Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

I would go and see the man and tell him to speak to you not your child if he has a problem with their conduct.

I wouldn't stop your child from playing with the other youngster.

I'm sorry but "There must have been a reason" group didn't read the bit about the dad agreeing that's what happened.... It's not a science experiment on cause and effect sometimes the answer is simply they're a dik...or there's something unrelated and obscure that sent him close to the edge that no reasonable person would realise he's going to lose it.

You must have done something for them to react like that is 50/50 at best. It goes with 'boys will be boys' as the daftest sayings ever.

I wouldn't bother with any further confrontation...can't see any benefit.

I'd probably do what you've done but agree it's a bit hard on the kid.... however if it's the only way to exclude the dad I'd do it

Right to be cross with the dad, but the child is obviously living with someone on a short fuse and probably needs company. Can you speak to the mum?

^ THIS^

100% this and the fact OP can’t seem to acknowledge that it’s rude and obnoxious behaviour because ‘they have been doing it for the last year’ just shows the level of intelligence and lack of self awareness that’s going on.

Combined with the unpleasant ‘his kids not welcome round mine’ attitude it’s all not really surprising.

it's childish and immature to punish the child...what are you thinking?

Don’t punish the child, just talk to him about it and tell him how angry you are. Quite simple really.

I’d be trying to ask the dad why he reacted like that, as seems like there was a problem, and would he care to explain what it was? Give him a chance to explain.

I would also say that kids running around knocking on doors can feel very intrusive. Especially if it’s frequent and persistent. People have a right to be left in peace!

the people who think this is how things used to be back in the day are wrong. Back in the day kids would knock once on a door and if not opened, leave. Frequently they’d wait outside other kids houses for kids to come out or try to signal them in whichever way. Running around and pestering adult neighbors wouldn’t have been accepted and quite frankly I’d be annoyed if this was the case happening to me. At one point another neighbors kids were playing door pranks on us and I talked calmly and politely to the parents and it stopped. But this was possible because I was already on speaking terms with this mum and had her number. Sounds like you aren’t close at all with this dad so maybe he doesn’t fee comfortable explaining to you - more or less a stranger. Why he lost it when your kids intruded at his house. He doesn’t slide very peaceful or good at communicating l give you that, but to Inger he’s some kinda beats like some posters do or to ostracize his kid is truly you, OP, not being willing to even consider the thought your kids may have played a part too.

Are we sure he actually flew off the handle and screamed at them and didn’t just give them a stern talking to? Kids exaggerate and it might explain why he made no attempt to explain his actions. If one of my friends’ dads had had a go at me for something when I was 6-10, I’d have been all grisly and teary about it too, especially if he’s quite a stern, severe type.

I'd have his kid over often, and casually chat with them about their home life. He may be an utter monster there too and a call to social services in order.

OP didn’t from what I understand speak to the dad herself right? Another parent did and confirmed that the dad said that’s what happened. Didn’t say how that conversation went - did the other parent come around in an open minded and inquiring way to ask what the problem was, or did they show up full of indignation to demand an answer as to why he shouted at their poor darlings? It all very much depends on the context.

no one actually OWES neighbours explanations as to why you don’t want kids knocking at your door. Although I do think sounds like the dad isn’t in a very harmonious place and obviously isn’t acting very constructively, neither does is sound like the OP is. Sounds like you all need to calm
down a bit and maybe take a neighborhood seminar on conflict resolution.

I wouldn’t exclude the child, it’s not their fault.
Just suggest to your kids not to knock for a while. The Dad shouldn’t have lost his cool with the children, but maybe he’d just heard the doorbell once too many times that day / maybe something personal had just happened / he was on a Teams call wfh. Personally I’d just mention to him (calmly - you’re the better person here), you heard he was a little upset the other day when the children knocked on his door. He may apologise, if he doesn’t it’s your opportunity to mention you’ve asked your kids not to knock for a while, he may reflect later on his actions by your calmer approach. If he shows no remorse then you may want to suggest your kids find a different way to attract the attention of other kids to come out and play.

I think as parents we naturally take quick dislike to anyone losing it with our own children - I know I would!
good luck.

I think more context is needed all round.

What exactly did Shouty Dad shout at the kids? What were the words used?

How did the kids react? Did he reasonably ask them to stop banging, got some lip back and blew? Was it unprovoked rage (notwithstanding any background stuff he had going on that nobody else is privy to)?

What did the other parent say to Shouty Dad and how? Did they calmly ask what had happened, or fly in all guns blazing?

The answers to all these questions are just moot of course, as the OP was not actually there to witness anything firsthand.

The op isn't answering any of these questions though.

She's just repeating that it's the norm and the kids were upset.

If 5 kids are banging 5 separate fists on the door every day I'd be severely fed up.

If it's 1 child knocking once nicely then I'd say that's fine, but she's not clarifying this.

The poor dad could be having multiple kids do a multi-knock every day as he's wfh, who knows. I'd lose my shit if that was me, but I guess he should have put a sign up saying knock once then go away.

Ughhh I'm on shouty dad's side here I think.
We have a similar group of kids that have started playing out in our street. I see them all calling for eachother the moment they see a car pull up from the school run. They also sit and wait outside eachothers houses whilst their mate has tea which would drive me absolutely bonkers.
Shouty dad might have had a long day at work, is tending to a younger child and is sick of 5 kids hammering on his door.
Shouty dad might also think the noise from the children isn't as lovely as you think it is. The ones on our street make an absolute racket and it's made me see red a few times.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again.

Re-reading your opening post and just this paragraph alone really captures your vile immature attitude.

Maybe you should grow up and use this as an opportunity to teach the children some basic manners and etiquette about not banging on other people’s doors…..

The dad must be one of the mners that think all visitors must book a visit first

So all 5 children knocked on the door, one after another or all together? Why did they all need to knock?

I think a lot of parents forget, and don't teach their children, that other people have lives and the right to peave and quiet and the whole street isn't solely in existence to facilitate playtime.
It's fucking irritating and intrusive to have groups of kids constantly at the door, especially if they bang it loudly.
Parents also seem to fail to teach children that other people's front gardens, driveways and cars are not part of their play area.

Firstly it’s not every day. It’s only weekends. Secondly it depends on how many kids are out. Sometimes I’ll get 5 kids banging fists on my door sometimes one knocking gently. Sometimes one or 2 ringing the bell. Totally depends.
It was a weekend so he wasn’t working. I know what he does for a job and he doesn’t work weekends.
It was the first time they had knocked that day.
I don’t know what he said to them, or what the other parent said to him. I wasn’t there. I’ve only got second hand info from the parent and the kids.

I do know we have a WhatsApp group so at any point over the last year he could have said I don’t like your kids banging on my door please tell them to stop. He did not do that

Right yeah. They should all be inside on their PlayStations. Not playing out with their friends. How unfair on the neighbours having to tolerate the noise of playing children and the parents having to put up with their kids actually having kids to play with. They should all be locked up inside communicating only via electronics

You do realise just because your kids have been doing something rude and intrusive for a year and no one has pulled you/them up on it or taken issue (until now) doesn’t actually make it acceptable or ok right? Or are you honestly that dense?

OP, if you've had five kids banging on your door simultaneously, and you didn't use that as a teaching moment to instruct them sternly in consideration for others, well, I don't know what to say. Condoning that is really not on.

And it's not a binary choice between being inside on screens or playing outside. Kids of school age can play quietly and respectfully.

Well said. People have the right to quiet enjoyment of their homes. Kids have to fit into the adult world, not the other way around.

I don’t mind them banging on my door. Have absolutely no issue with it whatsoever. If others do they should raise it calmly. Not shout and scream