School banning banter

[Citrusblast92u]

DS is in year 11. They had a whole school assembly yesterday's entitled 'banning bants', this includes banter between friends. One strike and they're in detention, 2 and they have to attend a workshop, 3 and parents have to attend the workshop, 4 and the police are called.

I asked him what they meant by bants and he said anything that anyone might find offensive. His mates have spent many hours at our house. They're a lovely bunch of lads, very polite and kind but their main form of communication with each other is piss taking.

Just after some opinions really rather than an AIBU.

Yabu-banter should be banned
Yanbu-they can't ban banter

I agree it will be difficult to police, there’s no way they are going to stop every student calling their mate a dickhead, but if they don’t put a blanket ban in place then it can be open to interpretation I suppose, and whether or not the person it’s aimed at takes offence or not, banter involves saying unpleasant things to others. They’re in school for 6 hours a day, can they not refrain from it for that long? I think the school will probably use common sense discretion. Teachers tend to know if something is playful between mates and whether the target is upset or not.

Well it can easily be open to interpretation. Yes, the grey area between harsh banter and bullying may be dealt with by a ban, but a blanket ban means the policing of normal conversation - banter threshold. When does normal chat become banter? So the ridiculous extension of that is banning conversation in case it strays into banter.

Educate kids on what is good natured fun banter, and where that bleeds into bullying. Banning banter is just overreach by the school and punishing many for the actions of a few. Collective punishment.

Well as the parent of a child who repeatedly had to put up with and listen to homophobic “banter” I applaud it.

It probably comes from every bullying little arsehole claiming ‘’I wasn’t bullying, Miss, it was just banter, init?’’ 🤣. But yes, maybe you’re right and they need educating on the difference between banter and bullying. Funnily enough though, bullies don’t tend to give a shit, so perhaps that’s why it’s got to this point.

Fun for who?

Nobody should have to put up with teasing remarks. And actually teasing remarks done a lot is actually bullying.

For example, one of the chaps I work with has the nickname ‘Sutcliffe’ after the Yorkshire ripper, because he looks like him. He regularly gets reminded of this and girls at work are jokingly told to stay away from him, he even introduces himself as ‘Sutcliff’ and feeds the banter willingly. We also have an ex cabin crew lady and when it comes to coffee breaks, she gets told to get back to the day job and make the coffee, she 100% finds it funny and banters right back. For me, it’s a joy to work with these people. We read each other well and the banter flows. It’s funny, that’s all I can say.

‘’Bantz’’ and bullying is not the correct way to teach resilience at all. Treating people like crap never teaches resilience. Nurturing someone to be self confident fosters resilience, letting someone know they have support should they need it, etc.

But do you actually know every single person enjoys it or are people just putting up with it because it's "banter" and the way things are in the office... it's very hard to stand up against "the bants" without getting eyerolls or being labelled as dry or not being able to take a joke, and from what you've said about your workplace so far I imagine that's exactly what would happen if someone did ask for it to stop!

I work in a funeral home and there is 7 of us. Every single one of us enjoy our work environment together and regularly socialise at weekends. We have a laugh. It’s as simple as.

@MyUmberSeal so if you had a new team member who had been raped, do you think that would go down well.

Do you encourage your DC to use 'banter' to tell females to make the coffee, or do you only use that mindset in your team?

I think it's right that they educate the students about how banter can be, and often is, inappropriate.

I knew of a group of close teen male friends who used to banter each other. They were of mixed ethnicity (inner london) and used to all 'jokingly' call each other names that we would label racist and ableist.

It was all 'bantz' until one got in trouble for something unrelated and told the staff he was being racially bullied by his friends.

There was a huge investigation, parents called in, boys heavily sanctioned (they all remained friends after this I might add). The teachers luckily recognised it for what it was, and that all the boys were as bad as each other, but I agree that the boys did need educating about what is and isn't appropriate, even amongst friends.

I think the school banning banter is their somewhat simplistic way of trying to pre-empt having to deal with the fallout. If banter is banned, then there won't be these issues ( I mean of course the kids will all carry on regardless, but will be less likely to report comments to the staff as they'll get into trouble themselves for taking part, which is win-win for the school staff).

Rubbish. You can and schools do for good reason. It’s always the same kids giving out and the same receiving.No child should have to put up with teasing re how they look, present or anything. Those who are incapable of socialising without teasing others need to learn better methods. And as regards resilience.🙄

I’d love to know how kids engage in banter that isn’t focusing on looks, presentation, gender…. It always is and as a result is ableist, homophobic, misogynist or just down right unkind.

Well, if no-one is hurt then no-one will report the conversation.

If someone is hurt then it means the others can't hide behind 'it was only banter' when it is reported.

It sends a clear message that 'banter' is not a get out clause for bullying.

And what about the bullies who say 'it was just banter' when challenged?

Whaaaaat?!?

I'm a teacher and I quite enjoy the banter with my Y11 classes! I join in. It's kept respectful and light hearted, and often linked to what we're learning about.

So it's a good thing I'm not a teacher at that school as they would have had my parents in and the police called already this week!

What a ridiculous policy!

The most recent problem with banter we've had in our school is around insulting people's family members! It has caused huge issues, we've had to increase the sanctions for it!

As I said, if it is light hearted for everyone involved then it won't be reported and won't get consequences.

The policy will kick in when 'banter' is not light hearted for everyone I.e. when it has become bullying

I think people's definition of banter might vary.

Any policy that protects children isn’t ridiculous. 🤔

@TwinklyAmberOrca can you give examples?

Well had a similar thing at work. We can banter between ourselves but have to be aware of our surroundings. We can get in trouble if someone over hears and is offended

If protection from being teased re your family and how you look, present, speak etc is sanitised so be it.