Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

They certainly don't. 80% of the world's population don't have free healthcare. Free Primary education is more widespread but secondary still patchy. What I am saying is that people living on benefits in the UK are still far better off than most of the world's population who work for a living.

It's not a judgement it's a fact. People get trapped jumping through hoops to get benefits, there are cut offs where if you earn a bit more you lose out. You can't save on UC. Once you are in the system it's difficult to get out

Just using your examples, your prescription probably won't cover the cost of your meds, your dentist and optician private or otherwise will have been trained with help from government funds.
If you are earning under a certain amount - I think £45k, then you are not contributing enough to balance out your cost to the government.

I fully agree. That is why we need UC to top up many peoples earnings, as they are sadly not paid enough for the valuable work they do. I was pointing out the hypocrisy of many people.

I remember the sheer anxiety and terror I felt facing my first students after a year of maternity leave, it took a heck of a lot of confidence to put myself back out there and that was only 12 months. I’m imagining after years and years of a life at home, it would feel impossible to put yourself back out there into a workplace.

Let’s also not forget it isn’t straightforward actually getting a job in the first place. The women may have no qualifications and little work experience with a huge gap on their CV. If they’re going for PT retail roles, they’ll be up against teenage students who can be paid less for the same work and are younger so more malleable.

The point I am saying is that people get all that stuff for 'free' if they're on certain types of benefits.
I don't qualify for a penny, so I therefore have to pay.

Because we can’t afford to, we have a collapsing NHS and knackered infrastructure, all of which needs money.

If you are on a low wage there is obviously no point paying for childcare - ether one of you has a job and the other looks after the kids or you are both PT. Once the kids are at school then it makes sense for people to work, albeit not necessarily FT, and I’d say there needs to be better support.

There's an attitude on MN - "just get a job in Tesco", like these jobs are so lowly, anyone can walk into them. None of my kids got through the online application forms forTesco. They all had GCSEs, so not even unqualified.

Well for now yes - but think we need to look more broadly and why wages have stagnated so much - it’s nuts that a nurse should need lots of top ups (childcare support excepted obviously)

I think many people don't want to work (me included) but being a parent is one of the only ways in which a person can choose to avoid doing so. That's why it seems more common amongst mums.

She said herself that she has a long list of conditions and was a child in care. You’re of getting snappy at me because you assume that I mean something wrong. She said herself she has profound needs and has burnout. I also have a few of the same conditions and am worried about having a child incase they get removed.

Some people are in the position of being able to get jobs through personal contacts without going through recruitment processes. . I know a couple of women who each had four children, were at home until the youngest was half way through secondary, then got p/t jobs in local hospitality (think pub/restaurant/golf club). Pretty certainly through personal contacts.

Part of me is glad I just got piled on for my comment even though those replying didn’t realise I have a number of the same conditions and why I was asking

My mum was a sahm to us 4 kids she had no family support and childcare would have wiped out her earnings. They lived on dad's wages. As soon as my youngest sister was 16 mum got herself a job and works 3 days a week.

I chose a different life and had a job at 16, worked through college and uni and am now a working mum. I have a supportive dh who is an equal partner and am now at a stage where we can work around each other so dd2 never needed childcare. The flexibility in his job is worth more than gold because whilst I can pick and choose my days i cannot wfh and my hours are fixed. For dd1 and ds we did use childcare and those were leaner years but ultimately it was worth it as I was paying into my pension pot and I enjoy my job.

I work part time but am self employed and get paid well for the job I do. That gives me more choices than someone working fulltime on minimum wage. I wouldn't choose to work full time with 3 kids (unless necessary) as I like the work life balance that I have and to work more or less when I choose to. It would also mean a chunk of both dh's and my wages going on wraparound childcare which is expensive and I do not think it would benefit my family.

I am able to see beyond my situation and realise that if I was a single parent to my 3 with an ex with minimal input I would have to make different choices and my life would be a whole lot more stressful than it is now. To single out mothers is completely unfair when more often than not when relationships break down they are left with the children to care for.

This.

I'm getting ready to find work now after bringing up my two youngest now my DD has started Reception. I worked in publishing for 15 years then had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by psychotropic drugs. I was working as a freelance copywriter then was made redundant just after my concussion.

I'm terrified now to be totally honest. I always had "crises of confidence" at work before my ill health and not working. Now it feels horrible and I'm hating the thought of proving my worth again. I feel so awful, worthless, anxious, lacking in confidence that I think it will be a huge culture shock being out in employment. But needs must of course 🥺

I have a number of her conditions, I also have severe mental health issues and can’t work. I have numerous support workers and am getting a LOT of help to one day be as independent as possible and and manage my conditions. It sounds like fleeceyhat also has profound needs. I don’t know if help would be available for me to have children as well, I know they would probably be removed if I had one because I’m barely capable of looking after myself

It is often who you know with those jobs.

No.

No im not worried about my children being removed - there are no safeguarding concerns around them.

I had c sections under GA I wasn’t able to give birth naturally (in response to saying about pushing a baby out)

Why don’t you want mothers in the workplace? Rather a backwards attitude.

How do you manage day to day to meet their needs? I want a child of my own but I don’t know if there’s enough support available or if there’s things I can do to manage myself. It will be better when I have worked with my support workers and overcome a lot of the challenges but my autism will always be there.

Social services actually want to keep families together , I’ve had nothing but support and kindness from them. I had a social worker as a teenager for myself and when I had my first child I had an assessment and everything was fine. I haven’t had any contact with social services for years but what I did have was 100% positive.

I have a supportive family, gp and consultants . I use my PIP to have a cleaner and for other help so that I can manage. My dc are happy and healthy

Can you do your own thread about how you manage and your experience with social services? I think it would be really helpful

I get PIP so I’m able to pay for a lot of household help I have a cleaner and I also pay a babysitter to help me 2-3 a week and I have family members who help when needed.

I have a support worker who helps me with admin tasks via a local charity as well which has been extremely good as otherwise I struggle