Is it possible to be 43 and NOT be perimenopausal

[Improbablywrong]

I don’t have any symptoms except that I feel more agitation around my period. Always been like that actually but just a little worse, although we do have other stresses.

Not a single other symptom. My periods are regular as clockwork and have not changed in anyway. I had a blood test done recently and all came back normal.

And yet every single friend I have (same age as me) is talking about perimenopause as if it’s 100% definitely that we are all in it and it is to blame for everything. Bad day at work? Perimenopause. Did a big fart? Perimenopause. Itchy armpit? Perimenopause.

I can’t relate and I find it kind of catastrophising very normal things. When the real symptoms come, how will they feel then? When I say oh no, I don’t think it’s perimenopause as I don’t have symptoms, they’ll list all these things that I don’t think are symptoms.

so, is it possible to actually NOT be perimenopausal as soon as you hit 40?

I have noticed the same, annoys me!

I think it's sometimes they don't realise what it actually is - the "menopause" is once periods have stopped, the "peri menopause" is when you start to have all the changes and symptoms. I think some think "peri" is a sort of "intro" stage before they get all the hot flushes etc that they are defining as the menopause itself. If that makes any sense??

I know people who are insistent they are in peri - who cares really?! The gp isn't going to give you some magic cure for your brain fog.

Ok but running with your cancer comparison - when you sit down for coffee with your friend and say “my husband was really thoughtless today and I lost my rag which I don’t normally do” do they say - it must be cancer? They don’t.

Equally with a less extreme comparison - “i can’t sleep lately”. My cohort at the moment would immediately say it’s your hormones, rather than - are you stressed / drinking a lot of coffee? If you’re a woman over 40, it’s a catch all. I’m not heard, and the problem remains except now I think I have some other health issue and my friend thinks they have done a good job of educating me.

We CAN have a grown up conversation. The above, and real life experiences I’ve had, are not grown up conversations and the way this is trickling down in most cases leads to other women dismissing those who simply do need to cut their caffeine back for example.

My mother in law is 56 this year and has no menopause symptoms

I’m not saying we don’t talk about it either. We do need open dialogue. But open dialogue that isn’t about invalidation.

I was peri from 55 to 57 (when menopause occurred). Now "post menopause" at 60 things are easing off.

You can be peri with few symptoms and having regular periods... I was for the first year. But too much gets blamed on the menopause, and too many conditions (heart disease in particular) get missed in women because "menopause".

Exactly. There are so many symptoms that can be attributed to perimenopause that it can be just as dismissive a concept as anything else to do with women's health.

I don't bounce back like I used to—hangovers last longer and feel worse, a bad night's sleep makes me look ten years older, slacking off from exercise, or eating badly for a couple of weeks makes my muscles turn to porridge.

I could list all the "symptoms" that have resulted from poor lifestyle choices and you could easily attribute them to perimenopause (and send me off to demand HRT from my GP) when what I really need is to stop being such a feckless cunt.

Am 40 and feel like I’m being bombarded with perimenopause messaging / accounts / reels on social media. It makes me feel like I must be! But my cycle is regular.

I have noticed PMS is worse - including big hormonal shift around ovulation is much more pronounced than it used to be. And I get insomnia. So maybe maybe verrrrrry subtle hormonal changes?! But probably not full peri.

I don't bounce back like I used to—hangovers last longer and feel worse, a bad night's sleep makes me look ten years older, slacking off from exercise, or eating badly for a couple of weeks makes my muscles turn to porridge.

But men friends say this too - some of it's just getting older, not getting older as a man/ getting older as a woman.

I agree I was regular ! But started perimenopause symptoms age 44 they crept in at that age not horrible symptoms but annoying ones and u can’t always put your finger on why ! Started hrt 44 I’m 48 now and some symptoms getting worse like hormonal acne joint pain and irregular periods now so it’s time I think to adjust my hrt .

Maybe your friends are trying to either reassure you that any issues you have aren't unusual or life threatening or maybe they like the whole 'we're in this together' vibe? Or maybe they're just annoying tossers, who knows?

I think the thing with peri is that it’s insidious- by the time you realise it’s here, it’s probably been dragging you down for a while, bit by bit.

But I do agree with this ^. I look back and think I was OK up until about 52/53 ish. Then I remember that for about five years before that my periods gradually became horrendous - still very regular but having to empty a mooncup every hour leading to anaemia which meant I felt tired all the time.

Then they just stopped and I thought yey, then the night hot flushes immediately started and I began losing hair and I started getting random muscle aches and I don't think I've had a decent night sleep for around 14 months. Mentally I feel fine but I don't think the lack of sleep is good for me long term. Currently summoning up the energy to go and see the GP about HRT.

