To feel a bit conflicted about declining a kind invite while travelling?

[Kindkitty]

I’ve just arrived in Lille for a short break and while getting off the Eurostar, I met a lovely woman from London who’s also here. We walked to our hotels together and exchanged numbers. Out of the blue, via text, she just invited me to join her tomorrow night for an aperitif at her hotel’s rooftop bar (her treat) and then to head out to dinner together.

Here’s the thing - I already have plans for tomorrow night that I’m really excited about and I’m not keen on changing them. Part of me feels a bit guilty though for not accepting her friendly gesture, especially since we just met, and it’s rare to click with someone so quickly while travelling solo.

AIBU to politely decline, or should I try to fit this in somehow? Would you feel bad turning down such an invite?

Of course yanbu to decline. Why don't you suggest meeting up the day after instead?

Just say 'I can't do tomorrow evening, but are you free on X day?'

Politely decline. You don’t know her and really don’t owe her anything.

You already have plans, don’t change them for a stranger.

"Sorry, I'm busy at that point. Does XXXX work?"

Why on earth would it be unreasonable to decline?

Tell her you can't make it. This all sounds a bit odd to me. I wouldn't be going. Not to some random's place (who I'd just met on a train.)

Giving me the collywobbles just thinking about it actually. You don't know who this person is.

I wouldn’t go either

Yeah it’s a bit forward isn’t it. I was slightly taken aback when I got the text tbh. I think she’s just being kind and maybe possibly a bit lonely. But yeah……. 🤣

I must be odd too. I'm always making friends with randoms while travelling.

I mean I wouldn't go to their basement for drinks driven there in their blacked out van. But a rooftop drink at a hotel? Yes.

The thing is, I actually have plans for the following night too, I plan my solo holidays schedules pretty well and find things to do etc, so wouldn’t really be able to meet

If solo travelling, I'd welcome this but I wouldn't change plans, I'd just see if she was available another time. Why exchange numbers if you think a social invite is odd?

Yeah, I think it’s a pretty nice hotel too. I usually make friends with random while travelling too, I admit I’ve never had an invite like this though, at least not from another woman haha

If you have plans already, then of course you decline. Don’t change your plans for someone you’ve just met and may never see again!

Well we said we would keep in touch and compare notes! It’s not so much I think it’s odd, it is more that I do have plans throughout really

I guess I just wasn’t expecting a social invite so forwardly perhaps

How could it have been out of the blue when you’d just exchanged numbers? Did you feel pressured into swapping details?

Some people pick up new friends all over place. If you don’t want a new friend, say you’ve got plans. But you said you’d clicked with her, so why not have a quick drink with her, or invite her to join your plans, or arrange something the next day?

Could you see if she's free for lunch or just nret for a drink before you head off to ehst you had planned?

Can you make time for a early lunch apero?
If you are busy just say, "so sorry have plans, you know what it's like as a solo traveller!"
Could you offer to meet up back at home?
It does sound a shame to stop a potential budding travel friendship.

Yes tbh I did . Like she just said “what’s your number” etc. I’ll be honest. I didn’t think we’d actually speak again, as bad as it sounds, or at least not have such a text like this so soon.

yeah a quick drink doesn’t sound bad but only have room like 3 days from now really, the day we are returning

Do you have any wriggle room in your travel plans (providing you’d actually be keen to socialise with her again?)

If you have some wriggle room, I’d suggest the times when you’re free to her. E.g. if you can’t do a drink and dinner for the next couple of nights, could you do another night instead?

Or if you can’t spare any evening when you’re there (which is totally understandable), how about suggesting breakfast, lunch or coffee to her?

Why not just be honest OP, tell her that you would have loved to have met up for a drink, but as you thought you were going to be alone this trip, you've made a point of making plans to do other things, so that you wouldn't be lonely, or whatever, and just don't think you can manage a meet up this time, but would like to keep in touch. It's simple, truthful, and then up to her whether she wants to keep in touch with the possibility of a meet up at some point in the future.

Say you have plans for your whole trip then. Lille is pretty small so it’s fairly likely you’ll bump into each other, and she might wonder why you couldn’t have done whatever you are doing alone in her company. You’re not obliged to spend time with her if you don’t want to.

What do you mean by clicking with her though? That usually means getting on, liking each other, being in same wavelength.

They're going to meet up at a public place with tons of other people. No different from meeting someone at bar and then going on a date. Also soo travelers are a different breed when it comes to friendship.

I'd decline and then suggest another time. If your itinerary has something she could join or if your plans are not actively time dependant then suggest brunch or fit before/after. If you click with someone it would be nice but if you're not too fussed and just decline.

If you are aghast at her contacting you, why did you exchange numbers?
Is that not generally the point of exchanging numbers?

Btw, it’s not her place. It’s a hotel