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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a bit conflicted about declining a kind invite while travelling?

125 replies

Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 20:54

I’ve just arrived in Lille for a short break and while getting off the Eurostar, I met a lovely woman from London who’s also here. We walked to our hotels together and exchanged numbers. Out of the blue, via text, she just invited me to join her tomorrow night for an aperitif at her hotel’s rooftop bar (her treat) and then to head out to dinner together.

Here’s the thing - I already have plans for tomorrow night that I’m really excited about and I’m not keen on changing them. Part of me feels a bit guilty though for not accepting her friendly gesture, especially since we just met, and it’s rare to click with someone so quickly while travelling solo.

AIBU to politely decline, or should I try to fit this in somehow? Would you feel bad turning down such an invite?

OP posts:
LongTimeReading · 09/09/2024 22:48

Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 22:43

Omg lucky escape from body odour there 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

you would have got a F off too if you told her maybe haha.

so are you famous or a reality star in some way now haha?

Show quote history

No I'm not, thank goodness. This was all back in the day before social media was anything like it is now. While I appreciate reality shows have always been car-crash TV, it wasn't like it is now, with people falling over themselves to get famous, rather they used to be about getting something useful back.

Original poster
Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 22:54

Maria1979 · 09/09/2024 22:45

This sounds more romantic than friendship based. I think you misundrstood each other's intentions...

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Maybe, in the sense that I didn’t see she had other intentions you think? Because I certainly did not give her that impression that I was interested in her that way… I do very much like men

OP posts:
raspberryberet7 · 09/09/2024 22:54

Velvian · 09/09/2024 20:56

Just say 'I can't do tomorrow evening, but are you free on X day?'

This

TheBeesKnee · 09/09/2024 22:59

So were you eager/friendly to her face then sent that shitty corporate message to turn her down? I don't want to defend rudeness but I can see why she was pissed off!

Sadmamatoday · 09/09/2024 23:01

HeySummerWhereAreYou · 09/09/2024 21:00

Tell her you can't make it. This all sounds a bit odd to me. I wouldn't be going. Not to some random's place (who I'd just met on a train.) Shock

Giving me the collywobbles just thinking about it actually. You don't know who this person is.

How do you think people make friends? Hmm Just say you're busy as you are, and suggest another day

olympicsrock · 09/09/2024 23:02

OMG OP you have dodged a bullet!

Original poster
Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:04

TheBeesKnee · 09/09/2024 22:59

So were you eager/friendly to her face then sent that shitty corporate message to turn her down? I don't want to defend rudeness but I can see why she was pissed off!

I know it’s Mumsnet but please don’t make assumptions. You say you can see why she was pissed off but don’t even seem to have my comment saying what the text said. You’re “I don’t want to defend rudeness but”, is similar to “I’m not being funny but” “I’m not trying to be rude but” etc etc.

i texted back saying “Thank you so much for the lovely invite! I actually already have plans for tomorrow night, but I really appreciate the offer. If our schedules align, maybe we can meet up another time? Enjoy the rooftop bar, it sounds amazing!”

OP posts:
LongTimeReading · 09/09/2024 23:06

Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:04

I know it’s Mumsnet but please don’t make assumptions. You say you can see why she was pissed off but don’t even seem to have my comment saying what the text said. You’re “I don’t want to defend rudeness but”, is similar to “I’m not being funny but” “I’m not trying to be rude but” etc etc.

i texted back saying “Thank you so much for the lovely invite! I actually already have plans for tomorrow night, but I really appreciate the offer. If our schedules align, maybe we can meet up another time? Enjoy the rooftop bar, it sounds amazing!”

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You don't have to justify it. Your message was fine.

Original poster
Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:08

LongTimeReading · 09/09/2024 23:06

You don't have to justify it. Your message was fine.

Show quote history

Thank you

OP posts:
Mmhmmn · 09/09/2024 23:08

Darkfloods · 09/09/2024 20:57

You already have plans, don’t change them for a stranger.

This.

Arconialiving · 09/09/2024 23:11

She obviously wanted more and is acting out because you rejected her. Lucky escape Op!

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:19

I can kinda see how it started from both sides.

OP is the one that has more going on and has a busy schedule. She was being pilte but wasn't fussed about meeting again.

The other girl is maybe a bit lonely. And thought that OP was really friendly, and wanted to see OP again for someone to hang out with. She wanted it more than OP did. And was upset when rejected.

She shouldn't have told you to f off though.

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:23

Its up to you OP, but id also advise you not to give your number to people. When I'm solo travelling, I only ever give my instagram page name to people if I want to connect with them again

If you give your phone number to people, it gives them access to you on a lot of different apps. And if you want to block them in future, you will have to block them on a lot of apps

However if you just give your instagram name to them, they can only access you on the Instagram app. And you can block them if you need to easily

LongTimeReading · 09/09/2024 23:27

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:19

I can kinda see how it started from both sides.

OP is the one that has more going on and has a busy schedule. She was being pilte but wasn't fussed about meeting again.

The other girl is maybe a bit lonely. And thought that OP was really friendly, and wanted to see OP again for someone to hang out with. She wanted it more than OP did. And was upset when rejected.

She shouldn't have told you to f off though.