But yes I think it's perfectly possible to not be perimenopausal at 43.

That's exactly my point—it's not perimenopause, it's atrophy.

Thanks @UnaOfStormhold

Can I ask what the niggling problems that cleared up were?

I have many symptoms but not sure I'd related to peri.

Well I'm 42 and I have a 7 month old so I doubt I'm in peri. My periods are also regular.

None of my friends are talking about peri yet, I'd imagine it's another 5 years away for me at least since my mother didn't go through the menopause until she was in her 50s.

Hopefully I won't have many symptoms anyway, my mum had none and my sister is going through a medically induced menopause without symptoms.

When I was 43 I thought my symptoms might be perimenopause. I was actually pregnant.

I got to 47 and it hit me like a truck. I didn’t so much as get hot flashes but felt like I was set on fire and stayed like that for days. The insomnia, anxiety, itchy skin and ears, unbearable and unmanageable heavy periods. Then it all stopped apart from the horrific periods. Since then the symptoms seem to come in waves.

I’ve been putting off getting HRT due to the increasing amount of migraines I’ve been getting. But, I’ve got to a point where I’ve gone from having the patience of a saint to everyone irritating the life out of me. I feel like I’ve changed a lot but I just didn’t notice it happening until now, it’s quite weird. I’m very jealous of anyone whose sailing through without any issues.

48 here and just this year I have started noticing my periods becoming irregular. No other symptoms yet. 43 is quite early!

A friend of mine is still having regular periods at 58 - I doubt she’d have been perimenopausal at 43.

I never noticed any peri-menopausal symptoms, barely noticed any menopausal ones either. Not everyone suffers, and I agree with pps regarding all the hype about it and how it is thrust down our throats that every little thing is because of meno.

To answer the question I believe you can be 43 nowhere near the menopause if fortunate enough to be symptomless and with no gynae problem.

My own mum had hysterectomy early 50’s after heavy bleeds caused by a polyp / suspected cancer at the time being told afterwards no where near menopause but aware her mum was done at 39 and most of my aunts were earlier my mum stuck up for me and said very early on was my fibroid and lack of periods or being erratic meaning a menopause situation to which she was told to be quiet sadly. Yes by a gynaecologist. I just wish someone had spared me the misery of over 12 months gynae doing nothing or said sooner a fibroid at this time of life means this . . . So yes I don’t want to be in the women’s not talking of the 1950’s.

I have no friends prepared to talk menopause and even as far as a coil at this time so support groups it has to be.

Left with a gynae problem not treated, I have no shame in pestering my GP for HRT which has been the only real treatment for a fibroid worth having when they can’t remove so grateful to be in my 40’s and with an assumption made.

To my mind they are using the menopause label the same as when someone with a bowel problem can’t get a diagnosis so they say it’s IBS. I don’t have any flashy description to give of my fibroid such as it’s ohh blocking the spine / bowel / bladder just sat in muscle currently and so not touchable so in that sense yes I hope menopause hurries up and clears it out.

@JustLaura anxiety and mood swings were the surprise for me - I had thought that was just how life was until I started to take HRT and felt better. It's possible that they weren't directly caused by peri rather than indirectly being a result of peri insomnia, but I can feel the difference if I forget a dose.

Of course it is possible.

I'm not suggesting others don't go through it at this age but I also think that some of the time it can be low iron or thyroid related. I know a woman who said she started peri at 38 as she suddenly started getting forgetful and smelling of potatoes (yes, really). Of course I am not her so I wouldn't know entirely but she's passed it off as peri when it could well be something else.

MN would have you believe that everyone starts peri at 38/40, has horrendous symptoms for many years until menopause hits and things go even more downhill. Of course, SOME have this experience. But many, many do not.

I think this is the main issue. It means that women’s emotions and reactions to things can be minimised and brushed off. This doesn’t happen for men. If a man is angry, he has a reason to be. If a woman is angry, she is either due on, hormonal from pregnancy or in perimenopause

While that sounds miserable in some ways, late menopause is directly linked to longevity - so I think I'd be quite happy tbh.

I'm 42 and have night time itching and ankle pain. I need to the see the GP to discuss but never have the time and it's not really that bad yet tbh.

I do have some sympathy for this view. I think people expect to never have an ache or pain these days - and that's just not being human. The people who really suffer can't work/ become seriously mentally ill etc (my mum was very unwell mentally for two years)

@Ladymuck2022 Not sure if this will help in any way but I had a fibroid. It rectified itself after about 2 years and in total I probably had it for 3 years. The hospital said they wouldn't remove it anyway as it was only a few cm x a few cm in size and I was told they shrivel up as you age anyway. I am peri. I do have the odd heavy periods but nothing like when I had a fibroid.