Feeling guilty for what DC eats. Normal mum or lazy mum?

[Violetangels]

Am I a lazy mum. I feel bad. Friend chatting about all the amazing things she cooks and bakes her toddler.

DC is 1 and 1/2. He’s very fussy with textures and has been since weaning. We also had lots of issues with breastfeeding, although managed to sort them but took months.

I work and so does DH. We have a lot of travelling and leave the house at 6:30am, both get home at around 6:30pm.

During the week DC will have cooked dinner at nursery / grandparents, but at home for tea I usually just do him something quick as he goes to bed at 7:30. Tonight was a cheese sandwich, them baby crisps you can buy and a banana. He then has a bottle at 7pm.

He refuses all foods like soup, spag bowl, pasta dishes. We’ve tried constantly from 6months old. No matter what home cooked meal I make, he struggles with a lot of textures and they can upset him. I offer them often to ensure he has exposer, but most of the time he will only eat dry / crispy things. This is what he ate Saturday:

Wheetabix with mashed fruit. Blueberry and kiwi or banana usually.
Snack fruit / yogurt
Lunch Cheese sandwich, chicken bites, no salt crisps and fruit
snack something like a baby biscotti
dinner fish cake, broccoli and potatos. A Heinz baby custard for pudding.

Other than the fruit/veg everything else he eats is pre packaged, he never eats any food that I make from scratch.
Friend made a comment about me should start making more of his foods and now I feel awful this evening.

Can you share a recipe for the oat bars please?

• 2 ripe bananas (about 160g peeled weight)
• 3 tbsp olive oil
• 2 tbsp honey (optional)
• 250g oats
• 30g sunflower seeds
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 100g blueberries

Mix the ingredients together, add to a lined square cake tin and bake for 45 mins until golden brown then cut into bars -
makes around 10 bars

Obviously I'm talking about the pots of processed goop the OP is giving her toddler not homemade crème anglaise. There's a world of difference which is absolutely the point of the whole post isn't it?

Homemade carrot cake flapjack is super healthy, nutritious snack whereas the shop bought baby bars are processed overly sweet junk.

Kids shop yogurt is full of sugar and emulsifiers, thickeners, home mixed greek yogurt and fresh fruit is completely different.

Oaty apple biscuits made at home very different to the shop ones with 20 ingredients etc.

Overall I find it disappointing how much crap the UK gives children, processed snacks like quavers, sugary cereal everyday, nuggets for dinner. It's why primary lunches are so bad, the majority of kids will only eat crap because they're given crap. A toddler has no idea what a quaver is, why introduce it? It's very different in a the rest of Northern Europe.

fish cakes....so....you can pretty much n maybe also make chicken cakes perhaps veg cakes. my fuspot would physically grue at say trad roast chicken dinner.if throw in blender with mash potato n crumb it...its maybe doable?

The main thing is he is eating. It doesn't matter how hard you try. My daughter ate everything from 6 months got to 3 and became so fussy. Nearly 11 and only in the last 2 years will try new things (things she ate as a baby). She eats like a grown man though eats me out a house no problem. Xxx

Try giving him food you have made and put it in one of the empty jars of food you’ve given him but make sure he sees you take it out of the cupboard/fridge so he thinks it’s pre packaged

I would switch out the Heinz custard for plain natural yoghurt. That’s a lot of sugar. Just as easy, much cheaper and a lot healthier x

i went full crunchy mom with my first. made everything from scratch from day 1, not even baby cereals let alone anything packaged. devoured books and guidance on feeding. exhausted myself baking his organic snacks.
by 18 months child ate nothing but plain pasta and rice, peanut butter, bananas. now at nearly four he still won’t try new things and is very sensitive to textures, but at least eats proteins 🙄 you’re fine! do try to cut out packaged things if you can for a weekend baking session together, if they help they’re more keen to try.

Do you think it's possible your child is not hungry enough. My DS is the same age and probably eats half of what you have described but he eats more fruit and veg. I get every child is different but DS is tall too, 92nd percentile.

I agree with this. Our food standards have massively dropped and we have an obesity and eating disorder epidemic for a reason. Since when is it good enough to just be giving a child food? This is an age where they require the most nutrient-dense foods.

My kids don't have perfect diets but I think I should strive for them to eat healthy fats and nutrients dense food. It is a shame that we live such fast paced life now that it's a hassle for us to cook home made food for our kids and ourselves.

My son (who is 21 now) my first born, i bought organic everything, steamed and blended all foods for weaning, spent hours... wouldn't touch none of it, he lived off egg custard and a 1 kind of jar baby food. My goodness i would try everything, i cried, took him to health visitors doctors.
He still to this day is fussy (none of other kids are) BUT he is healthy big strapping lad.
If i could go back and tell myself that aslong as he ate something not to worry i would and would save me alot of worry and stress.

OP it's really good, he seems to have a varied diet with lots of fruit, veg and calcium rich food and protein.

Just leave him to be happy with food and mealtimes. It will come eventually as he gets older.

DS had a health issue at around 2 and his diet consisted of satsuma dipped in salad cream, yogurt, wotsits and Richmond sausages, anything that would slip down and now he's over 6 foot and eats anything you put in front of him.

