Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

100 percent agree. Some mothers would rather live in poverty than get a job.

I don’t work, I handed in my notice when my so started school as my workplace made it abundantly clear that they resented any time I had to be off with my child and also wouldn’t accommodate early starts etc.

Couple that with a SEN child who won’t do after school care, a husband who works crazy hours and absolutely no family help and it’s almost impossible to make it work without also being incredibly stressed out.

I’m lucky enough that my DH earns enough for us to be comfortable and very much doubt I’d be entitled to any benefits.

I think some mothers would rather not work and live in poverty than live in poverty AND work whilst trying to juggle kids/housework etc.

I want to make a point as a single mum on benefits that it would be impossible for me to work I live for each penny my children came from abuse where I was literally locked away (he is in prison) i did start my degree but working now is almost impossible I can’t afford child care all local nurseries have Monday morning Tuesday afternoon hours I don’t drive no one will work emply for the random 15 hours nursery gives with no half terms or school holiday no childcare avalible at all so working is actually a luxury for those who are in the worst situations

Lots of people get subsidised childcare, they go to work only for the taxpayer to pay a lot of their childcare bill anyway. I don't see much difference in a parent just staying home, doing it themselves and claiming benefits if that's what they need to do for a while when their kids are young

A working person will pay tax and NI. They will also contribute to a pension - something we know is essential. Better to do all that and receive support with.chuldcare than sit at home for 10 plus years.

I don’t really understand what SAHP do if their kids go to school all day five days a week.

I'm a single working parent and I can think of loads of things that I would do in that time!

Let's get the first thing straight though - first of all it's not "all day" it's 6 hours a day, taking into account school runs, for me that would be about 5.5 hours a day I have "spare".

I'd run probably twice a week. School admin. Life admin. Probably a weekly therapy session if money was no object, I'd never run out of things to talk about. Housework, laundry, cleaning and ironing. DIY. Decluttering. Mowing the lawn and keeping the garden under control. I might even have time to have a pretty garden rather than just a lawn. Our whole house needs renovating and picking out things like a new kitchen etc takes time. Car and bike maintenance. My mum is 80 and I'm an only child so I'd help her with all of the above. Planning Christmas. Planning birthdays, parties and play dates. Taking pets to vet when necessary. Helping my friends with childcare. Taking care of my children when they get sick without worrying about having to tell my boss. Grocery shopping. Cooking decent home made meals ready for the kids when they come home. Planning fun educational activities for them to take part in after school. Volunteering maybe - our village always needs help with things or maybe I'd go into the school and listen to readers, offer to help out at the school trips.

Sadly my exh doesn't see it as his job to provide for his children much though so it falls to me. Like many parents, it means that out of the above list, only the absolute essentials get done (like school admin) and the rest is just fire fighting.

The thing is about a lot of stay at home mums is that they want everyone else to work. I'm in social care, they're the first to complain if I cancel an appointment because my child is sick. So they can't possibly work as they have children, but I should be absolutely flawless, punctual and get back to emails within seconds. Most people in roles such as mine are mothers. I think the ratio is 70/30 women to men, might even be 80/20

A working person will pay tax and NI. They will also contribute to a pension - something we know is essential. Better to do all that and receive support with.chuldcare than sit at home for 10 plus years.

In your opinion, but for some they would rather be at home with their children, especially whilst they are primary school age. Someone has to look after the next generation so if a parent wants to be the one to do that and not outsource hours of that to childcare, I'll support them.

Many working people claim more than they pay in tax so that's a bit of a joke. They pay tax but then claim in excess of what they pay. Pension can be an issue but NI is covered til your youngest is 12 and you can continue with a private pension when you can.

I just find it odd that some people are fine with their tax paying towards someone else to hire a childminder etc but those same people have an issue with helping parents do it themselves. Just cut out the middle man and let parents look after their own children until no childcare is needed.

I wouldn't complain at anyone missing something because their child is sick.

No yout4 alright thanks, I’d rather my tax pound went to schools and police and the nhs.

Some people are just bone idle

You can do GCSEs for free in English and Maths from my understanding. Also many places offer free courses such as IT or teaching assistant free if you qualify. In London that would be earning less than the London living wage and other requirements

Because it wouldn’t be parents, it would largely be mothers. I wouldn’t be completely against it if it would be just as likely for the father to do it but that isn’t what would happen.

I don’t think it’s good on a societal level to encourage mothers to be the default parent.

@Comedycook
Absolutely this.
I wfh, in winter I sit with no heating on as we simply can't afford to put it on. The room was about 5 degrees some days. It's horrible. Not entitled to anything. Literally work to pay bills. Everyone in my team is the same.
No office to go into locally now and no other jobs that would fit in with childcare. DH works shifts so can't do school runs even with wraparound, so that costs. , I still expect someone will tell me I'm lucky to wfh.
And yes I do have a degree, brought up by a single mum from a council estate who wanted better for me. Whacking great student loan debt to go with it too.
So happy others gets to sit on their arses all day on benefits.

No yout4 alright thanks, I’d rather my tax pound went to schools and police and the nhs.

You'd rather a child spend 8 hours a day with a childminder (that you may pay tax toward depending on your income) than be looked after by their own parent if a parent wishes to? I think the logic makes little sense.

I am a SAHM, I've never claim benefits other than child benefit before it was means tested. My kids are older now but I'm glad my partner is happy for his tax to pay towards other parents to stay at home. Different views but I'm glad we think like we do and understand how beneficial it can be for a child to have a SAHP, if that is what they wish to do.

Despite my partner paying more tax than most people, he doesn't feel like his tax pays for everyone though. The way some individuals speak, you'd swear they were single hands SLT paying for everyone else. 🙄

No hun. I prefer people pay to raise their own kids rather than put their hand out and ask fo4 money from others, because that money should be spent on education, the nhs, police etc etc,

Ooh, you massive rich Tory.

Because it wouldn’t be parents, it would largely be mothers. I wouldn’t be completely against it if it would be just as likely for the father to do it but that isn’t what would happen.

I don’t think it’s good on a societal level to encourage mothers to be the default parent.

That's on individuals to make sure as much as they can that they're in a good relationship with an equal respectful partner where neither is default parent.

If someone treats you like this it’s because they’re a prick, not because they’re a stay at home parent.

Its also on them to fund it if they want a parent to stay at home.

Yes.

I’d rather those childminders, nursery staff etc, had work and didn’t get pushed into unemployment.

Like the PP I’d also rather my contributions to the tax pot, went to people who couldn’t work (not those who choose not to), and to services that really need it.

I can honestly think of many, many people and things I’d rather fund (or pay toward funding) than people actively choosing not to work because they just don’t want to and would rather be at home.

No hun. I prefer people pay to raise their own kids rather than put their hand out and ask fo4 money from others, because that money should be spent on education, the nhs, police etc etc,

Hun? Oh dear.

Childcare is unaffordable for a lot of people, that is why the government is subsidising it. So it's being subsidised anyway for lots of people, it doesn't make much difference whether the money is going to childminders or parents to look after children.

If you are a net contributer, you will be helping pay for other people's childcare whether you like it or not.

Its also on them to fund it if they want a parent to stay at home.

But for lots of them, if they go to work, they get a lot of their childcare funded by the taxpayer anyway. They may as well look after their children themselves if they want to.

I’m all for funding for childcare. It shouldn’t be a barrier for women to work and I’m happy for it to be funded by the taxpayer.

Can’t say the same about paying someone to look after their own child.