To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

[WinkyTinky]

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

I know it sounds mean but this. Your kids aren’t happy and they come before the cat!

The best thing for this poor kitten is that he is rehomed asap. You all sound awful. I appreciate that not everybody is an animal lover but your behaviour to this poor defenceless kitten is just unforgiveable. My sons have always adored our family cats and managed to graduate despite the cat's presence int he house. It didn't prevent my son being admitted to study medicine as a post-graduate.

I bet any money he bought it from some fella down the pub. No breeder would have sold it to him.
This really doesn't need to he complicated- just take it straight down to the nearest rescue centre.

The OP has been posting for months about a divorce she keeps saying she is going to get started. She also posts about her husband leaving a dent in the soap bottle (a whole thread about it) and a thread in her wanting to share inappropriate information about their marriage with the oldest son. The son seems to be treated as some sort of counsellor to the OP, and he is being burdened with family stuff which he really shouldn’t be. No wonder he burst into tears over the kitten, poor boy has way too much put onto him. It’s a dysfunctional family with a very selfish husband, a dramatic and inappropriate mum and two kids caught in the middle.

Women's Aid because of a kitten?
I think it reads more like op and the son are the controlling ones, look at the reaction to 'his wishes' not being followed and the 12yo stress re the 16yos reaction to this.

Kindly, @WinkyTinky, this isn’t about the kitten, is it? How’re you getting on in making plans to LTB?

Oh scrap my last post, poor 16 yo too, who's tears are probably due to his stress at dealing with ops behaviours now.

And as for a kitten disrupting your sons exams what nonsense.
My Mum got kittens when me and brother were teenagers. Had zero impact on our lives other than cuddles. My brother at 16 would have been out riding motorbikes and going to nightclubs.
If your child has something wrong with him then take him to the drs- Nevermind 'suspected ND' if you suspect it that strongly then take him to get help.

Wow what an over reaction on your part which has rubbed off on the teens.

He shouldn't have just rocked up with a kitten without consulting you first however it's his house as well as everyone else's.

Will he be the sole carer for the cat?
Do you even like animals?

Oh dear. Well it's the adults who need to grow up then

Your DH is completely irresponsible. Your poor children and you too OP. Poor kitten too.

if he’s adamant he’s keeping it I would be asking him which cattery hes booked for when he’s away. The price will probably have him swearing if it’s anything like the cost of our favourite kennels (which I don’t object to paying but it sure does put up the price of a holiday).

Your DH should have spoken to all before getting the kitten. However I find the overreaction from your DS very bizarre.

Where are you based? Can I have the cat OP???

I love cats and have one, Missy has just had breakfast first above all the humans and is spoilt but I would never judge anyone for not wanting a pet so people need to stop that.

A pet is a big commitment, the expense, the arrangements for care, can people cope with poo and sick and you should not leave any baby animal alone for any length of time at all. Plus if away for a length of time there are arrangements to be made. My cat will not tolerate a cattery as she hates other cats, I didn’t know this when I adopted her so I have someone to come to the house but then you need to trust someone especially if a paid service and not a friend.

An actual animal lover would not bring a pet in to a home where they know it’s unwelcome.

Kittens can be homed far more easily than adult cats which is why we have had two older rescue cats as much as I would have loved a kitten.

Your husband has been unreasonable to bring an animal into a home where it’s not wanted by everyone. However your family sounds… unusual. I think I’d be more worried about building my children’s resilience than a cat tbh.

It's a cat it won't infringe in all aspects of live.. heck they may grow to love it. Do think a lack of respect of your dh to do this on the spur/ without a decision between the two of you.

I don’t think you sound unhinged - I think that’s terribly harsh. My DD is almost 16. She’s ND and she wouldn’t cope with such a thing. You all seem to have a lot going on right now and don’t have the time or headspace to deal with the financial and practical implications of having a kitten. Before you know it your furniture and wallpaper could well need replacing, decent insurance required and that doesn’t cover all vet bills, and the consideration of who will look after the animal when you’re all away.

Your DH is a complete bastard for all this. He clearly doesn’t know how to care for a cat never mind one in its early days.

It’s a dysfunctional family with a very selfish husband, a dramatic and inappropriate mum and two kids caught in the middle.

Wow!

I feel very sorry for the kitten in all of this..,please rehome it where it can be loved and not treated like some tiny furry monster. It must feel very frightened.

He shouldn’t have done it but what an overreaction on your son’s part. They won’t come home if there is a kitten there? A tiny kitten. Re-home the poor thing, it deserves a home where its loved

Honestly? @WinkyTinky have you made it clear to DH how much this is affecting you and everyone else in the family?

Because if this were me, and I'm sorry if animal lovers think this cruel, but I would be spending today finding out where the cat can go. Nobody but him wants a cat in the house, you're all too passive to dump it in his lap when he's enjoying himself and the poor thing is crying, and he's strolled off too work safe in the knowledge that you'll deal with it.

So deal with it.

He’s a dick. And I feel so sorry for that little kitten. It didn’t ask for this. You all sound cold and unfeeling but that doesn’t change the fact that he shouldn’t have imposed this little animal on you without discussion. And as for leaving the poor thing in a cold conservatory, words fail me. Get him to take it back. If he won’t, make arrangements to re home it. It deserves a loving family who will welcome it, and that’s clearly not with yourselves.

Children don't get to decide whether there is a pet in the house or not. The children sound spoilt, weird and ridiculous

and I'm sorry if animal lovers think this cruel, but I would be spending today finding out where the cat can go.

As an animal lover, that would be the kindest thing, not cruel at all. It didn’t ask to be basically abandoned into a home where no one wants it, not even the husband by the sounds of the lack of care.

This