DH has moved the goalposts on getting a family dog.

[northernerinlondon]

Since we met, I’ve always been clear with DH that having a family dog is non-negotiable, and he agreed.

When DD was born, we decided to get one when she turned 5, so she could fully enjoy the experience. She’s 5 now and obsessed with dogs, asking for one daily and wishing for one constantly.

I’ve brought it up with DH several times, but he shuts down and gets upset, saying it’ll be too difficult.

From my perspective:

• We both work from home, so someone’s always around.
• Finances aren’t an issue.
• We're not planning more kids or moving, so life is stable.
• We have a big garden and a nearby park.

I don’t want to cause a major issue over this, but since we agreed, would I be unreasonable to just...get one?

@DataPup @northernerinlondon I have a young working cocker and she doesn't need a huge amount of exercise. Don't get me wrong, she loves a good walk, but she hurt her paw recently and we had two weeks of limited/no exercise and she coped with cuddles and enrichment (snuffle mat, sniffy games, Kongs). You don't need to walk a cocker for hours, all you'll do is make them fitter and increase their exercise tolerance. Mental stimulation and company is just as important. Half an hour off lead a day is sufficient for my dog (although she usually gets a bit more).

ETA - show cockers aren't necessarily preferable to working cockers btw, I think that's a bit of a myth. They can be harder to train, more prone to resource guarding, more snappy, and working cockers just live to please you.

Throughout Spring/Summer, I also mostly work with the back doors open and in sight of the garden

They can be velcro dogs though, so you might have the doors open to a lovely garden but chances are you'll be working with a dog on your lap!

...because the prospect of sharing a home with a smelly dog and all the expense, inconvenience and having to pick up dog shit is unbearable for many people.

My husband would love to have a dog. If I agreed to it this morning we'd have a stinking ball of fur running around the house by this afternoon.

But he knows I don't like dogs, that I couldn't stand having one in the house even for a few minutes. He respects that. Despite his own love for dogs, he knows it would be unreasonable to inflict one on me.

I love my husband very much and would suffer most inconveniencs for his sake, but he knows that if he insisted on having a dog that it would be the end of our marriage. He loves and respects me enough to accept that and has never tried to persuade me to change my mind.

Did he know you would never want a dog before you married? If so, your position with your DH is a bit different from the OP’s.

@TheNormalRules What @ScrollingLeaves said... Also my post was clearly directed at @Chrsytalchondalier and was a little facetious.

Oh God, OP, don't inflict a cocker spaniel on your DH. Every spaniel I've ever come across stinks to high heaven!

No. We had dogs for years but my experience was that dogs are like perpetual toddlers. You always have to think about where they are, if they are happy, have they been walked, do they need a wee etc. My dogs were in and out of the garden with muddy feet, and we couldn’t have a nice home til the last one died. They were destructive when young, and expensive with vets when old. I loved our dogs, but if me and DH hadn’t been so committed to dog ownership it would have been a big no.

Half an hour off lead a day is sufficient for my dog

Very few spaniels are going to be happy or healthy on that amount of exercise. I'm not suggesting they need hours and hours, 90 minutes spread across two 45 minutes walks and including some brain work is probably fine.

Lots if ball fetching and ‘jobs’.

@TheNormalRules your dh should join borrow my doggy or whatever it's called?

You'd be better off rescuing a greyhound. They have a spurt of running then sleep a lot or rest. Lovely natures too. Plenty need rescuing. I know they're usually good with dcs. Cats would be a different story. Or get a cat?
I'd be wary of fostering unless you know they'll be OK with dcs. I rescued a dog supposed to be fab with dcs. Hated toddlers and other dogs. I managed to train him to socialise with dogs but couldn't get rid of the toddler fear. I just kept him away from any.

I used to visit a number of homes to advise on training.
I assume that you want a puppy? This will be your life until the dog is at least a year..breed dependent. Would dh cope with chewing,muddy feet,moulting, digging,puppy biting etc?
it may be an idea to get a mature well trained dog. Dogs for the Disabled,Hearing dogs, Guide dogs, etc will have some available that haven’t quite made the grade. It’s worth approaching Gundog trainers too. Breed clubs can recommend breeders and sometimes they have older ones available.
Be careful of the breed and go for temperament,not looks.
Good luck.

This

Take him dog browsing from time to time. He might soften up.

‘Too much impact on your lifestyle’ ?
what is your lifestyle? Do you go on loads of holidays? Cant afford it? As you both work from home I don’t see a massive problem…dogs are hard work yes but also bring loads of benefits! Often more exercise, fresh air and meeting new people, a huge amount of love and fun. Maybe he’s just being really negative and not seeing the good stuff. Could you dog sit for someone and see how that goes? He might enjoy it!

Both wfh now, will they continue to do so for the next 12-14 years ? Who is going to do the 2-3 daily walks and what happens if the OP is unwell say and the DH has to manage school drop offs, homework, household stuff and the sodding dog.

Is everyone happy that every single holiday and day out needs to be dog friendly or requires logistical effort and expense if you aren't bringing a dog?
Who is going to do all the extra cleaning that having a dog entails and endure the abiding doggy smell, which is embarrassing when people come round.

It's a huge lifestyle change - particularly if you don't want it - and it's disingenuous to say otherwise.

YANBU. A dog would bring much joy and enrichment to your life... he just needs to meet a few nice dogs. I was really frightened of dogs as a child and we never had pets, dogs or cats.. only goldfish but in adulthood myself sisters and brothers all got/had dogs or cats. Animals bring such joy into your life. Good luck in finding the right dog for your family ❤

Not all dogs smell.

This is a light hearted little article about the bond between humans and dogs.
https://time.com/5342964/human-bond-dog-thoughts/

( Not all people share the bond obviously.)

My ex brought her childhood dog to live with us on a, "if you don't like it you can piss off," basis, and of course I ended up having to do most of the work cleaning up after it.

When people make this sort of thing a non-negotiable it raises all sorts of red flags for me. If you can't negotiate something like a sodding pet with your dearly beloved, what is the point of being in a relationship exactly?

Not true. All dogs smell.

Dog owners get used to the smell and don't notice it. Other people will definitely notice though.

I have never been in a dog owners home and not noticed the smell. However clean the home, however careful the owner is to keep the dog washed, the smell is always noticeable. And for many people, it's a nasty smell.

Anyone who is particular about the cleanliness of their home should consider very carefully before getting a dog. Visitors to your home will smell it even if you can't.

For goodness sake. My dog lives here, visitors don't. They can take it or leave it, they don't need to come round if they don't like it. Yes she has a smell but it's not a bad smell. Sort of earthy and grassy and like outside. Plus popcorn/Dorito toes. All of us/all of our homes have a smell.

This was really lovely and quite interesting!

Dogs don't smell grassy 😂

Definitely not grassy. Earthy maybe, but not in a good way. Do you get many visitors? If not, I can guess why.

Very unreasonable for someone to change their mind after 5 YEARS!!