To ask what you think when you see a young, fat person?

[AugustSlippedAwayIntoAMoment]

I'm very, very aware that this thread will probably get some nasty responses.

But I'm young (26), overweight and short. I try to dress nicely and I'm actively losing weight, but I'm just curious. What do you actually think when you see a fat person? I've never given it much thought before now as I've been fat my entire life, but what do you really think? Am I walking round oblivious to the fact I'm being judged all the time or do people just not care?

It’s so common now, it wouldn’t even register with me.

If I was to really think about it, I would probably feel sorry for them. I know that sounds condescending. I used to be overweight in my 20s, and it made me very, very unhappy.

I think the younger generation now seem to embrace body positivity, but it was almost shameful to be overweight even 20 years ago, especially in the eyes of older women. All you have to do is watch an early episode of “Friends” (fat Monica) and you’ll see that for yourself.

I have a family member who is getting visibly larger every time I see them, only 20, I fear for their health greatly.

I love them and it hurts me to think they’ll be being judged by others.

I think being young you have enough going on trying to navigate the world without your weight weighing heavily on your mind.

As for seeing obese youngsters when I’m out and about, yes I notice and then I’m thinking about something else.

For an adult, nothing, unless they were extremely obese. Then I'd probably think that was sad and wonder what happened to them, same as I would for a very emaciated person. Just overweight is so common now it doesn't even register. I do feel judgement towards the parents when I see a very overweight child. Probably unfair because it's clearly a social problem, but I bet a lot of people feel it, at least briefly.

If 26 isn't young, then 40 is most certainly old! How'd you like that, Mumsnet?

You're young! Don't worry.

Re the unhappiness comments, obviously I can't speak for everyone who's my age and overweight.

I was unhappy as a teen but I'm happy now, I want to lose weight and I'm doing that but I don't want to deny myself things I enjoy now because I don't "deserve" them or anything like that

I don't think anything, except maybe if they were very obese, in which case I would feel sorry for them. Otherwise I just register them as another person.

I want to add that on a few occasions I have also seen very overweight young women looking absolutely stunning. On three occasions my head was turned by how good they looked in dresses that would not have looked as good on skinnier women.

I would probably not notice tbh.
But if I did, my thoughts would be that I think you're finding your feet with regards to when people move out of their parents home, they have to learn how to cook for one rather than a family, having enough money for good food, having enough time to go and get the food and make it etc.
Also many medications cause weight gain: steroids, contraception etc. So it could be that you're navigating something big health wise and this is another symptom you're trying to work through.
Many people who move out and onto uni, change shape, skin gets better/worse because there's no mum or dad there to cook whilst they study etc.
It takes time and I would just assume that's what is going on.

I think "gosh i hope they sort it while young". I know weight loss is never easy but my experience (having been slim my whole life) is that once you hit perimenopause (any time from late 30s onwards), weight loss is near impossible.

Its just so bad for your health, being overweight is life limiting.

I wouldn’t honestly think anything in particular but if your weight did register for some reason it would be out of a concern for your health, not in any judgemental way. I am overweight too so that would be extremely hypocritical 😀

I think, having lost 10 stone, regained it after a mobility limiting accident and then losing it again, that it's a massive shame to be overweight in your 20s/30s/40s and miss out of being able to be active/risk your health/miss out on wearing whatever you like as opposed to possibly hiding yourself (as I did).

It never limited me re career, imo, but I was embarrassed by my body and it stopped me riding, big passion, because I refuse to impose my weight on a horse, obviously. It definitely limits you in certain areas of life and having to ask for a seat belt extender on a plane was excruciating.

Honestly, my knee-jerk response is distaste because my mother was so repulsed by the concept of being fat and used to comment on larger people if we saw them. I was a fat child/teen and did not escape her comments. Much as I dislike it, a lot of her attitude is still in my head.

I wouldn't actually say or do anything to express this, though!

Sometimes I feel sad. Only because I think being overweight/obese can be a slippery slope and an easier one to turn around from while you're young than when you're old.

It’s so common now that it wouldn’t spark a thought really. I guess if I were to think anything it would be that there are so many more young fat people than there used to be, and that’s not a good thing and I might start to think of reasons why that is.

No I didn't mistake my personal experience for a scientific study, how fucking rude. Understanding of infertility is really poor, and there is so little interest in women's health. Medical language and attitudes around infertility are shaming and callous for so many women who are struggling and these are women of all sizes. Infertility can also be a consequence of being underweight, but a lot of the time weight isn't a factor, or rather the cause simply isn't known. Women carry so much blame for what is perceived as their body's failures and shortcomings - this again is women of all sizes I'm talking about.

