Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

I had a shouty dad, it's awful. He would have been furious at kids innocently knocking on the door.
OP I would just tell the kids not to knock on that particular door again and tell their friends to just come out if they want to play because they are not allowed to knock on their door anymore. The dad obviously just doesn't like it for whatever reason, it doesn't really matter why.

If you want to 1) hold his behaviour to account and 2) find out if his child should be excluded from the group - and do this in a group setting -
message on WhatsApp.

Tell him the kids were upset but if he didn’t want his kid playing with them you respect his decision and other parents will instruct the kids not to knock there in future.

I'd be furious. Totally normal for DC to knock for each other to play out where I am. Presumably his dc is playing out and participating in knocking for others.

I would go and speak to him, be clear that I don't expect him to verbally abuse my dc, and that if there's an issue he's welcome to speak to you, the adult, about it. Frightened children is such a nasty, bully behaviour. I bet it made him feel like such a big man.

Does anyone ever think I wonder what is going on in this man’s life for him to randomly shout at children. It’s not acceptable but it it is out of character and obviously not the norm he may have been having an horrific day and that knock knock could’ve been at an inconvenient moment and he lost it. Yes he should apologise after the fact but he’s probably embarrassed all these people acting like they’ve never got to the end of your tether. Well done to you.

How does it being a weekend = not WFH? People work at weekends too.

5 kids banging on a door every day is VERY unreasonable and would scare the crap out of me, so I’m Team Dad based on that.

You all need to teach your kids that one person rings the bell or uses the knocker politely ONCE, then they all wait for an answer.

He was 'shouting and screaming'? Really? And they all ran home crying? 🙄

No one should be banging their fists on someone elses door, let alone all at once. Clearly no one has thought to tell them they shouldn't OR they haven't listened if they have been asked not to. Maybe because one parent, or more, 'doesn't mind' such annoying behaviour so they've gone with that. lol

I wouldn't be surprised if this dad has previously asked them not to bang so loudly but they've continued to do so. That, to me, is the most likely scenario. So he shouted at them. Hardly a big deal. They simply do not knock at that door again. Or, they at least do so in a much less annoying way.

You've made a point of saying there is a WhatsApp group he could have used but so could you. Why don't you stand behind your 'opinion' and ask for clarification in the group so there are no future incidents rather than put a one sided, exaggerated version on MN?

I'd hate for a bunch of kids to be banging all at once at my door so I'm not sure I'd manage to find such anger over someone else having had enough 🤷‍♀️

The above 💯 Why knock anyway?? Surely if a kid is allowed out then it goes out and doesn't need inviting to join the happy gang of noisy ferals already haring about on bikes and scooters? I'm with the dad on this one - pushed to his limit probably.
Edited for typo

This is the most likely scenario that occurred to me as well.

I would also like an update on whether anyone spoke to this dad - calmly - after everyone had calmed down (because I'd wager the parent that went over straight away was fired up and confrontational and the dad was still raging as well) to get his take and work out a way of the kids calling for each other in a way that suits everyone.

I mean it's not hard. It's just as simple as one kid ringing or knocking politely and them all waiting - just as we all did in our cul-de-sac when I was a kid.

This is potentially easy to resolve and restore neighbourly relations but I get the impression that everyone would rather seethe and hold grudges.

The child is not responsible for his Dad's actions, and to stop yours from playing with him/her is punishing the child. Why not let the child play but tell yours they are not to knock on his door.
I know you're angry that he shouted at the kids, but I feel sorry for the poor kid who is being punished by you for something he hasn't done. Your kids are going to feel awkward when they see the kid surely?

All the posters saying OP is harsh, how can she have that kid in her house she would
have to have some type of communication with the parent wouldn’t she? I would steer well clear of the whole family, not cruel your kids just got the message loud and clear.

It’s not fair to punish the child. The dad on the other hand has no right to speak to anyone’s child other than how the parents permit. Weak little man to shout at kids. I’d be asking him to clarify who he thinks he is to do that. Horrible.

The dad on the other hand has no right to speak to anyone’s child other than how the parents permit

So much for "it takes a village".

I think it's fine for adults to tell off misbehaving children in the absence of their parents. If the parents dislike this, I suggest they don't let their children out unsupervised.

Aww what a shame in a world of game stations and phones that here's a place with kids actually playing in the street and this happens. Thing is you don't know what that family are going through and what they're dealing with atm. I would understand if you said your child isn't allowed to go there anymore but to exclude the child from coming to yours is not fair. We had a massive falling out at our football club but none of the adults took it out on the kids. The person I fell out with and don't talk to, to this day....his son is best friends with mine. Maybe wait a couple of weeks then go speak with them.

i don’t say it doesnt take a village, did I? Don’t take what I say as anything other than what I say. It’s not open to manipulation.
I suggest a person needs to manage themselves better and respect boundaries. What you think is ok is not ok for others and that’s the parents business. You don’t have to like it.

What you think is ok is not ok for others and that’s the parents business. You don’t have to like it.

If children are unsupervised and misbehaving then it's not up to the parents what response they are met with. You don't have to like it but if you don't, don't leave then unsupervised.

It wasn’t my kids that knocked on the door. Knocking on a door isn’t misbehaving. Parents can make their own decisions without you telling them not to or having any right to discipline them. Nothing changes that. Not even your ignorance.

Parents can make their own decisions without you telling them not to or having any right to discipline them. Nothing changes that. Not even your ignorance.

If the decision a parent makes involves their children misbehaving and inconveniencing me then I will tell them off. I won't shout or swear but they'll be told to stop.

They didn’t just politely knock on the door though did they. Multiple kids banged the door at once, and this happens every weekend.

I don’t think that poster wasn’t being ignorant either.

Don't punish the kid because of his horrible dad please.

That’s really nice for you. Thanks for sharing

I hope that makes you feel superior

The dad wasn't right to shout at the kids.
But it shows a nasty character to tell your kids to exclude another child because because of this.
But I feel we didn't get the full story here.

Not sure why everyone is getting so het up about a bunch of kids playing outside 🤣 it used to be totally normal and no one complained. It happens where I live too in our cul de sac. Yes it can be annoying but it's better than them all playing inside and it's only for a couple of hours after school and not even always on weekends as people go out. My son is at his dad's half the time but the neighbour kids don't know when and they knock on asking for him, I would never shout at them!

Just tell them not to knock on that door as the man is unhinged. Make sure you let them know it's not acceptable to be spoken to like that. I'd still let the child play though.