Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

It is not easy to get DLA especially for 3 kids, if she's getting it there is a reason for it. Making a cup of tea doesn't mean you can't have a disability.

That’s a fairly bold statement.

My stepson walks and (somewhat) talks. He also doesn't sleep, isn’t toilet trained and has huge emotional regulation issues.

If you saw him in the park, and admittedly didn’t look for a particularly long time, he could pass as neurotypical - believe me, he isn’t.

No cups of tea being made but there’s time yet!

My SIL is a single mum. Child in secondary school. Used to moan about money. I never understood why she didn’t just get a job. I don’t really understand what SAHP do if their kids go to school all day five days a week. And if you don’t fancy getting a job then don’t moan about money. There is literally a solution to your problem.
if you have a disability then fair enough. You just do what you can. We are a community who should support you.
lots of single mums work full time and manage. Again, unless you have a disability, then not really much reason to do nothing.

That’s a good point.

I have known her years and know the doctor told her to stop taking the kids in as there was nothing wrong with them. I understand any child with a disability but I can’t stand people who use their kids to get more money and there’s plenty of them

There’s no way a doctor somewhere doesn’t think those kids are disabled, or they wouldn’t get DLA.

The amount of reports, assessments, hoops - someone somewhere believes that they are, and it would take a LOT of effort to lie about it.

I worked before I had kids and I’ll return to work when they’re all in school, I’ve paid my taxes… I don’t live a lavish lifestyle or sit on my arse all day, if you wanted to live that way then so could you? No one’s looking down on anyone, I’m stating that to me my kids are more important, I’d rather spend my time with them whilst their wee than be looking after other people as a carer. Why is this such a hard consent to grasp?

I don’t really understand what SAHP do if their kids go to school all day five days a week.

There's loads of things you can do without working. I can't imagine not 'understanding' that there are plenty of things to do without work.

For me, I've chosen to rescue animals which takes up many hours of my day, I'm also able to do the school run for my 15 year old, volunteer on Fridays, as well as all the stuff like exercise, shopping, cooking etc without being pushed for time and having lots of stress.

I don't moan about money though, but I just wanted to address the 'I don't understand how anyone possibly has anything to do', which is clearly a dig at others but just makes you sound stupid.

Well this is true but it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make so my kids are being brought up by me and not strangers

Come again? Taxes aren’t some savings account so you can take a few years off when you fancy it. What am I even reading.

Working parents raise their kids too.

That's your choice, doesn't bother me personally but stop acting as if working parents don't care about their children, just because you are a SAHP doesn't mean you care more about your kids, it's a silly immature attitude.

Working parents raise their kids too.

They do, but in general they won't be spending as much time with them so they have less of an input.

I don’t want my taxes spent on shredding Palestinian kids to pieces, if you’re upset about supporting SAHM maybe also get upset about barbaric uses of public money.

Do you genuinely think working parents only work because their jobs are more important than their kids? If everyone did as you did then there’d be nobody to fund it, so maybe a bit of gratitude or humility rather than thinking you’re a superior parent to them?!

I can’t live “that way” either, as I can’t have children, so will spend my entire working life paying for people who think like you do.

So who is paying towards people who aren’t working?

Yes

I'm assuming the person stating this also relies on benefits to stay home?

But slightly different if their dp is providing

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing the work coaching is appalling in my experience. Granted it was over 10 years ago, although I can't believe much will have changed. From telling you that zero hour contracts paid you when there was no work, to a presentation with the coach standing in front of the screen the full session and another bullying claimants. Oh and of course telling me to apply for jobs that the computer matched my skills to vacancies available. All good to transfer skills, I'm never gtg a job as a nurse without a qualification, however many skills match.

Being a mum is a lot of work especially if you do most of the life admin. I do work but I can see why someone might find it all a bit much. Then when the kids are off sick or there's an issue at school its usually mum who deals with it. Then you've got husbands who work away, long hours and/or do little housework.

Plus if you've been out of work a while the options might not be so appealing.And some don't need the money.

So whilst I do work I 100% get why someone might not.

If the dr said there's nothing wrong with them, then she'd have no evidence to claim DLA for them. You're being a shit stirrer.

Who said I think that? And for the record I do have a job, I’m on Mat leave atm but have decided I’ll not be returning until my youngest is in school. I went back to work when my middle child was 4 months old last time, and 8 months with my first, so by your logic I have myself to be thankful to for my whole 18 months off work😂
my partner also works btw

it sounds to me like you’re projecting your feelings onto me + actually you think you’re superior to me because you work? I don’t think I’m better than you, I think you have a different view on life to me and that’s ok

So who is paying towards people who aren’t working?

Net contributors. I think that's only about 40% of people in the U.K. isn't it?

Hmm I disagree. Ok I work full nurse as a specialist nurse my kids are 9 and 14 but I still have to take and fetch them everyday in the car there and back. Cook etc. One has only just started meds for adhd she's 9 and we had to pay for that. Anyways I work from home start at 930 have an hour 3 til 4 for pick up and finish at 530. I clean my house and do the washing.but I work full time. Anyways my point is I do not want gk go back I lime doing this therefore I see how stay at home mums must feel and why they feel they need to stay home. I am also a single parent.

You implied that you don’t work because “some people value their kids more than money” - you absolutely think you’re superior to working parents.

My child is brought up by me and her father. The nursery staff look after her 730-5 three days a week, they aren't raising her.

By your logic, strangers are bringing up your children when they're at school.