Another dad lost it at my kids

[Gymmum82]

So my kids and the neighbours kids all play out together regularly. Usually about 10 of them. We live in a small village, they are polite, well behaved, respectful kids. They only play on each others drives. Or in houses. Sometimes they will ride their bikes or scooters up and down the street. It’s a very quiet cul de sac.

They knock on each others houses to ask if they want to play out. Yes sometimes it can be a bit annoying if you’ve just sat down and there’s 5 kids banging on the door. But if you say not today. Or kids will be out later. They will go away and they won’t keep knocking.

Last weekend they are all playing out. About 5 or 6 of them. They go and knock on at another friends house who also plays out and the dad comes to the door and absolutely loses his shit. Shouting and screaming at them. All the kids come back in tears. Another parent went round to find out WTF happened and the dad said exactly what the kids said. They knocked on and he yelled at them. No apology nothing. Perfectly justified in his reaction.

I am absolutely livid, I’ve told my kids they are never to knock on again and his kid is not welcome in my home again. But I’m still seething. I will see him regularly and I want to call him out on his behaviour and tell him never to raise his voice to my children again. But AIBU?

Actually the default should be that they do NOT bang on anyone's door.

Children old enough to play outdoors without immediate adult supervision should have been trained long ago to respect others' peace and quiet.

It's absurd to say that they are fine to bang away unless specifically told not to.

Ah you're one of those parents. We have them on our street too. They've been told that their children are disturbing people who are wfh. They've been told that their children are making a nuisance of themselves in the neighborhood but their right to being noisy and annoying trumps the rights of everyone else.

Good on shouty dad. I'm pleased to hear that someone is parenting your child. Sounds like they need it.

So just to clarify, you won’t be teaching your kids not to bang on other peoples doors because ‘’you don’t mind it’.

Bloody hell poor kids when this is the ‘parenting’ and guidance they receive it’s really no wonder………

I’ve never been told my kids are a nuisance actually or that they are making too much noise. Or anything of the sort. If I was then I would do something about it. As it stands even the dad hasn’t said anything TO ME about my kids or what caused him to shout at them. He didn’t even say anything to the parent who went round about what they’d done wrong. Other than knock his door. He didn’t say they banged on it loudly or aggressively. He just didn’t want them to knock at that particular day and time but communicated that to no one and expected them to know

The dad should not have shouted at the kids. He was probably having a bad day and the noise/knocking etc was the final straw.
He was wrong to shout.

You would be very wrong to exclude the child. It is a unfair to the child and a bad example to all the children.

I do understand that kids can be very annoying and noisy and people have different levels of tolerance for this. Just remind your kids to be respectful the neighbours when they are out. It is important for children to get out and play but people should also be able to relax in their homes.

Basically playing out unsupervised means they'll encounter some shouty or grumpy adults.
This was always the social contract and it's part of the learning process.

Insisting that your child gets to perhaps as they wish and no adult dare say anything is astonishingly unreasonable although seems quite common now.

If someone has a problem with the kids knocking on their door all they have to say is please don’t knock on my door. They wouldn’t do it again. All the kids do as they are told. I’ve never had any issue with a single one of them and certainly never had to yell and scream at them

So you truly up to now have had no idea that many, many (probably the majority) of other adults don't like it when kids make loud intrusive and unnecessary noises?

That if it's OK with you, you have no responsibility to instruct children how to behave out in the larger community?

They are going to have an interesting time of it, when they are on their own in the real world. This man's reaction is just a taste.

Exactly.

It takes a village. If the parents won't correct the children, the rest of us villagers will. Pretty cheeky if the parents then complain about that.

This is the point you seem to be dramatically missing though - no one should need or have to explain to anyone that they don’t want mutiple kids banging on their door every weekend. It’s bloody rude and common decency.

