Making packed lunch

[Crystallizedring]

This has come up quite a few times in our house and wondering if I'm mean or unreasonable. It's mostly light hearted.
Since day 2 of secondary school my DDs have been responsible for sorting out their lunch for school/college, either taking in food or buying food but even now they tell me friends still get their lunch made for them. Some of these kids are 17!
I thought they were winding me up but have actually had it confirmed by parents that they make packed lunch. So I'm wondering if I'm unreasonable to say no, do it yourself (or take money in).
I am a SAHM for our youngest (4) with additional needs so I could do it but it's one less thing if they do it. DH also does his own lunch event though apparently everyone he works with has a wife who does it.
So do you make packed lunch for your kids at college or secondary school?
YABU you should make your kids packed lunch
YANBU they should make it themselves.

Mine all just had money on their fob in secondary school to buy food at school. If they wanted pack lunch I probably would have had them make it themselves! I did make them a good breakfast though 😋

You seem v prickly about it. Guessing it’s been a hot potato in your house?

My child just wouldn't eat if I didn't sort him one, he'd just say I'll be fine I'll eat later so yes I make him something literally takes 2 minutes to make a sandwich an just chuck fruit crisp an drink into a tub for him. Atleast then I know he's had something.

@Tbskejue yeah I get it but oldest has adhd/asd so it's not as straightforward- needs constant supervision so easier to just do it then supervise him at weekends/hols. Middle can make his own sometimes does but has phases of fancying himself a chef wanting extravagant creations or opposite and is lazy and would just take crisps haha. Youngest mostly has school dinners but on school trips she is keen to choose her own and help so I suspect as she gets older she will make her own.

My DS decided in Y6 that he wanted a packed lunch instead of school meals (they changed the recipes and menu and he didn’t like the food). At the age of 10/11 he was perfectly capable of pulling together a half decent packed lunch and it’s a great time to start them being a bit independent.

He is 19 now and doesn’t rely on Mummy to feed him.

I think the point is op can't be arsed to make her kids sandwiches when they can do it themselves.

@Jellybeanz456 yes this too! Once my mum stopped making my lunches prob about year 8 - is about when I stopped properly eating lunch, start of an eating disorder then and also why I'm up and downstairs in the mornings so I can see mine have eaten breakfast before they leave as I also didn't eat breakfast at secondary school and my mum never knew as I was crafty.

I think it’s great for your DDs’ independence and learning to do things for themselves. Good for you!

why mean? They may not be capable of cooking, but at least they can manage a sandwich.

I hate making packed lunches and stopped when mine went to secondary school.

I've never known pack lunches to be routinely given to kids over about 14. Of course they can just make a roll, grab some fruit and crisps so really at secondary age they should do their own.

But some people like making lunches for kids and partners, if they're doing their own. Or just to be nice. But you certainly shouldn't feel obliged.

I quite like making sandwiches and stuff but as noone works or goes to school I only really make them if someone's going out for the day or away overnight/on holiday. Not that they would expect me to.

My daughter decided she wanted a packed lunch in p5 so she has done it since then. She gives us a list (we get our groceries delivered) to add to the regular shop and packs the same thing every day by choice.

My son is p4 now and wants to pack so we are letting him do it twice a week for now. He will have our help the first few weeks and then it's his responsibility (though we will try to remind him and make sure he does it).

My husband and I both work full time and I usually leave before anyone else in the morning so I'm not adding anything to my list!

Made them for mine until they were approx 8 and 10 (junior school). I was floored with a really nasty bout of flu for well over a week and they chipped in and made their own lunches then with DH supervising. I never restarted as they were perfectly capable, unless doing them a favour as running late or needed to be in extra, early etc.

