Do some mums just not like working?

[Dragontooth]

I know this sounds awful, and judgey but I'm trying to understand. I am not a benefit basher and I used to be on benefits, also a single parent.
I'm on a lot of 'being skint' forums, I was on UC but now I have quite a lot of experience in various things so I like to try to help.
There are a number of mums who were previously on legacy benefits who are terrified by UC and the work search appointments. Lots who are unemployed and some who do very part time jobs, 10 hours or less.
I don't understand why they are so resistant to finding work or better paid work. Having been on benefits, it is a horrible existence. I was paid £850 per month. Clearly it would only take a MW part time job to make me so much better off. And they pay for childcare/ holiday club.
It literally changes your life. You can pay for things to have a better, easier life like driving lessons. Not only that but you are back in the work place so it's not such a shock when your children leave home.
I feel these women are so anxious, they can't see how their lives could look with more money/ options. Not only that but a lot of them have their heads in the sand about retirement, will we even get a state pension? Then there's the fact that it's so much harder getting back into employment after five or ten years out, I think that's what UC wants to avoid. I'm not saying it's a kind or person centred system but in reality is taking years out of the workplace really in these women's best interests either?
Disability/ disabled children obviously excluded.

And often the people saying it are not net contributors, so take more than they put in themselves and are massive hypocrites.

I have no family nearby. Most parents I know manage by utilising grandparents which we can't do. So yeah I will choose to work less for a while and claim a top up.

Not having to work is a luxury.

I.e if you have the funds to sustain it.

I appreciate not being able to work when you need to is not a luxury.

I think people who pay taxes have a right to an opinion on those who could work but are choosing to live off state benefits.

I don't blame you. It's incredibly hard for a single parent to work full time or even a couple to both work full time without any type of family support at all. Even if you use paid childcare, what if you're late home from work, what if childcare is shut, what about sick days/inset days? If you're high earners, then you can throw money at the problem but if you're both low or average earners, it's a logistical nightmare.

It's not possible to choose to live off state benefits if you can work though.

The only people who don't have to look for work are single parents with kids under primary age, and people with disabilities that prevent them from working.

I definitely wasn't. I'm nearly £1000 better off per month working.

That is nice for you. Everyone's circumstances are different. I certainly am not!

Decades ago, income support was available until your youngest child was 12..., meaning that the state was basically fine for you to stay at home and not have to job hunt in order to claim anything for the entirety of your child's primary education. That was a very family friendly policy if you think about it and quite old school...

Firstly, by splitting workload of home and work with my DH. I married someone who aligned with my values. Discussions were had before we married or had kids about expectations and what we wanted from life.
He was happy to work and was happy for me to be home to do all of the joke / childcare. This suited me perfectly. For years before we had kids I worked long hours and we saved to get a deposit. He worked hard and I supported him to advance his career. (I was not too bothered about advancing mine further but had already got to a solid position)
Then kids came and his job was given a lot of priority alongside kids to advance and so he could earn a good wage to support us all.
We divided work and home. Home with 3 young kids close together is full on. I did it mostly alone during the week because to earn very well and advance means DH was out for long hours. I was fine with that because I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Now the kids are older I still want to be there for them as I previously put. Thankfully I can be.
We don’t have loads of luxuries. We manage a small holiday each year, have old cars and plenty could be done inside the house. But we have a decent size house in a lovely area and don’t struggle financially.
Its all about choices mixed with some luck. But a good portion is the life choices you make.

For me if I worked during the school days it would mean I wouldn’t be able to have hobbies, no.
Almost every other waking hour is taken with kids, what they need and their clubs. Two of them are do a lot of extra curricular activities in a particular field (they hope to make it a career) so that takes up both days of pretty much every weekend.

he is not wealthy - he earns well. What’s his is mine as we have split the workload. But we are not ‘wealthy’ IMO. Maybe that’s subjective I suppose

Again no. Can you really not appreciate that for some people being able to go to work is the luxury. Nothing to do with the financial aspect.

I've been a sahm for vast majority of my DC's lives... however I have briefly worked both full time and part time. No I couldn't have had hobbies... between work, the house and the kids, I had nothing else to give, even if I'd have the spare time, I was too shattered to do anything much else. How other women do it is beyond me....they must have a lot more energy than me.

Universal basic income might help with this. If everyone had enough guaranteed income to pay essential bills, they might be more keen to take up additional short term ad hoc roles. Our current system doesn't support that

If I were on benefits, all carefully budgeted, I'd be hesitant to give that up, come off benefits and risk the job falling through and having to start a whole new claim and wait for £ to come through

I suspect lots of folk on thus thread don't understand how precarious it feels when you're living hand to mouth

And, childcare is a barrier for some, especially eg single parents trying to get shift work in care homes

No I don’t, I mean stable. He was 18 when we met with not a penny to his name! I can assure you, he was not wealthy! No job and no degree because he was only 18, same as me! By stable I mean we didn’t rush into having kids in the first 6 months. We spent years being together and living together to make sure it was going to last before having children.

Shit - why didn't we just think of this? Such a practical and simple solution

I think we seem to forget that looking after small children is hard work too and a very important job in itself.

So I don't blame women who feel they can't combine work and young children.

I also think that so many employers are really rigid and are failing to champion part-time/term time/home working. If there were more flexible jobs then single parents would find it easier to work.

I work but I have a long term health condition and finding a decent employer that offers flexible/remote working and treat disabled people with respect is not an easy task...

''@Overtheatlantic · Yesterday 21:22
@Fleeceyhat · Yesterday 21:08
I don’t work because of my own health difficulties and trying to manage a large family. It would stress me out because it would overwhelm me and would then affect my parenting so I dont Work in order to manage and pace my life to avoid autistic burnout
So you have made those choices in life that affect me and my taxes?''

Autism is not a 'life choice'.

No wonder so many of us with long term mental health/behavioural issues face discrimination in the workplace/life with such toxic beliefs.

It is not work that I don't like, it is often the workplace and how I am treated there...

Depends on kids ages. Mine is 16 now and doesn't want me around every second so I've got plenty of spare time for hobbies.

Unless you're earning a huge whack you'd still get benefits. I earn £26k and still get UC.

I’m going to play devils advocate here and before anyone comes for me, I work 20 hours a week and husband full time. I had at one point been on job seekers allowance in the past so I know what it feels like to some degree.

I think a lot of the problem is breaking the cycle of the generations above you. I find that some people can have this attitude of not going into work purely because that’s all they’ve ever known.

However, I don’t think there’s many jobs out there suitable for the school hours and it was a nightmare when I was looking myself. Childcare options aren’t very flexible or cheap for those under 4 too.

I find these sorts of threads quite sexist and bring out the worst in people.

My dc are also older now too. To be honest, even before I had children, a full time job wiped me out 😂Although in those days there was no such thing as working from home so it was a long commute five days a week.

And the childcare element makes a massive difference each month. I work 16 hours so income isn’t that much at all. Especially if there’s a month that I work barely any hours

I’ve never been on benefits but I would love to never had to work a day more of my life! I work full time, in a corporate job and I find it soul destroying. As well as the struggle with everything life admin, school runs, activities, planning food and cooking, cleaning etc, it’s a lot! So I do understand mums who do not want to work but at the same point I don’t think it ethically correct to live off benefits if you are able to work

Up at 5 during the week, 6:30 at the weekend, no alcohol during term time - that is how I do it.

Obviously understand the logistical complexities of juggling childcare and work, I’m in the same boat. But the system allows people to then keep having kids meaning they can be off work and get paid for it. Meanwhile I’m sat here like a mug thinking about how we’re going to afford a second child.
I truly get why people stay on benefits and honestly in their position I’d do the same, life is about survival and you do what you can. I’m just a little bitter about the whole situation. I’d love to be off work and be able to raise my kids without those added pressures.