I have no idea of others tolerance to kids noise levels. But I expect that tolerance to be communicated calmly and non aggressively.
I wouldn’t expect to be screamed at by a neighbour if I’d made too much noise mowing my lawn at 8am on a Saturday morning for example. I would expect to be politely asked to stop

If he’s never done it before is it not that he could be going through some shit and inappropriately took it out on the kids this door?

Not saying it’s right in anyway but if it the first time it’s happened and all was fine before for years then it seems like a different situation to annoying kids or him being a grumpy neighbour who doesn’t want them banging…

Exactly - why has no parent said only ONE child knocks or rings the bell per group?

🤷🏼‍♀️

Maybe the child doesn't want to go out all the time and feels pressurised with the other kids coming to the door so frequently. I know my kids like to chill at home sometimes and would not appreciate other kids coming to the door every weekend expecting them to go out. It could be hard for a quiet child to say no to a group at the door.

I would hope, being an adult, you would have both the common sense and consideration not to mow your lawn at 8am. If you were my neighbour and you did this, I would not be 'polite'.

You’ve had some batshit responses OP. We live on an estate where children play out and knock on for each other. Sometimes it’s loudly, sometimes it’s one ring of the doorbell. I work at home, DD was often at activities so not in. Funnily enough I managed never to yell at a bunch of small children on my doorstep. Just a polite, “minifrope is out and I’m working” and off they would pop.
I’m far more appalled at adults who can’t keep their tempers or communicate reasonably than the noise of kids playing.

By your own admission, they're not knocking, they're banging fists. Why has no-one taught these kids how to knock on a door like decent human beings? They're old enough to know better.

@notarunner and your one of those parents too, ha. Rather have your kids inside then outside playing. It was a weekend not a weekday, so hardly people going to be WFH!
anyways I get why the man would be pissed. But kids shouldn’t bang so loudly. She has the parents on WhatsApp why can’t she say all the kids meet at a certain time and so and so house so they don’t have to go banging on each others doors

No way is this the full story.

Willing to bet OPs gang of yoofs are not beloved locally.

The father's reaction was certainly unreasonable, but...you are excluding that child for the sins of the father, when he is probably already mortified by his father's actions. By all means, reinforce that your child is NOT to knock on the door, but allow that child to have a safe place where they feel welcome. You're punishing the wrong party, here.

Please please don't ban your child's friend from your house. My best friend when I was 10, her dad was a nutcase. A violent and emotionally abusive coke head nutcase. She was terrified of him and would come to my house after school to wait for her mum to get home from work. She'd eat all our yoghurt and snacks because he'd withhold food. It was her safe space.

Jesus Christ, don’t punish the poor kid, what the hell is wrong with you?! If the father is genuinely as vile as you say then the kind thing to do would be to keep an eye on that kid and offer some time away from home. It’s basic human empathy. I despair.

Is he the parent of one of the younger kids? There’s no way I’d want to let let my children (under 8 years old) ‘play out’ unattended in the street, and I’d get really fed up if the kids knocked and knocked regularly asking for my child to come out. I might reluctantly agree to let my child play (and watch them closely from the window!) just so they didn’t feel left out, but I’d be really really fed up if they kept coming and coming! It puts parents in an awkward situation who don’t want their child running out on the streets without supervision! Either they need to stop what they’re doing to watch their child play outside, or they need to say no to the kids and tell their child they can’t play, which would make their child upset and might exclude them from a friendship group. I’m not saying children should be inside on a PlayStation, but I do believe children should be attended by an adult when playing outside. And the constant knocking on the door does put the parent in an awkward position.

I think this is it.

He was a jerk, but it's not the end of the world.

It was still universally normal to play out all day when I was a kid, and one of my friends when I was in the 5-9 age range had a jerk shouty father. We got used to it and would tread a little lightly around him or avoid him.

We also spoke about him disparagingly amongst ourselves (though not in front of his kids.)

It wasn't a bad learning experience ultimately.

If you really want to say something then I would say the usual, don’t do that etc, any problems you come to me. Your child will always be welcome in my home, this isn’t his fault, or something along those lines. Be kind and make him feel like the dick he has been.