Feeling guilty for what DC eats. Normal mum or lazy mum?

[Violetangels]

Am I a lazy mum. I feel bad. Friend chatting about all the amazing things she cooks and bakes her toddler.

DC is 1 and 1/2. He’s very fussy with textures and has been since weaning. We also had lots of issues with breastfeeding, although managed to sort them but took months.

I work and so does DH. We have a lot of travelling and leave the house at 6:30am, both get home at around 6:30pm.

During the week DC will have cooked dinner at nursery / grandparents, but at home for tea I usually just do him something quick as he goes to bed at 7:30. Tonight was a cheese sandwich, them baby crisps you can buy and a banana. He then has a bottle at 7pm.

He refuses all foods like soup, spag bowl, pasta dishes. We’ve tried constantly from 6months old. No matter what home cooked meal I make, he struggles with a lot of textures and they can upset him. I offer them often to ensure he has exposer, but most of the time he will only eat dry / crispy things. This is what he ate Saturday:

Wheetabix with mashed fruit. Blueberry and kiwi or banana usually.
Snack fruit / yogurt
Lunch Cheese sandwich, chicken bites, no salt crisps and fruit
snack something like a baby biscotti
dinner fish cake, broccoli and potatos. A Heinz baby custard for pudding.

Other than the fruit/veg everything else he eats is pre packaged, he never eats any food that I make from scratch.
Friend made a comment about me should start making more of his foods and now I feel awful this evening.

He is average weight, he won’t touch eggs :( eats them in some foods, he will eat pancakes sometimes that I make with egg banana and flour but it’s hit or miss

I would really try to cut down on baby crisps and biscotti a piece of toast and butter or whatever would be much better but life is busy and he eats lots of good stuff too, and you're doing your best.

Prepare for it to get worse! DS ate stewed apple and bananas until about 2 but has never touched fruit since (now 16). He also used to be really fussy but now eats almost everything but fruit.

Ignore so called friends. Feed your child what he will eat until he gets older and he will improve naturally. You're doing a great job!!

Seems fine to me!

Why? The NHS guidance is over the top on this. Just one bottle before bedtime is fine.

Thank you. I am going to cut down on the crisps and biscotti and offer things like more fruit, toast, Greek yogurt, Cheerios instead

It's important to brush their teeth before bed as it can cause tooth decay if not. They should be getting their nutrition from food not milk. Also the teat is bad for their teeth.

That’s obviously not what’s being talked about. A long life pot of baby custard isn’t going to have anything nutritious in it.

I think your friend is rude to say anything but as you are asking...

The thing with the prepacked food, chicken bites, crisps, custard is that it is very bland and has a very consistent texture which appeals to fussy eaters but it can be difficult to return to "real food" and obviously they won't be getting the baby versions for ever so may end up favouring highly processed food with high amounts of fat, sugar and salt.

Could you look at replacing items suggested healthier alternatives, like a chopped chicken breast instead of bites, a slice of brown toast instead of the biscuit, a low sugar yogurt instead of the custard, more fruit instead of the crisps. There is some really good advice on this thread about introducing new foods

I'd an awful time with my son when he was younger. He would happily starve too. I found kidseatincolor on Instagram really helpful and reassuring and not judgey or unrealistic.

Well bully for her!!! Is she a bit insecure about her parenting generally? So trying to feel superior? Or is she just unable to understand that not all kids are the same. Ignore her.

Your son eats better than mine. Mine will eat pizza, chips and roast dinner. That's literally it for hot food. He will just refuse to eat if I give him anything else. He'd rather go from breakfast to tea without eating anything than trying anything other than his "safe" foods.
If your son is being offered a hot meal at nursery or grandparents then I would just give him a snack tea and not really worry about what my friend thought.
You never know by the time your children are 5 yours could be eating everything while her child is refusing everything.

Don't worry at all! You're doing your best with a hectic schedule and a fussy toddler.

FWIW, I know one family where the kids ate everything as toddlers, never ate fast food until they were 13, had a really wide range of tastes and boy, was Mum proud of it. They're now 18 and 16 and both developed food issues and survive on a diet of what can only be described as yellow food. Chicken nuggets, plain pasta with cheese, doughballs (weirdly!), fries and yogurt. I"d much rather be dealing with a toddler learning to eat what they like as they learn what they like in a stress free environment as that's (imo anyway) what encourages better eating habits as they get older.

Oh just to give you a bit of hope. At the weekends I always leave chopped veg out while I'm preparing dinner, when they are starving basically. I've two fantastic eaters who always ate it. But at 6 years old my son suddenly reached out and started eating it! We couldn't believe it. Obviously without the other kids you might find yourself eating a lot of veg to get here.

Mine was just like this! After gradually building up the sauce I introduced the tiniest bit of mince which he of course picked out. But I kept doing it and gradually he ate a bit and then a bit more and now at 12 eats a full spaghetti bolognaise with lots of mince and sauce (although absolutely no cheese is allowed on the top!). The progress is slow but it’s happening for you

I have a child with texture/sensory issues and we have been under SALT for Eating and Drinking. We were actually recommended to offer "crunch and dissolve" foods like baby crisps to help expand the range of textures. I think a lot of people don't understand issues with textures, no they won't eat it if they are hungry enough, sadly.

Id really avoid offering many crunchy carbs (including cheerios) , toddlers really don't need masses of food and will really quickly fill up on these & milk given half a chance.

