Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

Yes

I’d rather those childminders, nursery staff etc, had work and didn’t get pushed into unemployment.

But it's all a bit of a fake economy. Many parents working, who have to have taxpayers fund their childcare in order for them to work, to create jobs for childminders to do the job the parent could have done themselves, if they wish to.

Like the PP I’d also rather my contributions to the tax pot, went to people who couldn’t work (not those who choose not to), and to services that really need it.

I can honestly think of many, many people and things I’d rather fund (or pay toward funding) than people actively choosing not to work because they just don’t want to and would rather be at home.

That's fine, we just disagree. I think it's really beneficial for children to have a parent at home, if the parent wishes to do that. Not everyone begrudges paying for parents to be at home with their children for those years that they need childcare.

I’m all for funding for childcare. It shouldn’t be a barrier for women to work and I’m happy for it to be funded by the taxpayer.

Can’t say the same about paying someone to look after their own child.

We're happy to pay towards a parent staying at home or towards childcare. It doesn't make much difference who the money goes to.

It’s an economy that allows people who want to work, to work.

If we all just stayed at home (which I don’t want to, and can’t access childcare anyway) then your way of doing it forces people who do want to work, out of it. Those people are contributing to the economy because they want to.

There’s also been people stating that when their kids are at school they go to the gym, volunteer, do the housework, “potter” basically.

Why would I, or anyone else, want to pay someone to potter about, just because they want to?

In the same way that you cannot babysit your own children, you can’t claim a state salary for raising them either. Shouldn’t, anyway, in my view.

It’s an economy that allows people who want to work, to work.

If we all just stayed at home (which I don’t want to, and can’t access childcare anyway) then your way of doing it forces people who do want to work, out of it. Those people are contributing to the economy because they want to.

There’s also been people stating that when their kids are at school they go to the gym, volunteer, do the housework, “potter” basically.

Why would I, or anyone else, want to pay someone to potter about, just because they want to?

In the same way that you cannot babysit your own children, you can’t claim a state salary for raising them either. Shouldn’t, anyway, in my view.

No, because there will always be a mix of parents who want to work and those who don't. I don't believe in forcing parents to stay at home, I just believe if they want to they should be able to until the child no longer needs childcare, because there are benefits to it. Equally people should be supported into working with children and given greater flexibility to help them stay in work if they wish to. We all need the next generation.

If the magical 10-2 jobs were in abundance then I'd be in favour of primary school parents working those jobs. There's not many around though.

We disagree and that's ok. 😊

I was one of the posters who said they volunteer, amongst many other things. I'm paying for myself though so don't worry you're not paying me.

IRL I find the people who pay very little tax think they're paying for everyone. In reality most people aren't covering their own burden, never mind anyone else's.

I have been unable to work for 22 years and soon will be in a position that I have a green card and can seek employment. I am absolutely bricking it. I have had 22 years to get used to my time being completely my own, for hobbies and socializing etc. I hate waking up early, am a night owl and hate having any kind of schedule. I am also aware how few skills I have that an employer would look for and without a degree and other qualifications will be stuck in menial labor. My husband suggests going back to college to finish up and think of a career I want - but I’m 43 now and just don’t have a career plan in my head. My hobby makes some money but I don’t think it will ever match up to a regular 40 hour work week on minimum wage.

I’d seriously rather die than go back to work at this point.

Have you looked at the National careers service online or you can give them a call. They might be able to help.

nationalcareers.service.gov.uk

@Thefsm

Nice goady post 👏

May I suggest a career in content writing.

Not judgmental but smug

@cadburyegg When do you think working mums find time to do all of the things you listed? Or do they just not bother?

At least they are trying though by going out to work and don't forget council tax

Perhaps some mothers see the value in being home with their children rather then working? And if they can afford too, why wouldn't they ? I find it frustrating and a little sad that your focus is entirely on "getting back to work " yet you're not even considering how beneficial it is for both young children and their mothers to spend those early years together.
Not to mention the juggle once school starts! A lot of the times it's simply easier for everyone if mum decides to work minimal hours or not at all. If you can handle the stress then good for you but if you can afford to not work and be there for your kids 100% then I think that's pretty great and not something to be judged.

Like I said, I'm a single working parent and only the essentials get done. If there is another hands on parent in the home I imagine that helps enormously.

