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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH is being weird about the neighbours

116 replies

Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:15

DH is doing my head in, basically being a weird af curtain twitcher

To be fair he’s much more of a “chat to the neighbours” type person and I barely know any of their names. I’ll just smile/wave if I see them in the morning and carry on with my life. That’s always been our dynamic and never been an issue.

We have been going through some significant issues TTC and our neighbours are having a baby. Their due date is any day now and it’s made DH crazy? Every time he hears their car he’s peeking to see if they might be going to the hospital or coming back with the baby? The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon”

On one hand it’s nice he’s excited for them but he’s taking it way too far imo. When I’ve tried to tell him that I’m finding it a bit much he’s said I am being miserable

I know I’m a bit tetchy but I’m not being mean spirited about it.. I have even bought them a present and card etc for when the baby is here.

Someone please help me understand why he’s gone crazy because I’m on my last nerve 😂

OP posts:
LoremIpsumCici · 07/09/2024 13:22

I don’t think his actions are crazy? Nothing wrong with being observant as to what is going on with the neighbours.

NoNameNoPlace · 07/09/2024 13:23

YANBU he’s being very insensitive by bringing up a new baby constantly when you are struggling to conceive.

Skyrainlight · 07/09/2024 13:24

My husband is quite the curtain twitcher too so I wouldn't find this unusual.

Werehalfwaythere · 07/09/2024 13:24

I don't think you've given enough examples for us to know he's gone crazy.

Having said that, TTC is very tiring and emotional. Totally get why you don't want to talk about the neighbours pregnancy.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:25

NoNameNoPlace · 07/09/2024 13:23

YANBU he’s being very insensitive by bringing up a new baby constantly when you are struggling to conceive.

To be honest even without that… just the fact that he is so invested in what’s going on with the neighbours? I find it weird, but maybe that’s just because I’m not like that about people I don’t really know.

He will chat to them if he sees them when he’s getting in the car etc but it’s not like we’ve ever been to their house or spent time with them

OP posts:
Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:26

Werehalfwaythere · 07/09/2024 13:24

I don't think you've given enough examples for us to know he's gone crazy.

Having said that, TTC is very tiring and emotional. Totally get why you don't want to talk about the neighbours pregnancy.

Like he will literally jump up off the sofa if he thinks he’s heard them leaving the house!

and the other day he was trying to work out if his (the neighbours) mum was bringing gifts when he saw her pop over the other day

OP posts:
Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:29

And - as much as he will chat to neighbours, he’s never been so curtain twitchy before and we’ve lived here for 8 years

OP posts:
Spidey66 · 07/09/2024 13:29

I'd probably say to him 'why are you so interested? It's not your baby....or is it?'

justfornow1 · 07/09/2024 13:30

The only reason I check if my neighbour is outside is so I know whether it's clear to make a run for the car without getting caught for a chat 🤪

FuzzyDiva · 07/09/2024 13:31

What about his TTC emotions? Perhaps this is how he’s coping and just because it’s different or annoying to you, don’t mean he’s doing anything wrong.

theduchessofspork · 07/09/2024 13:33

I don’t think he’s being crazy he’s just responding to your fertility issues as a couple by fixating on their baby.

You just need to tell him to keep it to himself as it’s bothering you.

LoremIpsumCici · 07/09/2024 13:34

I don’t understand how you think he is too invested in the neighbours just by observing their comings and goings, but you aren’t too invested when you have literally bought a gift and card for them?

I agree too he may be coping with the TTC in his own way. Maybe he is doing a bit of hopeful vicarious living by thinking that could be me in a year! I may be fitting the car seat in our car…

He isn’t doing any harm.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:37

LoremIpsumCici · 07/09/2024 13:34

I don’t understand how you think he is too invested in the neighbours just by observing their comings and goings, but you aren’t too invested when you have literally bought a gift and card for them?

I agree too he may be coping with the TTC in his own way. Maybe he is doing a bit of hopeful vicarious living by thinking that could be me in a year! I may be fitting the car seat in our car…

He isn’t doing any harm.

I mean I bought the card/gift because he suggested it and talks to them. And we did it for our other neighbours. I might not know them very well but it’s still a big deal and I am still a nice person?

I just don’t feel the need to drop what I’m doing and peer out the window every time I hear a car door.

and maybe I’d just like him to acknowledge my feelings without judgement. Because it is hurting me, his wife.

OP posts:
Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:38

Surely observing comings and goings is like “I happened to notice Jim in the garden” not actively looking to see when they are leaving/coming back and speculating over where they’ve been

OP posts:
Doggymummar · 07/09/2024 13:41

My dog does that too, it's irritating

NiceCutRoundDomeDormice · 07/09/2024 13:42

This would drive me mad too. Who needs an hourly bulletin on whether someone you barely know has gone into labour?!

Next time he mentions it, tell him to for Christ’s sake shut his bloody cakehole. If he says you’re being “miserable” again, reply “Fine, I’m miserable - I still don’t bloody care!!!”

Happyinarcon · 07/09/2024 13:42

I think you might be monitoring his behavior a bit much. He’s allowed the freedom to look out if the curtains and make idle conversation

NiceCutRoundDomeDormice · 07/09/2024 13:44

Happyinarcon · 07/09/2024 13:42

I think you might be monitoring his behavior a bit much. He’s allowed the freedom to look out if the curtains and make idle conversation

But it’s the OP who has to listen to this inane drivel.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:58

Doggymummar · 07/09/2024 13:41

My dog does that too, it's irritating

Note to self: don’t get a dog 😂

OP posts:
Clotheshorsewhisperer · 07/09/2024 14:00

Could the baby be his? Sorry but that's creepy as hell behaviour. In fact I'm the type of person to say it out loud in front of the neighbours about the behaviour. It's stalkerish. There's a huge difference between what your husband is doing and being observant.

Either that baby is his or he's got an unhealthy obsession with the mum to be/baby. That's what's going through my mind anyway.

redtrain123 · 07/09/2024 14:06

Is dh more of a people person?. I’ll chat and come in with the street news, but my dh is not interested at all.

NunyaBeeswax · 07/09/2024 14:08

It seems like he considers them as not just 'The Neighbours' but actually people he likes and chats too and knows the names of, almost closer to friends. Acquaintances I suppose.

He's excited for his friends / acquaintances.

I don't see an issue with that. If they were complete strangers he didn't know or had never spoken too, that may be different.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:09

Clotheshorsewhisperer · 07/09/2024 14:00

Could the baby be his? Sorry but that's creepy as hell behaviour. In fact I'm the type of person to say it out loud in front of the neighbours about the behaviour. It's stalkerish. There's a huge difference between what your husband is doing and being observant.

Either that baby is his or he's got an unhealthy obsession with the mum to be/baby. That's what's going through my mind anyway.

He is the sort of person who will talk to you for five minutes and he’s your best friend kind of guy. A bit like a Labrador. One of the reasons I love him despite not being like that myself. So I’m pretty sure he is genuinely just excited for them, that’s the sort of person he is. But I do feel like this is a bit much considering our circumstances.

if it was his baby that would really take the piss out of the £££ we just paid for private genetic testing - the stats so far would suggest a big fat NO

OP posts:
SugarHorseSpooks · 07/09/2024 14:09

At the same time the govt are the ones that need your dh when or if anything happens in the neighbourhood etc

MounjaroUser · 07/09/2024 14:10

Could the baby be his?

FFS that's a hell of a reach, even by MN standards, and very cruel to the OP.