Making own lunch developed into managing own budget later on... Once at about y9 secondary they got an allowance rather than pocket money - this was to cover any school lunches they wanted, social life outside the clubs we paid for, half of friend's birthday presents, extra clothes over and above the school uniform plus casual and smart clothes we thought they needed. I always had plenty of options bought in for packed lunch, and they could request packed lunch items to be added to the shopping. Both mostly chose to save their cash for extras outside school, but sometimes had a school lunch on a Friday, or an occasional chippy lunch once in sixth form and allowed off the premesis at lunchtime. We were one of the closest homes to the school in both DC friendship groups, so I'd often get in to a dining room full of students eating lunch, drinking our coffee and working - DC often had a free before or after lunch so chose to come home to eat and study.

I never packed lunches for my kids once they were secondary age, but only because after that they always bought lunch. That is UNTIL covid. My youngest's last year in school was 2020-2021 and lunches were so crazy with all the covid rules that he prefered just bringing a packed lunch. So yes, I packed his lunch for him during his last year of school when he was 17. I've never packed my husband's lunch though.

My dds have been making their packed lunches since Year 5. They wouldn’t have the school dinners an we both worked. The deal was, if they weren’t going to have the school lunch they’d make their own.

I must admit I do make my DS16's lunch but I'm happy to do it and he appreciates it. He's pretty busy getting ready in the mornings and I have the time so I don't mind. He does lots of good things and helps so he's not lazy.

Lots of differences then. I'm not going to start making lunches again was just curious. I obviously buy what they need for packed lunches or give them money. So they do need to decide in advance what they're having but pretty good at that.
Thing is yes I could make them but have been surviving on about 4 hours sleep a night since DS was born ( due to his additional needs) so I have the time but not the energy.for anything extra.

I do packed lunches for the following day at lunch time. I make for DH, DS17, DS14 and younger ones get FSMs. It's not a hardship if making for several at once. I don't mind.

My DC used to help make their packed lunches at primary school, once they went to high school I left it up to them to do their own, obviously I would buy suitable things to include - they also had a monthly allowance on a school meals payment card which was the equivalent of one meal a week or 2-3 days toast or similar for when they overslept/forgot/couldnt be bothered! If they’d spent it all too son then they would just go
hungry

Mine made theirs from 12, in fact my youngest asked for for her lunch money as a monthly allowance and rather than buy food at school she bought ingredients and made lunches to take, much fancier than sandwiches!

Dd is in the last year of primary and has been making her own lunch since 2020 when she refused to eat the free school meals during covid (as there was no hot meal option and the cold option was rubbish) I said she could have packed lunches but the deal was she made it herself. She's never gone back to school meals even though they are free in Scotland apart from the last 2 years of primary so that just remained the deal. I'd certainly not be making for a high school age child unless there is asn or as another currently running thread - a 17 year old with a previous eating disorder. That's fair to make sure they are getting a meal they will eat but otherwise definitely should be doing it themselves!

We have household jobs not individual jobs. When it comes to meals we eat together. I don't want to encourage someone to sort themselves out to the exclusion of the others. Maybe when both my dc are at secondary then they can take it in turns to sort the pack lunches. For now I tend to make a pile of sarnies whilst doing something else, they get wrapped up and then the earlier part if the weeks sandwiches are done. Dc can then assemble their own lunch. I include my secondary age DS in this.

But irs neither reasonable nor unreasonable its just how you organise chores.

Another mean mum here. My DD is only 5 so I do hers but we take in a teen every year to learn English and they have to make their own. I stand over them for the first couple of weeks to review what's going in and I bring them to the supermarket to choose sandwich fillings, fruit and yogurt.

If mine was only just in secondary I'd still make them. But getting on age probably 14 they could do it themselves. College absolutely not. If your DH is making his own I don't see it much of an issue to make x3 instead of x1 though. I suppose similar that they could all help one another and take turns.

I get the impression some people think the "make their own" posters are just sitting around with their feet up.

DDs are the only people in the house that need packed lunch. They do it in the evening while I'm doing something like clearing up dinner things, or working. The house "rule" is that the more we work together, the more fun time we all have.

At the same time, I do think making their own lunch gives them a bit of autonomy... choosing a wrap vs pasta vs bread, or cheese vs ham vs chicken, whether to have cucumber or carrot sticks, or apple vs grapes...