Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

If a Mum for eg hasn’t been in work for years, I can imagine it’s hard to return when you’re considering childcare, working hours etc. People have their reasons for quitting work when they have kids but if you return to your job, you’re in a better position to negotiate your hours or be able to work around childcare, all this is harder when you’re applying for a job. I don’t think anyone should rely on benefits though just because it sounds/or is hard, it’s hard for everyone managing work, kids, the home but we do it, whether that be full or part time. We get stressed, we lose our shit daily before leaving the house in the morning but we do it because we have things we need to pay for, why should others pay because you simply can’t be assed.

As for the people who don’t work and don’t have the worry of kids and childcare, who knows. I get it’ll be daunting but it’s good to go out to work, focusing on something and leaving the house, having conversations with people etc. Unless you have a legit reason for not working, you should be working.

Does anyone really want to work?😅
i say that as a full time working single mum in a demanding job and wish i could afford to go part time.
i was on income support till my son was 5 (i had him at 18) but in that time was doing a degree through the OU. did the jc thing used them for help landed my dream job and they were really helpful.

my salary went up recently after completing a work based degree whereby now i no longer qualify for help with my childcare expenses through UC and the salary increase is just taken by that so there was absolutely no incentive really. More pressure same pay basically. Also if theres any more cost of living payments i wont be entitled to those which were a god send previously.
So i 100% understand women who dont want to work or work hours so they have to in order to still get certain benefits.
my son goes to breakfast club from 7:30 and i pick him up at 5:30-6pm from after school club and the guilt eats me alive that his days in school are sometimes longer than my days, unless im working till 7:30 then my sister will pick him up from after school club. Its a civil service job so i do have flexibility to wfh 1-2days but with the lack of staff currently its not a possibility. But yeh i would love to go part time and have been debating it if i would still get help the days i do need childcare or would get penalised by the JC or condensing my hours to 4 days.
Theres so much to consider when working a job thats not term time only and sometimes not working or working just enough is the only way people can get by.

It's like banging my head off a brick wall.

Yes. For some not working is a luxury. But certainly not for all. Some people literally have no choice in the matter and it smacks of privilege that you can't grasp that.

I am a SAHM for the last year, we have four kids and they rushing to get to childcare, work, collections, sports training's, dinner, homework, bedtime was just too much for us as a family so i gave up work and it was the best decision we made. We are not on any benefits and live a very comfortable life.

This is what my orignal post stated.

Work is a necessity.
Not working is a luxury.

Good luck with banging your head.

For me it's about confidence. I haven't worked for 5 years. Luckily I have a partner who works and earns well but we still have to top up a bit with UC because of our terrible rent. I feel A. Like an imposter B. Incapable of handling high stress situations like I used to. I have also always been very socially awkward which is heightened at work if I have a role that includes interpersonal relationships or lots of conversation. I'm so awkward it's awful, I'm terrible at small talk and always say the wrong thing. I take things very literally and have to have jokes explained to me like I was born yesterday. I have retrained in something that doesn't involve lots of people time and I'm looking forward to being peacefully self employed when the newborn is older!

Actually, I know three mums for whom giving up work was the financial necessity.

Long term it's obviously better financially for women to stay in work. But for these people, they didn't qualify for any help with their childcare, couldn't downsize any more, and after childcare costs they were taking a financial hit so bad it meant they couldn't cover all their bills with both parents working. Instead they scrape by on one salary until school starts, at which point they'll see whether they can get back to work or what the situation is.

It's different for every family, and to say that one way or the other is the "luxury" is very narrow minded.

To be fair I don’t like working. But I do because I have to, no one is paying my mortgage otherwise 🤷‍♀️

Some people value their children more than money? I for one don’t think I’ll be lying on my death bed thinking of all the jobs I’ve had or the money I made… people just have different perceptions of what life’s about

Also I get the same amount of money being a stay at home mum as I did when working 40 hours a week and missing out on my children’s first steps etc. to me it’s a no brainer

The thing is, in reality, it's not a job. It's parenting.

Yes, it's hard work looking after children all day. I'll be honest and say I'd rather work full time than be a SAHM (I work part time and love my days with her because of the balance). But it isn't a job to parent your own children.

Yet if someone looks after someone else's kids as a nursery assistant, nanny, childminder, then it's a job.

Lots of people get subsidised childcare, they go to work only for the taxpayer to pay a lot of their childcare bill anyway. I don't see much difference in a parent just staying home, doing it themselves and claiming benefits if that's what they need to do for a while when their kids are young.

Go tell that to the parents of severely disabled children who will never be able to work that not working is a luxury.

It's just sheer ignorance. Beggars belief.

I love my child. I do not want to care for other people's children.

Being responsible for other people's children is very definitely a job. Being responsible for your own choices is not.

Meh, why would I want two jobs? We all know that’s what happens. 😂

But I am completely self supporting so it’s nobody’s business!

Was just about to say this. It’s not a job because they’re your kids.

Caring for the elderly is a job, but looking after your own parents isn’t.

I have both worked as a SENd teacher, and now live with a SENd child - it’s very, very different.

This is why the system is broken.

The only reason you can do this and be this smug about it is because other people are going to work to pay for you. And you look down on them for not loving their kids as much as you do.

It boils my piss.

I love my child. I do not want to care for other people's children.

Being responsible for other people's children is very definitely a job. Being responsible for your own choices is not.

The point is that it takes hours each day to look after children, whether it's a job or not. If a parent wants to spend 9-5 doing that, as well as the other hours in the day, I think they should be able to. Instead parents go to work to be able to pay someone else to do it of often for taxpayers to pay for a lot of it anyway.

There is something wrong with the system if this is the case.

It’s not just the fact that they don’t want to work some get far more on benefits than they would working. I know someone who has 3 kids born before the cutoff and has got all 3 on DLA she also claims carers allowance and brings in over £3500 a month on benefits that is essentially 2 people’s full time wage on minimum wage. Why would she work. She goes abroad on holidays drives a car and has all day to sit on her backside.

It can only be an option if the household is earning enough money for one partner to stay at home. If you are solely dependent on the state then no, it isn't an option.

Yes it's not right

Do you think they all need DLA?

All day to sit on her backside with 3 disabled kids? I doubt it.

Your kids grow up eventually and if you have to start again in a shit paid job at a later stage in life it's not very fun.

they’re not disabled they can walk talk and see to themselves even down to making her cups of tea. They all have ailments that she’s pushed on them to act out.