Is DH is being weird about the neighbours

[Avocando]

DH is doing my head in, basically being a weird af curtain twitcher

To be fair he’s much more of a “chat to the neighbours” type person and I barely know any of their names. I’ll just smile/wave if I see them in the morning and carry on with my life. That’s always been our dynamic and never been an issue.

We have been going through some significant issues TTC and our neighbours are having a baby. Their due date is any day now and it’s made DH crazy? Every time he hears their car he’s peeking to see if they might be going to the hospital or coming back with the baby? The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon”

On one hand it’s nice he’s excited for them but he’s taking it way too far imo. When I’ve tried to tell him that I’m finding it a bit much he’s said I am being miserable

I know I’m a bit tetchy but I’m not being mean spirited about it.. I have even bought them a present and card etc for when the baby is here.

Someone please help me understand why he’s gone crazy because I’m on my last nerve 😂

🤣🤣🤣

I dont think its weird. I get excited about random peoples stuff like this

My partner jumps up and runs to the window 90% of the time when someone walks past. It drives me insane, he calls it neighbourhood watch. He’s 21 years older than me so maybe it’s a generational thing.

I wish it were as simple as just being jealous. I really dislike this “you are jealous of someone having a baby because you aren’t and that’s your issue” trope whenever it’s comes to infertility/TTC etc. it really oversimplifies the emotional upheaval of it all and tbh does nothing to help.

like I have stated before. I’m not mad he’s happy for them. I am happy for them too and I’m glad they don’t have to go through the shitty things we are because I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

I just don’t need to hear a constant stream of commentary about whether or not Dave’s mum has arrived and does that mean they’ve had the baby and she’s visiting, or you think she’s just popped in, and now maybe they are at the hospital because his cars not here.

it would still annoy me if the newsfeed was about someone’s new conservatory or hearing about Sharon’s sister who’s having an affair (but he’s not usually like that)

Also putting “gently” before something doesn’t magically make it a kind thing to say.

just like “I’m not being rude, but..” doesn’t make the thing you are saying not rude

Is fucking odd, it would drive me crazy

I’m not even joking, he just got out of bed to look out the window. I’m sleeping in the spare room

Why did you even mention TTC if you’re so sure jealousy hasnt
played a part in this?

I'd interpret that as neighbour being prepared to help out with DD if necessary.

If I didn’t and then mentioned it later it would be “you can’t drip feed” etc etc

I see the posters saying that he is being insensitive to you and your struggles for TTC (I'm sorry that it's taking a while as a side. I understand how stressful it is).
But I wonder if this is him exhibiting that he is struggling with TTC as well, and perhaps he is inwardly jealous of them? And is over compensating with being "okay" with it all to himself?
Sounds like you both need a good cuppa and a chat!

I think it’s fairly obvious why he is doing this, given your struggles to conceive. Poor guy is having a hard time mentally and I guess is latching onto this couple as a result. Give him a break.

He just sounds nosey to me

“He is the sort of person who will talk to you for five minutes and he’s your best friend kind of guy. A bit like a Labrador.” 😆

He’s nosey 🤷🏼‍♀️🙈 nothing more to it lol. The only thing I would say to him is the neighbours will likely end up knowing he’s a curtain twitcher…. we have one. They move around their house, pulling blinds down as we move around our property (they have the type of blinds, that when they pull one down it doesn’t always pop back).

They appear outside the same time as us, more times than could be a coincidence, they’ll inspect their car which they park on the road not the driveway- whilst chatting to DH kind of thing. If you want to know something, you ask him and he will embellish and tell you what he knows. Everybody knows he’s a nosey gossip, we also know he tells whoppers- which is the dangerous part.

This may be his way of coping but he needs to reign it in a bit Op. The NDN aren't going to want him popping in or trying to get too involved, tell him to give them some privacy.

He got up in the night to look out of the window at them?

Ok, that's just not normal. That's edging into obsession territory.

I think you need to have a chat about it and say you're worried about his fixation on them and concerned whether this high level of interest in their comings and going has the potential to turn into obsession or stalking further down the road.

The stress he is putting on you getting up and down to look out of the window and asking you what do you think is happening can’t be helping with your struggles to conceive.

Next time he does it tell him that his actions aren’t helping anyone. How would you know if NDNs have had the baby or not. Why doesn’t he go ask them what is happening in their lives every hour on the hour to keep him informed.

If he wants to help he could start Googling diet and exercise to give him and you the best chances to conceive

I am no expert but his cortisol levels and by extension your cortisol levels aren’t helped by him being in a state of anxiety and feeling compelled to jump up at every single noise from outside.

He needs to concentrate on his own problems instead of making NDNs the problem he needs to focus on

Well, that was my first thought, but from what the OP says, it long predates the neighbour’s pregnancy and their own attempt to conceive, and he’s just generally the type of person who leaps off the sofa to the window if he hears neighbourly activity…

OP, I’m sorry you’re struggling to conceive. Best wishes for it, and be kind to yourself. I couldn’t be married to a curtain twitcher. He needs to get out of the house more. Suggest time-consuming outdoor hobbies.

It doesn't predate their TTC - the OP literally said "And - as much as he will chat to neighbours, he’s never been so curtain twitchy before and we’ve lived here for 8 years"

He’s NOT usually a curtain twitcher, I couldn’t have been married to him for 12 years if that were the case!

But he’s also part of the struggle to conceive? What about his feelings?

I dunno. I view it as simply observing when you are alerted by either sight or sound. No difference to me to notice Jim in the garden by sight or Jim leaving in the car by hearing a car door.

Have you mentioned your feelings to him? If not, how does he know it hurts you? And do you know why it hurts you as opposed to your earlier description that it was merely irritating?

This suggests that it may be because of the baby then, as I’m assuming that’s the only significant thing that’s happened publicly in your street recently that he’s noticed and is talking about a lot.

sounds like he may be struggling himself with TTC and he may be jealous even if you aren’t. It’s worth having a chat with him about his feelings. People often forget about the man’s feelings during TTC, assuming they are just happy because they’re getting so much sex.

He’s just text me to say that they’ve had the baby - the midwife knocked on the wrong door (ours) when she came to visit them at home.

Hopefully he will chill out a bit now.

And as for all your suggestions about talking to him about his feelings about TTC. Obviously we have done this. Many many times. You can’t go through a long time TTC, multiple miscarriages and investigations and NOT talk about it. But go ahead and tell me I’m not thinking of my husbands feelings despite voicing that I have been supportive but the behaviour is wearing thin.

In this instance it was dismissed and I got called a misery. Maybe that’s true and I am trying to learn not to judge other peoples reactions to things when they aren’t what you expect.

I would urge you to consider how you judge other people when they are trying to express how they feel, even when those emotions are what you consider to be ugly