Your friend is a performative parent and can FO.

My kids would be allowed to eat what they like when they like as much junk as they want.

Sounds fairly standard! I batch cooked for my eldest as a baby/toddler and to buggery did he eat any of it! (He ate 1 portion of each thing I’d cooked hence I batch cooked… thinking I’d cracked it!) . You’re doing your best, what one child loves another doesn’t! FYI my 9 yr old still loves a baby biscotti! And nabs them off my 2 yro. I still like a rusk! There’s no age limit 😂
my eldest eats really well now l, my 2 yr old eats what she likes. I’m not stressing as long as they’re fed and happy
1 thing I learnt from my 1st born is, don’t stress about it. I take that approach with my youngest. They don’t eat junk but they eat ok, some days much better/well/good & other days it’s freezer tapas (Birds Eye!)or sandwiches /snacks/fruit in the guise of a living room picnic which they both love. You’re doing great! Ignore what all the home cooks are comparing & advising you must do. Your baby is happy & the eating ‘thing’ changes lots x

I don’t cook much ‘especially’ for my 1 year old but he will often have a little bit of what we have if it’s suitable- such as not spicy and salty. I do give him a.lot of plain things like fruit, veg, toast, soft and hard cheeses, eggs etc. Just keep offering him new things now and again but you can’t force him! Your friend was being thoughtless saying that to you I don’t see the point other than to hurt your feelings!

She doesn’t sound like a friend! Just smug to be honest.
if it is bothering you though try batch cooking te stuff he does like. Buy lots of little containers and freeze it. I used to do that for mine when they were little. But honestly I know children on much worse diets, he sounds loved and cared for and you sound like you’re doing a great job, it’s not easy. Tell your so called friend where to go. Or sit back and wait for her child to go through the phase where they won’t eat anything she cooks for them 🤣🤣

OP your DS is getting a more balanced diet than many kids the same age. Ignore your friend. Keeping mealtimes relaxed and positive will do far more for encouraging him to eat than stressing about whether he’s tried any of the food you’ve just spent ages cooking from scratch.

Lots of good advice here. I’ve got a couple of suggestions to add. Firstly, wherever possible try switching the processed versions of what your DS will eat for unprocessed ones. Someone has already mentioned swapping chicken bites for plain cooked chicken. It’s easy to cook a couple of chicken breasts at the weekend and freeze slices for the week ahead. You could also think about investing in a bread maker. Commercial bread can contain a lot of additives, but if you make your own there are no preservatives and you control the amount of sugar and salt. Once you get used to it, it takes less than five minutes to put the ingredients in and the machine does the rest. (You can also make a couple of loaves at the weekend to slice and feeeze.)

My other suggestion might be controversial on here, but it worked for me. My DS was very fussy about veg when he was a toddler so I started letting him eat snacky meals in front of the telly. I put a picnic rug on the carpet and then gave him toast/a sandwich with strips of cheese or chicken and a range of veg sticks, some raw (carrot, pepper, etc.) and some cooked (mini sweetcorn, green beans, broccoli florets). He’d be so engrossed in CBeebies that he’d eat it without thinking too much about what he was putting in his mouth. He’s now 11 and eats way more veg, both quantity and variety, than his friends.

Anyone who makes those sort of comments to you is not a friend. My grandson had a severe dairy allergy and did not eat actual food (apart from a few tastes here and there) until he was 15 months old. He developed an aversion to solid food because of all his tummy issues etc. The day he ate a piece of nan bread was a cause for massive celebration for us! We didn't care what he ate so long as it was food. He's now nearly 4 and loves fruit and veg as they grow a lot themselves, but still severely allergic to dairy. Ignore the healthy eating brigade as they have obviously never had a child with eating issues.

What hot meals does he eat at nursery?

In your original post you say "He then has a bottle at 7pm.".

My son has ARFID (and most likely autism) and would also rather starve himself than eat the wrong thing. If it is the same with your kid (and it sounds like with that last sentance) IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

I repeat: EATING PROBLEMS LIKE ARFID ARE NOT THE PARENTS FAULT!

You are doing everything humanly possible to feed your child, and you HAVE TO resort to what works or they WILL STARVE TO DEATH! Other parents with "normal" children don't understand how much we struggle and beat up our selfs when there is really nothing we can do. You can not force a child to eat (or you should't because abuse).

Just keep feeding what works and keep offering new things until someting sticks. You can message me if you want to know more general information. Since I'm in Sweden I can't help you with specifics.

Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job OP. Sounds completely normal and just like our 2 had when they were young. They are 6 and 8 now and above average in size, don't have any health issues and take part in all activities.

And they still get peanut butter and banana sandwiches for a snack/meal after school sometimes.

I once spotted a parent I know buying nothing but microwave meals (e.g. rustler burgers, microwave chips, etc) for her 3 year old. Trust me, you’re not a lazy parent if you’re feeding your child sandwiches, vegetables and fish. Other parents just like to one-up each other sometimes- there’s probably something you’re doing “better at” than your friend.