Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

If you enjoy being a housewife this is fine as long as you have a husband / wife willing to support you, or a private income.

If that’s the case, you aren’t in the group the OP is talking about.

As ever, the things to keep in mind, is is there any possibility your money source could disappear (through death or divorce) and what would you do if so? And teenage kids generally prefer having parents who have their own interests - while teens need time and attention you will stifle them if you don’t also give them space, so will you volunteer if you don’t work etc.

It’s perfectly possible though to work and still be an involved parent.

I presume you didn’t have children out of a sense of duty to produce future taxpayers but because you wanted them?

Probably a lot to do with the fact they have a family to care for, these in itself is a full time job and you wonder how you’ll fit it all in. I’ve just started my own business and it is a lot to have your mind on.

My god. This is perhaps the most anti woman post I’ve seen on here for quite a while. How depressing.

Pretty much agree with everything there.

But our experience of supportive community networks especially with other school parents has been patchy. We've moved around a lot, which hasn't helped and despite doing a lot of volunteering myself I have found school parents networks to be cliquey in the extreme- parents at DS's last school complained his epilepsy was disruptive, which eventually lead to me being fired from my job.
In reality I think 2 parents working part time would work well if society could support this. Also less consumerism as a whole. A lot of things we think we are needing are infact to support a 2 wage lifestyle - second car, childcare, spending more on convenience food, commuting etc.

Exactly this whole thread is people getting their panties in a twist about something that barely happens anymore it's 2024 not 2004 you cannot claim benefits for more than two children and if you're unemployed you'll have regular meetings at the job centre to help you find a job.

Sorry to say but anyone still on the dole with kids in full time school it's probably more they can't get a job then they don't want to, because no employer will hire them because they're slow and it's obvious from talking to them for 10 minutes, I can think of a few people I know like this.

Being on the dole lazy with ten kids just isn't as common as it was 20 years ago stop watching outdated benefits Britain series 😂

It is definitely true, though, that statement.

Wow

How much do you earn? Do you earn enough for you tax contributions to cover yours and your DCs usage of the NHS, schools ect. Unless you do, you are taking more from tax system than you put in. So you would be a hypocrite to call someone lazy for taking from 'your taxes' when you are taking more from the tax system than you contribute. And by some people's logic, should not have had DC you cannot afford to raise. I do not actually believe this, I think our tax system should be in place to support everyone. But many on this thread do not.

when They get to older teens or leave home yes I might volunteer. Or start my own business. Not sure yet but it won’t be full time work I don’t expect

Wow… so those of us who work are giving in to the patriarchy, that’s a novel view!

See personally I thought I trained for 8 years to qualify into a career to be self sufficient so that regardless of my relationship status etc. I could look after my child. Working in a previously male dominated industry I thought I was sticking it to the patriarchy. Silly me - now I realise it was because the patriarchy wants my husband to stay home! Must pay more attention next time and work out a way he can give up work 😂

For what it’s worth there’s nothing wrong with stay at home parents of either gender - but raising kids is expensive and a family has to work out how to fund that appropriately. Everyone’s interpretation of “appropriately” is different, but so is every family.

I don’t buy the “benefits is harder” mantra as we have been properly broke whilst I was training. We lost money with me training and still had to run a household, raise a child etc. (all the stuff people say is a full time job!) on top of working at min 40 hours a week to be losing money on travel and childcare. It actively detracted from the family funds, meaning we had the same financial and household stresses as WELL as work and I don’t believe that’s less stressful than benefits. BUT I was lucky we had the credit available to finish, the eventual earning potential I have and we can now pay down the debts.

In my case yes he can't do pick ups as his work finishes at the same time school doesn't but it is a 45 minutes drive away.

You should be proud of yourself. I have always worked too, including when I was a single parent and I have passed that work ethic on to my children. I am nearing 70 now but still working (part time). Not because I need to now but it is part of my identity and I enjoy contributing in some way.
I suffered a terrible bereavement 5 years ago and became quite ill, but getting back to work became a goal and made me feel part of something again.

Which statement?

Or you were born at the right time. For example cheaper housing.

But raising children on benefits (in cases where the person doesn’t want to work/or lacks the skills to get back to work) isn’t the best way to produce lots of effective future taxpayers is it? It’s what produces generations of people who have never worked or work well below their ability level.

Having or not having children can be a lifestyle choice on an individual level - obviously it is because we know families are getting smaller and more and more people don’t have children at all. This is because we have more choices.

Of course the birth rate is too low, but the best ways to change that and produce effective future generations of workers, is affordable childcare for those who want / have to work with preschoolers, and good PT working policies for those with school age kids. I’m not generally one to cite the wonders of Scandinavian countries (they have their problems) but somewhere like Denmark manages this much better than we do. It can be done.

I do not have any dc. I take nothing from the state. I have to pay for everything. Repairs on my house. Dental. Eye tests. You name it I pay for it. No choice.

Hold up…do some mums like working?!

Road repairs? The police - your private force? A and e? Your own hospital if you ever needed emergency treatment?

So you were privately educated and have always used private health care?

People forget about the indirect benefits from the state. You most likely use the police force, intelligence services, defence, environmental health, public health programmes without noticing. It's the same with education, you most likely use state educated people to carry out your ete test, dental care and repairs.

Why not? Why can’t we support mums who want to look after their own kids instead of giving it to the childcare workers? It’s in the kids best intentions. Many other European countries have such policies in place.

I’m unable to work so get PIP, UC with LCWRA . It would cost the taxpayer a lot more if I pushed myself had autistic burnout or a physical crisis due to my other conditions and my children had to go into foster care. I’m pacing myself and managing my conditions for the benefit of my family

Well no, I don’t agree with the PP calling people ‘lazy’ - obviously it is far more nuanced than that, but it doesn’t make her a hypocrite.

If she works but earns less than 40k (which I think is the basic lifetime threshold for an average person putting in more to the tax system than they take out) she is doing work that needs to be done - whether she’s a nurse, or a school cleaner, or working PT around primary aged children. We as a society need people to do those jobs, we couldn’t function without them.