Upset about a wedding song

[Kaandii]

So my girlfriend is a songwriter, before we met she would only write sad depressing songs. A few months into our relationship she wrote a new song for me that was the complete opposite of what she usually did, it was a happy love song all about how she feels about me and how I make her feel.
Fast forward a little to one of her friends getting married, the friend (female) wants my girlfriend to sing her down the aisle and the song she has decided on is this one, the one that was written specifically for me.
Am I wrong to be upset about this? Is it wrong to think that this is MY song? I will obviously be at the wedding and I just know it’s going to crush me and I don’t really know what to do about it.

Good grief ! Grow up !!!

I am surprised you are old enough to have a girlfriend that has friends that are getting married, never mind wanting it as a song for your wedding.

Maybe, if you don’t behave like a Wally, your lovely girlfriend will write a fantastic new song for when (or if) you get married.
Please just be happy and proud of her. Any other response (out loud anyway) just makes you look like a jealous child. You can be a bit disappointed on the inside but you need to get over it fast and smile proudly at the wedding.

OP, can you not see how controlling it would be to prevent her from performing her work?

Does she get to dictate your career to a similar extent?

I think you should show her your post, to let her know how strongly you feel.

Fair comment and I apologise for the assumption. I doubt you will apologise for the unnecessary aggression.

the friend (female) wants my girlfriend to sing her down the aisle and the song she has decided on is this one, the one that was written specifically for me.

Who has decided on the song OP, is it your girlfriend or her friend that has chosen it? if it is the friend your girlfriend may feel obliged to say yes.

I can understand where you are coming from in fairness, that has always been your song and you always envisioned it at your wedding, in which case, using it for someone else's wedding first would take the specialness off it.

Why don't you have a chat with your girlfriend so she knows how you feel, she may even agree but feels compelled to use it if she's been asked, but she may be able to change it up to suit them more, thinking Elton John Candle in the wind type scenario, her friend would think it's nice that she's doing that especially for them and then she wouldn't be using your specific song/lyrics etc?

Yes, you are being dramatic, controlling, immature, and have got it all wrong.

It’s her song, just about you. Lots of musicians write songs about other people, but those people don’t own the song.

Potentially you want it for your wedding - a song about you - you still can.

Don’t be ridiculous, 1.) they aren’t even engaged 2.) it’s the musician’s song and up to her how she shares it.

.

Awww I think people are being a bit mean here.

I think OP you're viewing the song a bit like wedding vows. Like your girlfriend has written them for you and now someone else is using them it takes away from the uniqueness and meaning of the words.

But music isn't really like that, it gains in meaning and passion as it's shared and passed around and others see their own lives and love in the lyrics. Every great love song ever written was written about someone specific, and it'll always have that special meaning to that one person. But music was made to be shared. Try and think of it as, your girlfriend loves you so much she wrote a love song that resonates with others to the extent they want to get married to it. That's special!

I would understand the logic if your wedding was imminent, but you describe her as your girlfriend, not fiancee. I think you are being possessive, where you should really be extremely proud.

You can imagine how upset I was when Prince wrote this song about me and then made it into a chart topping hit -

It's the most cringeworthy song ever in its Diana form. It makes me want to do the same full-body cringe as when a certain type of daytime radio presenter does birthday requests for 'Doris Higgins, who is eighty years YOUNG!'

Everytime I read an AIBU I put myself in the OPs shoes to see how I would feel if the scenario was happening to me.
I can honestly say I don't get your feelings and if my boyfriend( if I had a boyfriend and not a DH for 30 odd years) did this I would be really proud.
I would be in the pews beaming my head off!!!

Oh OP I get you. It's a loving and personal tribute and you were hoping it might be your wedding song first one day. You're not unreasonable for feeling this way but you would be unreasonable for pushing her to change it, I'm afraid. It's her work after all and love songs have meaning to many people. It's well known they're not written about all of them.

If she has another genuinely appropriate song you could suggest that one.

Otherwise try and reframe it positively and enjoy hearing her love for you proclaimed publicly as part of celebrating a friend's marriage (even if the day isn't about you, the sentiment is). See it as adding to the lovely meaning of the song rather than detracting.

DH often sings little songs about me, such as:
Legs of a limpet,
Arms of a squid,
Watch her banging the saucepan lid.

He's a genius.

I won't be upset if anyone wants to use this as an accompaniment to any of life's great events. Help yourselves.

When we say a song is written for someone, that's not usually true. It's written about someone.

The love song she wrote sounds like it's about how she feels. You don't own those feelings and you don't own the art that is inspired by them.

It's her song, she wrote it, she gets to say how and when she songs it.

You are being really silly here. You are not even engaged and are trying to control her art as if somehow her singing it at a wedding dilutes it in some way. Besides, unless she was going to sing at her own wedding, it's likely to be a somewhat different version anyway - even if it is sung at your hypothetical wedding that isn't planned yet.

I get it, it feels special to you and you want to box that feeling. But just be super proud of her that other people will also benefit from her lovely song instead of wanting to protect it for yourself. It's your partners words, not yours.

Hmm.. why do I get the impression that her next song might be titled ‘I realised it was over when I wasn’t allowed to sing my own song without a ridiculous drama’?

You can still use it at your wedding . People don't pay attention anyway.

This is also true! I went to 2 weddings last year and cannot recall a single song played, even though I KNOW at least one of them had special songs playing at points before and during the ceremony. I can't for the life of me remember what they were!

Weddings are super important and memorable to those getting wed but for many guests, even when you deeply care about those getting married, they just become a generic, vague memory.

I have a feeling you’ll be inspiring a very different song if you keep this up. You asked, 92% of people think YABU unreasonable. Take that on board.

I actually understand that you’d hoped to use it. But to be crushed is a bit OTT.

As someone said upthread, this kind of behaviour will probably result in you not needing to worry about your wedding at all....

People are allowed to feel a certain way about a certain scenario, it is allowed (healthy even) to discuss those feelings with your significant other.

What they shouldn't be doing is imposing their feelings to an extent where the significant other has to change their decisions/behaviour to placate the other person, the songwriter is well within her rights to carry on and use the song (goes without saying) but life is about communication, if I found out my girlfriend/boyfriend felt as OP does, I'd be able to see it from their point of view, I wouldn't necessarily change it but I would want to discuss why they feel that way because as a partner I'd care what they think.

So many emotionally stunted people on here, telling your partner 'tough shit..I'm doing it anyway!!' is why there are a lot of angry and obviously single people on here, no communication skills whatsoever.

I can't imagine that Ed Sheeran's wife is crushed every time he sings a song that was about her.
That is what songwriters do, they write songs and then they sing them because they want people to hear their music. It wouldn't be much of a career if they didn't!!
You should be proud that you inspired it. Be more Travis Kelce!! You only see him smiling when Taylor Swift is singing songs she wrote about him.