Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be really unhappy at having a cat imposed on us

881 replies

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 06:52

Dh wanted to get a cat a couple of years ago. None of the rest of us did, especially DS16 (14 at the time) - neither of the kids have ever wanted a pet or to have an animal that will live in the house in particular. Outside maybe, but not in the house, and I thought that was the end of it.
But yesterday, in comes dh with a pet carrier with a kitten inside, completely unannounced. I'd noticed he had been clearing out the porch on the morning, and i just left him to it, but now I know it was to make space for a litter tray. Ds12 looked at me as if to say, why is this happening? Especially knowing how his brother feels about pets. So I had to go upstairs and let DS16 know there was a cat in the house, it was already mewing quite loudly anyway, but it's a tiny kitten and he could easily have stood on it if he came down the stairs, where it had been sitting out of view. He is already in the middle of a hard and uncertain time leaving school, starting college, anxiety in general as well as dealing with his feelings girl, and also the suicide of a school friend. He ended up crying, not so much about the cat itself, but that his dad had gone against his wishes and got the cat anyway. He went and asked his dad if he just had to accept this, to which the reply was yes, no further conversation. But then I have to deal with all the emotions from ds, not his dad. And as the evening went on, the cat was sitting outside ds's bedroom constantly mewing while he was trying to do his homework for starting college this week. He has very early starts all week and just wanted to get his work done and get to bed. Ds12 was trying to get to sleep, all this while dh was sitting downstairs out of the way with his headphones on watching Jimmy Carr and laughing his head off, oblivious to everything.
I also went to bed, and heard dh downstairs putting the cat in the conservatory, so I could now hear it mewing from my room, not to mention it gets bloody cold in there on a night. Now today dh goes to work (WFH weds Thurs and Fri but out mon and Tuesday) and I have no idea what to do with this kitten while we're all out. DS16 should be home by around 2pm today, but says he doesn't want to come back if the cat is going to be here. Ds12 is going to be here on his own for a couple of hours as he doesn't start school til later this morning, and now he has to think about making sure the cat doesn't escape when he goes out. It's just another layer of worry that we didn't need. I know that lots of animal lovers will think this is a ridiculous overreaction, but it's how the kids feel, and I understand it. And I have to deal with the consequences, not dh. He never has to deal with anything. If anyone has seen any of my other threads, you might get what I mean. All the kids want is to be able to relax a bit when they get home, and DS16 in particular feels like he doesn't have that now, especially at the start of what is going to be a stressful two years of A levels.
Is this a complete overreaction on our part? Is dh well within his rights to get a pet?

OP posts:
FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 09/09/2024 12:10

WinkyTinky · 09/09/2024 12:01

This is the reply to my message to dh telling him I could not see the cat, was worried about the cold conservatory and missing the comfort of its mum, and that I had changed the milk for water -

Max is 13 weeks old.
He is under the sofa in the conservatory.
He is fine.
Cats go out at night (so not cold).
He just needs time to get used to his new surroundings.
Once he knows his environment he will sleep in the lounge.
You can let him into the garden when you get home (for a short period)..
He will like that.
He just needs love/kindness and someone to look after him.

I definitely won't be letting him out in the garden where there are plenty of gaps in the fence onto the outside path where all the dogs are.

Do not let a 13 week old kitten outside. He will not be ok. Your husband shouldn't have a cat either.

Please call a rescue and say the kitten has been abandoned and take him there.

AlisonDonut · 09/09/2024 12:13

This CANNOT be fucking real?

thestudio · 09/09/2024 12:14

It's all vanity and narcissism. He wants to think of himself as a guy with a family - without caring for them. He wants to think of himself as a guy whose family has a cat - without caring for it.

Ugh.

MaybeImbad · 09/09/2024 12:14

Please rehome this kitten as soon as you get back - take it to the nearest shelter.

The poor thing doesn’t deserve this. Your husband is wrong and knows nothing about caring for a kitten properly.

I wish you all the very best with everything else you are dealing with.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/09/2024 12:17

AlisonDonut · 09/09/2024 12:13

This CANNOT be fucking real?

Sadly, rescue centres deal with shit alot worse than this all the time.

Kokomjolk · 09/09/2024 12:17

OK, your husband definitely doesn't deserve a cat.

He sounds like an idiot who has no idea that a little kitten requires a different kind of care to an adult cat.

Whatisyourfavouriteflower · 09/09/2024 12:19

Thestreets · 09/09/2024 11:58

This is one of the fucking nastiest threads I have read in a while. All of the posters think it's OK to call the OP all of these names, weird psychopaths, heartless, cold etc.

You should all take a long hard look in the mirror. This boy is clearly going through a lot with potential ND, mental health issues and the suicide of a school friend.

How about you take your empathy for this little kitten and show some towards OP who is clearly struggling with a lot on her plate at the moment.

Yes it's a nasty thread because it's about cruelty to an animal.

ttcat37 · 09/09/2024 12:20

Your husband is very unreasonable for getting a kitten when it was clear that the whole family wasn’t in agreement. Rescues usually insist that the whole family meets the pet before adoption. Can you find out where he got it from? If he has lied to a rescue then they will want it returning.
If were you i would point blank refuse to do anything for the kitten. That’s if you decide to stay with your ‘D’H.

Purplebunnie · 09/09/2024 12:20

Your husband is clueless regarding cats. You don't just let them out into a garden they aren't familiar with. You have to stay with them and supervise them.

We've always put our kittens on a lead and taken them around, or as happened last time our old cat supervised them and showed them the ropes

AsYouWiiiiiiiiiiiiish · 09/09/2024 12:20

Your husband is incredibly ignorant.

Kittens CANNOT drink cows milk (goats milk is fine) and they also cannot go outside until neutered and they have had their full course of vaccines.

For someone who wanted a cat so badly, he seems incredibly blasé about actual pet care

Sartre · 09/09/2024 12:21

Your DH knew how you all felt about a pet but went against your wishes. He’s a selfish idiot. The cat should be rehomed or taken back to wherever he got it from.

MaryEllenWaldron · 09/09/2024 12:23

Thestreets · 09/09/2024 11:58

This is one of the fucking nastiest threads I have read in a while. All of the posters think it's OK to call the OP all of these names, weird psychopaths, heartless, cold etc.

You should all take a long hard look in the mirror. This boy is clearly going through a lot with potential ND, mental health issues and the suicide of a school friend.

How about you take your empathy for this little kitten and show some towards OP who is clearly struggling with a lot on her plate at the moment.

The kitten is a baby. She's not a thing, and she's already being abused by neglect. She is an innocent who has no power, crying for her mother. The OP needs to call her local branch of Cat's Protection so that she can be taken into the care of people who love and understand her, and will find her a proper home. The OP seems to have no sympathy whatsoever for this traumatised little creature. Her son is nearly an adult. The whole family are behaving like drama queens. Of course she's being criticised.

ilovesooty · 09/09/2024 12:24

Of course a 13 week old unvaccinated and unneutered cat can't be let out into the garden. Max needs to be rehomed responsibly as a matter of urgency.

Whatafustercluck · 09/09/2024 12:25

Please don't let the kitten outside. They should be fully vaccinated, wormed, fleaed, neutered and microchipped before being let out, initially under supervision and for small amounts of time. At 13 weeks, the poor thing will have about as much awareness of the dangers of the outside world as a toddler. I bet the garden isn't even kitten proofed.

Op, I think you need to remove the kitten yourself to an animal shelter. 75% of the household don't want it and your dh hasn't got the faintest idea about animal welfare. If it stays, it'll be a problem cat due to lack of care and socialisation. Then it'll be much more difficult to rehome and end up being put to sleep. It really is kinder to remove it now, to someone who will love and care for it.

ToastCrumbsInMyBed · 09/09/2024 12:27

You say your DS is 'probably' ND. Is he receiving the professional supports he needs? Everything will be more difficult for him if not.

A 13 week old cat cannot be outside as it's too young to have been neutered. What vaccinations has it received? Did your husband receive its file with proof of those administered? I'm amazed somebody would bring home a cat without realising that it has to be kept in for a minimum of two weeks for it to know its surroundings and want to come back after being let out. Your DH hasn't even read the basics. I can see why you dislike him.

ilovesooty · 09/09/2024 12:27

I bet he got it from some backyard breeder and it isn't even 13 weeks old anyway. So what are you going to do about it, OP?

leftorrightnow · 09/09/2024 12:30

It is unacceptable for one partner to get a pet without consent from the other. You both share a home and a pet has quite an impact, good and bad, nt to mention financial, logistical and cleaning implications!

HOWEVER, rarely have I heard of kids NOT wanting pets, it is usually the opposite, kids longing for pets and parents saying no😅. Perhaps I am infering something wrong here, but could it be that YOU don't want a pet and have influenced your kids to take your side? Most kids adore pets, and pets have been shown to be very beneficial for stress reduction, mental health etc.

anyolddinosaur · 09/09/2024 12:31

If you let the kitten out it will probably disappear looking for it's mother. It may then die on a road. DONT let it out. Good cat owners try to get their cats in at night as it's when more of them are killed on roads. Your husband has no idea.

Take the cat to a rescue centre, if you can find one.

wastingtimeonhere · 09/09/2024 12:32

I'd be removing the poor kitten to someone who will love and care for it. I'd be worried that neglect would turn to abuse.
Then I'd have serious row discussion with DH over making that kind of unilateral decision. Then, the son would be told to get his shit together. Crying over a kitten is pathetic, ND or not, demanding his decision is foremost is bonkers.
Looks like the males in the house all need to get a grip!

MarkWithaC · 09/09/2024 12:33

For the love of God get the kitten to a good shelter (as a kitten rather than an adult it will find a new home fast) or a knowledgeable friend/family member if you have one. Otherwise it will end up ill/disturbed/dead.

Lavenderblossoms · 09/09/2024 12:35

That poor kitten :-( it didn't ask to be brought there. Please do the right thing and take it to an animal shelter or rescue.

Then I'd be having a strict word with your husband. Don't bring an animal home without the agreeing of everyone living in the household.

I would say to your husband, already you're not looking after it properly. It's just a baby and it needs comfort, love and food. It will be ao confused. That's why it's meowing the poor little sod.

Tell him if he wants a pet then he can move out and have one.

TheEyesOfLucyJordon · 09/09/2024 12:35

Thestreets · 09/09/2024 11:58

This is one of the fucking nastiest threads I have read in a while. All of the posters think it's OK to call the OP all of these names, weird psychopaths, heartless, cold etc.

You should all take a long hard look in the mirror. This boy is clearly going through a lot with potential ND, mental health issues and the suicide of a school friend.

How about you take your empathy for this little kitten and show some towards OP who is clearly struggling with a lot on her plate at the moment.

Thank you @Thestreets

Stand with you 100%.

FranticFrankie · 09/09/2024 12:35

Poor little kitty.
Your DH wouldn’t have been able to adopt a rescue cat as no reputable shelter would let him! So he brings home a baby animal that needs love and care and dumps on you. And apparently no research done as he left milk not water
As he brought the kitten home without consent, maybe you could rehome it without his consent.
A stupid move on his part- for your family as well as poor kitten.

Lavenderblossoms · 09/09/2024 12:38

wastingtimeonhere · 09/09/2024 12:32

I'd be removing the poor kitten to someone who will love and care for it. I'd be worried that neglect would turn to abuse.
Then I'd have serious row discussion with DH over making that kind of unilateral decision. Then, the son would be told to get his shit together. Crying over a kitten is pathetic, ND or not, demanding his decision is foremost is bonkers.
Looks like the males in the house all need to get a grip!

Do you have zero empathy?

ND people can get overwhelmed by change. The boy is already going through a lot of stress. In his mind, this is another change to deal with. The sound alone can be enough to cause overwhelm.

I'm a huge animal lover but I am of the firm belief of don't get one unless you're prepared for life. This is not the occasion here. No one in the household wants one apart from the husband. Kittens can be like toddlers, they are hard work because they are only babies and need attention, love and care.

The one you should be angry with is the husband. Not an ND child who can't help his mind when it's overwhelmed.

PortiasBiscuit · 09/09/2024 12:38

All children want pets, of course they do. What have you done to yours?