Be patient - it will take a good 3 weeks when making changes for him to adapt, feel hungry and begin to eat a better range and it might initially be small steps like a small broccoli floret or piece of grilled chicken breast. You need to allow him to feel some hunger, don't be tempted to have back up easy carb snack foods available if he doesn't eat the mesl you offer. If he's average weight he's clearly getting enough to eat.

I do the opposite so Toddler has a sandwich m/ bagel and peanut butter/ cheese spread etc for lunch
Skips
Banana m or grapes and a yoghurt for lunch and then cooked food for tea.

Perfectly normal

A top another mother shared with me was that she cooks and freezes mashed potatoes , gravy and curry in portions when they have these foods and warms it in the microwave, honestly makes a really quick dinner mash with cheese and beans or corned beef and veg and gravy. If your child will eat it of course. Mines temperamental with food. I'm sure they all are.

Just wanted to send solidarity to you as my 15 months old is the same. Just refuses nearly everything!!

Your kids diet is way better than mine. He mostly just eats Greek yoghurt. If I try to sneakily mix things in he rejects it. Nearly everything gets thrown on the floor and even things he does eat (like fruit) are generally just a couple of bites. Like you, I've tried everything.

My DS seems to be growing fine but I do worry that internally he won't be developing properly if he doesn't get the right nutrients.

He's also not a great sleeper - is yours? I wonder if it goes together.

Sounds like you are doing a great job anyway! X

This sounds fine to me. Loads of varied homemade food is great, but if your kid won't eat it what are you meant to do???

My sister lived on lightly toasted bread and butter for a while as a child. My DS went through a phase of refusing to eat at mealtimes and howling for food at literally every other second of the day.

PP's idea of deconstructed food is a good shout. We did that for meals DS didn't like when all cooked together- so, if we were having stir fry or something, he'd have a little pile of plain noodles, the veg, and the protein served separately with no sauce. Worked quite well, I just dished his up before putting the sauce in for ours.

The other thing that worked quite well was letting him have access to unfamiliar foods to eat (or play with a lot of the time 😆) on the coffee table while we were doing something else. So I'd put down a plate of carrot/peas/whatever on the table without comment while he played and take a bit to eat myself now and then. Sometimes he'd squish it about/make a little tower out of the veggie sticks etc and sometimes he'd have a little nibble. To be honest, with DS I think there was an element of not wanting to eat when he was asked/expected to in order to assert his independence, but he'd snaffle it on his own terms.

Good luck OP, and don't pay attention to your friend. She shouldn't be so smug, mine ate absolutely anything at the beginning and I felt very pleased with my clearly EXCELLENT child weaning skills. And then it all changed 😆

I had one child who ate anything, still does. I am the worst cook and have really tested that ability over the years. If I just had him I might assume I was brilliant at getting kids to eat. However his twin brother proves it is not that straightforward. He's pretty good now, and thankfully most of his limited preferences as a toddler were pretty healthy (when all else failed he'd have a plate of kidney beans!?) Getting him to eat anything "wet" wasn't an option though, and he still would rather live without sauces. I spent a lot of time encouraging him to expand his choices - I was much lazier with his brother who would accept anything put in front of him.

Sounds in the healthier range of diets for that age, to me!

My eldest ate only white food for a year... so rice, hard boiled egg whites and sometimes cheshire cheese. Then once she got over that, it was no sauces, plain past, no foods touching etc etc... massive sensory issues. She was a nightmare to feed from birth too.

No 2 refused all veg (having been a baby who ate everything he stopped at 2) YEARS of bltzing veg to hide in pasta sauce followed.

Now non veg man eats everything. (barring spouts!) Eldest has ARFID so still has a very limited diet... but is way better than she was as a toddler!

(My other two ate everything perfectly happily btw)

People who have children who eat everything DON'T get it... and there are some very sneery judgemental tones on here. If your child won't eat then popping a few home cooked meals or bloody carrot sticks in front of them, won't cut it.
Your priority is him eating...whatever he can/will. if there is some fruit/veg in there... fabulous. I guess he has vitamin drops to ward off anything he's missing?

You are doing fine. In time he very likely will eat a bit better, but it will take time.
Ignore or dump the friend, she just doesn't get it.

Mine got ridiculously excited about frozen peas and corn..if he will eat ice cream and ice lollies, try them

I had a plate with separated sections until mine were 3/4 yrs old as they got very upset about foods touching each other. I think it helped them to try new things too

If he likes something with a certain texture then have a think about how you can recreate something similar at home and in a way that you can batch cook it and freeze it. Then dinner is grab x out of the freezer and bung it in the air fryer..but its still homemade

Air fryers are great for crisping things up without loads of fat.

Would he eat eggy bread (french toast) if its fried up with crispy edges?

just avoid all stews and soggy food if that not what he likes

and lastly and most importantly, has he had his adenoids and tonsils looked at by a doctor? Some children who dont like many foods have large tonsils/adenoids and it makes swallowing difficult for them..and its easily fixed.

Stop judging yourself you are doing fine. There's a lot of feeding judgment out there. I have a child who eats everything, never picky and and very adventurous. But...I was so picky it was ridiculous. My poor mom how she put up with me. I didn't eat right until 30.

If he does like Weetabix, that’s one of the best cereals you can have. Low in sugar, loads of fibre and iron. Its better than Cheerios or oat bars, so if he’s happy to eat Weetabix and fruit every day, that’s great, I had Weetabix for the first time about 30 years ago when I was visiting the UK from Canada on a school trip. With the exception of times when I couldn’t find it in the shops here, I’ve eaten it pretty much every day since 1994. Sometimes twice because although I’m not a mum, I am lazy and will eat it for supper sometimes too!