Again, from my own personal experience - which don't worry, I understand is a sample of one thanks very much, I have an extremely successful career, mentor people who see my path as one to follow (I'm sure yes, they'd rather be the thinner version of me and so would I! I have spent three quarters of my life engaged in pursuit of weight loss) and I have a very happy marriage and while I have never considered myself especially attractive at any weight I've been, I don't think that contributes to my value as a person. I know plenty of older women who I look up to, in my field and in others, who are fat or aren't gorgeous to look at and that's fine - I find it inspiring when women succeed and I think appearance is secondary. Of course I would like to be thin and beautiful, but it's not the be all and end all. We can have a happy life anyway so spare us your pity and contempt.

My point is just that the things you list - being unattractive, being unsuccessful, being infertile or unhealthy or single - are things that can happen to thin women too. And this thread is just a really unpleasant read as people feel free to give vent to all the horrible things they feel about fat women and the ways in which they want to blame absolutely everything bad on fatness. I think being judgemental and unkind is worse, quite frankly.

And it's not the elephant in the room when everyone else is saying it!

I am twice your age so you are definitely young to me!

I’m afraid I would be judging your parents for not teaching you healthy eating habits or presumably setting a good example.
And the government a bit for their role - this stuff should be learned in schools.
However well done to you for deciding to tackle it now while you are young and it is much easier to lose weight and learn a different approach to food and exercise.

Seriously in the 70s and 80s very few fat people.
You aren't trying to tell me that people now have more health issues than people in the 70s and 80s.

People ate less and moved more. Simple.
Even turning the telly over involved getting steps across the living room.
Getting a file at worked involved going to a filing cabinet. Now searching on a virtual file at a desk.

The RolliePollies were funny because they were bigger but really look at them and they were now average sized.

The only time a fat person, whatever age, whatever sex, comes to my attention (said as a fat person myself!) is if they're wearing something that doesn't flatter them. I also think that about young women who wear skirts so short that you can see their ass cheeks, tbh.

However, I also admire their fuck it attitude and wish I was the same.

This is my view as well. I’m overweight now - need to lose two stone - but I was not overweight until the menopause. In my late 20s I weighed 9 stone- so I do wonder about how the young person was fed as a child. My two both eat cake, biscuits and chocolate - they’re not on a perfect diet. But my 16 year old drinks no fizzy stuff at all and both of them are thin - very athletic build - and neither of their parents are. I did not give them very much processed food - chicken nuggets etc was once a week, not every night. McDs was an occasional treat - once every several weeks or even more. They ate some veg and fruit every day, although not a huge amount.

When I see very fat children or young people - especially girls and women - I am concerned for their future as it is hard to lose weight post menopause. Childbirth when significantly overweight is also more risky.

It depends. Overweight I don't notice or think anything of it. If I see an obese person, yes, I think about it and generally I judge (knowing that some can have medical issues that prevent them from losing weight, but let's be honest, that won't be the majority). It baffles me that someone reaches the obese stage without doing something about it before, because you reach obese stage slowly, being overweight first and then adding more weight little by little. I wonder why they haven't done anything about it earlier, when they were just overweight.

Clearly overweight kids, yes, I judge parents!. As a parent you have full control of what your kids eat (at least yonger kids), I've seen so many very overweight kids drinking Coke or any soft drinks full of sugar with their parents, why??

Schools I agree with but I just can't fault my parents, yes they didn't teach us the best habits but they were so busy and stretched on low incomes due to my dad's divorce agreement, I just can't find it in me to blame them

I’m another who wouldn’t view someone mid-to-late 20s as “young person” - sorry!!! You are well settled in the adult category. And as such, I wouldn’t think anything about your parents or upbringing because I’d assume (correctly) you’d had a long enough time as an adult that this was your choice. (and choosing to do nothing is still a choice.)

But beyond that, I don’t think I’d notice you unless you were incredibly overweight. Then it would be to feel sorry for you as if doesn’t look a nice way to live once weight starts getting to the level it restricts you.

Re the 'govt' bit...
Home economics and cooking/nutrition used to be taught in schools, both practical and theory lessons
But someone noted that this was mainly for 'girls', and decided 'equal opportunities' and all that, so dropped it from the curriculum, along with selling sports fields
So no wonder we are now a country of fat/obese people, normalised as evidenced by the responses here