"The other girl is maybe a bit lonely...She wanted it more than OP did. And was upset when rejected"

Which may explain why she was lonely...When I was in my early 20s I didn't have a great number of friends, but acting desperate and clingy was never considered to be the way forward acquiring new friendships. Maybe things have changed today.

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:30

LongTimeReading · 09/09/2024 23:27

"The other girl is maybe a bit lonely...She wanted it more than OP did. And was upset when rejected"

Which may explain why she was lonely...When I was in my early 20s I didn't have a great number of friends, but acting desperate and clingy was never considered to be the way forward acquiring new friendships. Maybe things have changed today.

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She definitely over reacted.

I suppose no one likes rejection.

But if that had happened to me (someone said no to me) I think I would just be thinking "that's fine", and go off and enjoy France

Original poster
Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:34

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:23

Its up to you OP, but id also advise you not to give your number to people. When I'm solo travelling, I only ever give my instagram page name to people if I want to connect with them again

If you give your phone number to people, it gives them access to you on a lot of different apps. And if you want to block them in future, you will have to block them on a lot of apps

However if you just give your instagram name to them, they can only access you on the Instagram app. And you can block them if you need to easily

your number only gives access to you on different apps, if you have you’ve enabled a settings that made you able to be found on said apps with your number. I’ve never enabled those settings and no one’s been able to find me on other apps via my number.

My Insta is my full name, I would much rather give someone my number , where I can block them if needed, then give someone that’s new to me or that I don’t want to give my full name to my Instagram , that’s reserved for those who know me in real life

OP posts:
Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:38

Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:34

your number only gives access to you on different apps, if you have you’ve enabled a settings that made you able to be found on said apps with your number. I’ve never enabled those settings and no one’s been able to find me on other apps via my number.

My Insta is my full name, I would much rather give someone my number , where I can block them if needed, then give someone that’s new to me or that I don’t want to give my full name to my Instagram , that’s reserved for those who know me in real life

Show quote history

I don't think the first thing that you've said is correct.

If anyone has your number, they can text you on the WhatsApp app, and the signal app.

They are just two of the most popular messaging apps.

You don't have to enable a setting to be found on those apps. If anyone has your number they can text you on them.

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/09/2024 23:40

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/09/2024 21:04

I must be odd too. I'm always making friends with randoms while travelling.

I mean I wouldn't go to their basement for drinks driven there in their blacked out van. But a rooftop drink at a hotel? Yes.

This.

You need not accept but it's nott weird of her.

Original poster
Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:42

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:38

I don't think the first thing that you've said is correct.

If anyone has your number, they can text you on the WhatsApp app, and the signal app.

They are just two of the most popular messaging apps.

You don't have to enable a setting to be found on those apps. If anyone has your number they can text you on them.

Edited
Show quote history

Oh yes, you can be found on the WhatsApp app, however, I only have my picture shown if you’re in my contacts, so people have actually found it a little harder to find me at first as they assume I don’t have it.

i was mainly talking about social media apps, but yes you’re right about WhatsApp. I’m fine with that, rather my number than Instagram, same still applies for me really

OP posts:
LongTimeReading · 09/09/2024 23:44

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:30

She definitely over reacted.

I suppose no one likes rejection.

But if that had happened to me (someone said no to me) I think I would just be thinking "that's fine", and go off and enjoy France

Show quote history

Sorry, just chuckling over my misreading your username. I thought it was Abby like swine. 😂

GaryLurcher19 · 09/09/2024 23:44

Just explain that you have plans and suggest a time that you are free?

I don't get this idea that her invite is odd. You are both solo travelling in same place and you exchanged numbers. An invitation to dinner or drinks is perfectly normal holiday friendliness, surely?

5starzz · 09/09/2024 23:44

Its giving me Martha 'Baby Reindeer' vibes.....how much personal or logistical info did you inadvertently reveal? Watch your back......

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:45

Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:42

Oh yes, you can be found on the WhatsApp app, however, I only have my picture shown if you’re in my contacts, so people have actually found it a little harder to find me at first as they assume I don’t have it.

i was mainly talking about social media apps, but yes you’re right about WhatsApp. I’m fine with that, rather my number than Instagram, same still applies for me really

Show quote history

Anyway you did the right thing, you have the right to say no to people.

She can ask, but she should be able to accept a no in reply.

There are so many travellers around, i dont know why she got annoyed, surely she can just find some other travellers. That's the joy of solo travel. There's always loads of other travellers around

I hope you have a great trip!

Abbylikeswine · 09/09/2024 23:47

GaryLurcher19 · 09/09/2024 23:44

Just explain that you have plans and suggest a time that you are free?

I don't get this idea that her invite is odd. You are both solo travelling in same place and you exchanged numbers. An invitation to dinner or drinks is perfectly normal holiday friendliness, surely?

Yes but her telling the OP to f off, is not normal holiday friendliness!

Original poster
Kindkitty · 09/09/2024 23:49

5starzz · 09/09/2024 23:44

Its giving me Martha 'Baby Reindeer' vibes.....how much personal or logistical info did you inadvertently reveal? Watch your back......

Edited

No personal details, other than I went on another solo holiday last week but nothing else! She asked me where I was from in London, but I recently moved to the outskirts and told her where I previously lived haha. But that’s it!

OP posts: