can buy and a banana. He then has a bottle at 7pm.

He refuses all foods like soup, spag bowl, pasta dishes. We’ve tried constantly from 6months old. No matter what home cooked meal I make, he struggles with a lot of textures and they can upset him. I offer them often to ensure he has exposer, but most of the time he will only eat dry / crispy things. This is what he ate Saturday:

Wheetabix with mashed fruit. Blueberry and kiwi or banana usually.
Snack fruit / yogurt
Lunch Cheese sandwich, chicken bites, no salt crisps and fruit
snack something like a baby biscotti
dinner fish cake, broccoli and potatos. A Heinz baby custard for pudding.

Other than the fruit/veg everything else he eats is pre packaged, he never eats any food that I make from scratch.
Friend made a comment about me should start making more of his foods and now I feel awful this evening.

My son had a good 6 month period where all he would eat was rice pudding and wotsits.

I think what you have described is totally normal.

Absolutely fine and normal

Thank you. Just reading the words it’s normal has made me tear up. I have been feeling so guilty

He gets a varied diet at nursery, don't sweat the small stuff.

Weekends you can try new things and batch cook tiny portions that you can reheat.

After nursery it is just time for a snack etc not stress everyone out.

Ignore your so called friend OP

you're doing a great job.

I think there is too much salt in the example you've given above (especially if it's pre-packaged).

Lots of toddlers don't like mixed in wet things. Try things like cucumber and carrot sticks, baby tomatoes (cut up) cheese cubes and pasta - no sauce, but just mixed with a bit of butter, flakes of cod, or chicken, roasted new potatoes.

My 22 month old only started eating things like pasta / rice / bolognese etc after 18 months. We had a miserable time weaning. He eats all sorts with our childminder, lots of different fruits etc. He's better with variety of actual food now, but fruit wise we still only get him to eat strawberries and grapes.

It's so stressful, especially when everyone else seems to be having a jolly old time weaning and enjoying meals with their babies / toddlers, so I really sympathise.

I would class this as a bad day for DS2 who is the same age. Everyone has different diets though.

What type of food do you eat? Can DS not eat the dinner you have?

Tell your "friend" to piss off - unless she is offering to come and cook for you she should mind her own business.

Smug idiot.

Doesn’t sound like much a friend OP, sounds like a normal stage tbh.

Just looking again, there is too much processed/packaged food. I would replace the biscotti and crisps for cucumber/carrot sticks. That's an easy switch for a busy mum. If he doesn't eat it, he probably isn't hungry. That's a big lunch? Keen to know what others think.

He sounds fine and completely normal! My DS wasn't interested in food at all for ages, he's still a fusspot now but we make sure he always gets his 5 a day, some protein, some carbohydrates, and some dairy products for calcium.

It's a pain in the proverbial dealing with a fussy eater, but it's not something you caused - some kids are just fussy. Keep trying new/different foods, but don't get annoyed if they're rejected. He'll get there in his own time.

Totally normal and fine! Honestly don't worry. At that age, as long as they're fed that's the important thing. I try to cook home made meals for my kids at the weekend, but during the week, after nursery my toddlers tend to have snacks like rice cakes, raisins, fruit, crisps, biscuits, even ice lollies (hides from MN food police).

If you're after inspiration for things he might like at his age... at the weekend I'll try to cook simple, child friendly things like dhal, chicken korma, spag bol, lasagne, macaroni cheese, leek and potato soup, omelettes, pesto pasta.

For breakfast, I tend make a batch of porridge bars with oats, milk and fruit purée from a recipe I came across on Instagram. But that's mainly because they're quick to make/serve up and don't make much mess, because the last thing I need when I'm getting ready for work in the morning is two toddlers who have coated themselves head to toe in Weetabix!

Honestly that age is survival mode! I've recently started a health kick in our family trying to avoid UPF which involves home cooking almost everything it's an absolute pain in the arse, it's expensive, it makes a mess and it takes a huge amount of time. The only reason I've been able to focus more on food now is because I WFH (so can do things in my lunch break and save time commuting, less tired), have more cash now we don't pay childcare and because my children are old enough to chip in with the cleaning up and and cooking.

Anyone who can juggle full time work, toddlers and a UPF free diet is inhuman in my eyes!

Thank you for being honest. The lunch is like, one slice of bread some butter and cheese, about 3 chicken bites, some no added salt veggie crisps (I know it doesn’t mean they are full of veg btw) and strawberries for example.

My son has sensory / texture issues so would rather starve himself all day than eat. If I gave him cucumber / carrot sticks he will grimace even touching them, cry and go hungry rather than put them to his mouth.

Thank you. We had to get HV’s involved up until he was about a year old due to not eating much foods. He now eats all his food groups and is doing so much better. We’re still a long way off of what we’d like but I know compared to some we are lucky our son does actually eat now!

There is potentially too much salt/sugar in the pre packaged foods, do you buy baby foods/meals
for him (eg the fish cakes) as these are lower in salt?

Nothing wrong with Weetabix but you could try mixing it up and having porridge with flaxseed mixed in for additional nutrition

Try Crosta & Mollica bread - these have minimal ingredients

Have you tried some plain foods if he doesn’t like meals with sauces? eg roasted chicken, boiled eggs, homemade fish cakes, mince and onion?

For snacks I’d try sugar free yoghurts, fruit, homemade oat bars (these take 3 mins to make and 45 mins to bake and last 5 days in the fridge)

Why will he eat the food in nursery or with grandparents but not with you? Presumably the nursery menu is bog standard, similar to most nurseries- fish pie, tomato pasta, cottage pie type food?

just to add there’s nothing wrong with a sandwich at home if he’s had a hot cooked lunch in nursery, I’d swerve the pre packed chicken bites and crisps though, they’re absolute garbage.

Thank you. I always check the salt to make sure he is under the amount he should have at his age, a lot of the meals he eats like the fish cakes for example are for children, and I know it doesn’t make them healthy but they are lower salt and have veg in.

I might try and make my own fish cakes and see if that helps, will look into them 3 minuite oat bars!

He doesn’t eat these foods with anyone, myself, grandparents or nursery

Well if he eats better than before then that's good x

So what is he eating in nursery for his hot meal?

My son hated the texture of meat from about 10 months. Wouldn’t tolerate it at all. Was veggie till he was about 3 when he would try tiny tastes of a chicken nugget. When he was 5 I could put tiny bits of mince with his spaghetti. I had to really gradually build it up. He’s 12 now and he eats most meats and veg although will only eat roast chicken if it’s in a fajita. The progress is slow but it’s progress. You’re doing the best you can and your friend doesn’t understand that picky eaters are not easy so I wouldn’t worry about her opinion

Absolutely normal. We had a decade long life journey with severe texture issues. I heard bollocks and tons of it. Ignored all of them and followed my gut, found the professional who sorted the whole thing with a single meeting. You will be fine. Do not accept anyone's bull s telling you that they eat what you give them. This is not true. They can develop all sorts of things