I think if you're healthy and your kids are physically health/no ND needs etc and you want to stay at home, you shouldn't expect the state to fund that. I fully support parents (not just mums) being enable to work with childcare costs etc and help to get back into work. Just sitting around on your arse with school age kids and expecting the government to pay for it isn't on.

That's because not everyone will agree that it's beneficial. Not in all situations anyway.

I brought up my three children alone...Their father worked all over the world and decided not to bother coming home again & that was that....l got no child support from him because no-one knew where he was...He worked for a foreign company who refused to give details....l had always worked full time, so him leaving had no affect on me and the children as our routines were the same...sometimes he would be away for six months at a time...So we were used to life without him....
One morning l was stood in the school playground listening to a woman who was absolutely furious, apparently the DWP were taking her off the sickness benefit, onto job seekers allowance as she was fit to work...She had a husband who worked and a set of twin girls. Another parent asked her why she was on the sickness benefit, her reply , "you don't need to look for jobs on sickness benefits and l lied at my assessment , and they believed me, the DWP left me alone, until now...l don't want to work, l enjoy having the time to myself and the government shouldn't make me work, they should pay me to stay at home"..Oh dear, her comments did not go down very well with the 95% of working parents stood in that playground .....It's people like her that tarnish other mothers who cannot or do not want to work, they have good reasons not too, but don't thief from the hardworking taxpayer. Sometimes you get dealt a rubbish set of cards but you have to deal with it, get on with things, & not blame everyone else....
My children are all grown up now, all in great professional employment and l am beyond proud of each one.....They have told me how proud they are of me....They know l worked hard and yes it was bloody tough at times , but they say they have a great childhood and know l did it for them, and me, l just didn't want to go on benefits. Not sure if it's a generational thing, but it was instilled in me , nobody owes you a thing, you will work two, three jobs ,do what it takes earn your own money...l do see it from both sides...
Not long ago l retired, dreading the winter when it's dark early and bad weather, much like today really, but started looking to volunteer work, l need to wake up each morning with a purpose, it's good for me, l feel valued and enjoy being around people. Work is so good for mental health, l couldn't watch daytime tv, day in, day out...lf l didn't have to retire l wouldn't have done.

There's a friend my DH has who's not worked since her daughter was born. Daughter is now aged 16, and the friend has been a single mum on benefits during the whole time. It actually incenses me how much she's been given by the taxpayer to be a "lady of leisure" for the past 16 years. No health issues or mental health problems that I know of. She just merely says she's worse off going back to work 🙄 😒

I've had a lot of serious health problems for the past decade yet still managed to find some work and bring up my DC. I can't imagine what is really actually stopping her.

OP, again I agree, " a lot of stay at home mums is that they want everyone else to work. I'm in social care, they're the first to complain". It's something I've noticed in work. My customers who have time (no work, kids in school) expect instant replies. The workers understand that a reply will come as soon as possible but there's a queue.

When we provide lifelong benefits we disable people to the extent they want to be parented.

Just out of curiosity, why couldn't you work? Were you mentally unwell? Of course, you don't have to say why, I'm just curious 🤔

All these people looking down on "crappy" jobs. I was raised with a true working class ethic- you always work and you work hard. It was instilled in me and I was proud to have instilled that in my son. Have some pride in yourself and don't be a lazy arse. If you can afford not to work without the tax payers funding it, fine. If not, set a good example to your children and get a job. You aren't too "good" for minimum wage job.

It's definitely beneficial for the children at least, especially babies. There is no situation in which it's better for a babies and toddlers to be away from their mother for the extended periods of time required to maintain a job .

You really can’t think of any situation?

Studies show that poverty isn’t beneficial for children. If a mother working means her children won’t grow up in poverty? That’s beneficial.

Working can improve your mental health in some cases. That’s also beneficial for the children. A miserable SAHM isn’t beneficial.

That’s just two examples off the top of my head. I’m sure there’s many more.

@Lolajane80 Just "the mother" you are referring to here?

The OP is talking about people who can’t afford to.

You're entirely missing my point. I understand not everyone has the privilege to not have to work and when there's a choice available what mother wouldn't want to be around to raise their own children rather then sending them off to strangers to do so? Whatever studies you're referring to can be disregarded because there are more studies stating the benefits of a mother staying at home to raise her own children. It is not normal for a mother and baby to be apart and it's completely unfair to the baby. It's capatalism and the people you're working for that have some how convinced woman that getting back to work is more important then raising children . It's sad