School banning banter

[Citrusblast92u]

DS is in year 11. They had a whole school assembly yesterday's entitled 'banning bants', this includes banter between friends. One strike and they're in detention, 2 and they have to attend a workshop, 3 and parents have to attend the workshop, 4 and the police are called.

I asked him what they meant by bants and he said anything that anyone might find offensive. His mates have spent many hours at our house. They're a lovely bunch of lads, very polite and kind but their main form of communication with each other is piss taking.

Just after some opinions really rather than an AIBU.

Yabu-banter should be banned
Yanbu-they can't ban banter

This

Many years ago I worked for a charity supporting refugees. Many of the conflicts involved had refugees from both sides, plus there were people of all sorts of religious and political beliefs.

The policy was that respectful discussion and debate was encouraged.

But the point at which someone was hurt or offended was the point at which the discussion/debate had gone too far.

The initial response was simply to say that it had gone too far, and shouldn't happen again, an informal conversation. But if it continued to happen there would be consequences.

Yes, if the person involved finds it funny. Otherwise no.

Gosh, what a terribly sanitised vanilla world we live in now. My nephew was (and still is) carrot top ginger. He was regularly told by his school mates to get back in your biscuit tin ginger nut. He’s now 25 and has the same mates, he got married a few months ago and his best man still ribbed him about his ginger hair during the best man’s speech. Guess what…we all laughed.

Please let’s not ban all good humoured ridicule, that would be awful. Proper bullying needs to be tackled but playful banter is a wonderful way to connect with people.

I think I am not a banterer by nature but this is totally the kind of stuff my DH would find funny.
I think if you are all enjoying it, then there's no problem.

A lot of banter I’ve heard is homophobic, mocks disability, sexist etc. I mean it’s probably ot a bad thing to ban the bantz. They are going to have to learn how to behave on different situations, may as well start now, what they do at home etc is up to them. Doesn’t mean they can’t be funny or have a joke around.

So humiliating someone for a bad haircut, big nose or short stature is fine?

That's what I would call bullying.

Banter is where everyone is enjoying it. Not one person being humiliated for everyone else's enjoyment

That isn’t playful for many ginger haired people and would impact the self esteem of many.

And what characteristics did his 'friends' have that were endlessly ridiculed in the way his hair colour was?

Errr ribbing and mocking shouldn’t be part of everyday life.

Morning you benders, hop in the mingemobile 😂. Love that series.

Exactly. Bullying dressed up as banter.

If you don't find it funny then you have 'no sense of humour'.

If it is harmless and mutual it won't be reported. If it is reported the bullies can't hide behind 'it was just bantz'

A sensible policy

Oh poor you. I'd take it further. Banter is often bullying, plain and simple

This is why previous generations had a more enjoyable life.

This banning of banter is reaffirming to children that hurty words are something to get upset about and take to heart.

Children need to be resilient and this is going to lead to some children being malicious and making false accusations.

I also think it’s going to make some children very afraid and nervous about making friends and having conversations especially the many that are now neuro divergent and struggle already with communication.

I feel incredibly sorry for children nowadays.

My son was horribly bullied under the 'it's only banter' excuse. It left him depressed, anxious and suicidal. All because he's different.

The homophobic ableist banter that my ND son was subjected to and had to hear consistently in the school corridor was not enjoyable and he is still having to deal with the impact of it on his MH.

And yes he too was left suicidal.

Well it is as it’s dealt with harshly in the work place. No place of work would allow the banter many kids are subjected to.

In my last workplace we had training from HR about a new policy in place. They didn't ban 'banter' as such but you had to be mindful of how you speak around others, particularly in the staffroom, and staff were well within their rights to make an official complaint if they were offended by something someone said

I’m sick of this ‘’it builds resilience’’. It absolutely does not build resilience it’s a load of absolute nonsense used to justify it. Building resilience is about building people up to become confident, comfortable people, so they handle adversity such a bullying that might come their way in the future, but making people resilient doesn’t involve mocking them regularly, in fact that’s known to make them less resilient.

If a person is ALREADY resilient, they are likely to take less offence at being mocked, but nobody knows what goes on in somebody else’s life, perhaps that mocking comment someone makes thinking it’s hilarious will be the final straw for someone going through bad times elsewhere in life.

If you go through life mocking people for your kicks and think people don’t have a sense of humour if they don’t like it, something is wrong with YOU, not them.

Exactly this!

This. Exactly. You can't ban it, that's ridiculous and is limiting free speech. Plus banning anything that someone might find offensive is definitely limiting free speech, and is getting into very dangerous territory. There's always someone who will find something offensive. And free speech is an essential tenet of democracy. It's also very important that free speech is not limited in educational settings as it limits debate and the development of critical thinking skills.

I was a victim of bullying. It's left me with long term mental health issues, one of which is serious. I therefore feel very strongly that bullying should be stamped out and schools should have a zero tolerance policy to it. Banter can stray into bullying, and bullying can be passed off as banter but they are two very different things. Banning banter is using a hammer to crack a nut, and limiting free speech in the process. Deal with the problem. Don't make a problem for everyone when the issue is with the few, and don't limit the rights of everyone because a few are misbehaving.

Well said. The "building resilience" nonsense is pretty close to victim blaming.

And also wtf to "4 and the police are called"

The police are not going to give two shits about "banter" unless it strays into hate speech, in which case it's not banter!

I am not sure about the calling the police, but the rest I agree with, as a guide to how you should behave after leaving school.

Only if they are ok with it otherwise it’s bullying.