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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH is being weird about the neighbours

116 replies

Avocando · 07/09/2024 13:15

DH is doing my head in, basically being a weird af curtain twitcher

To be fair he’s much more of a “chat to the neighbours” type person and I barely know any of their names. I’ll just smile/wave if I see them in the morning and carry on with my life. That’s always been our dynamic and never been an issue.

We have been going through some significant issues TTC and our neighbours are having a baby. Their due date is any day now and it’s made DH crazy? Every time he hears their car he’s peeking to see if they might be going to the hospital or coming back with the baby? The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon”

On one hand it’s nice he’s excited for them but he’s taking it way too far imo. When I’ve tried to tell him that I’m finding it a bit much he’s said I am being miserable

I know I’m a bit tetchy but I’m not being mean spirited about it.. I have even bought them a present and card etc for when the baby is here.

Someone please help me understand why he’s gone crazy because I’m on my last nerve 😂

OP posts:
EarthSight · 07/09/2024 14:50

The other day he came in like “I’ve just seen Dave installing the car seat, it must be soon

That actually made me laugh 😂 He's quite invested.

Like he will literally jump up off the sofa if he thinks he’s heard them leaving the house

Yeah that's too much isn't it. I'd be concerned if they could see him. Is he an anxious type of character? This type of behaviour would indicate that he probably is.

I can definitely see why this would turn a lot of people off. It's a bit like having a nervous terrier who shoots up to stand guard on the back of the sofa to peer out of the window & yap at the smallest sound. We used to have one who used to bark if she heard me sneeze from inside my house!

Bluesandwhites · 07/09/2024 14:51

@Clotheshorsewhisperer

Stranger things have happened ! This was years ago, but 3 former neighbours of mine were chatting over the garden fence, one of them was holding her 16 month old baby, and this neighbour's husband came back from work. The mum said " Ah, here's your Daddy, give your Dad a kiss" and the baby leaned over the fence and kissed the next door neighbour !

thursdaymurderclub · 07/09/2024 14:54

he's excited.. for his neighbours who are expecting their little bundle imminently, and probably also excited for when it's his turn. when you say you are TTC, how long have you been trying? months? years?

i think its nice that he's paying attention, tells me that when its time he will be a better support for you

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:54

housemaus · 07/09/2024 14:23

Some really odd replies here I think - why is everyone taking OP's husband in such bad faith?

FWIW my first thought on reading it was that TTC was obviously taking its toll on him - if this had been the other way round and a husband was wondering why their wife was curtain twitching about the neighbour's baby I feel pretty sure that everyone would be like "it's hard trying to conceive, she's probably fixating on what they have and what she wants, give her some grace because it must be difficult for her watching them prepare for something you really want". I feel the same about him.

Spot on.

OP wants her "feelings acknowledged" but doesn't seem too concerned about his.

Just tell him you're not interested in his observations. I'm sure that will strengthen the bond...

ineedtogwtoutbeforeitatoohot · 07/09/2024 14:56

We were a bit like that when our ndn baby was due we aren't that friendly but we found it exciting !

krustykittens · 07/09/2024 15:12

It sounds like he is living vicariously through your neighbours for an experience he is yearning for. I can see why it would get on your nerves but I would cut him some slack.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 15:14

thursdaymurderclub · 07/09/2024 14:54

he's excited.. for his neighbours who are expecting their little bundle imminently, and probably also excited for when it's his turn. when you say you are TTC, how long have you been trying? months? years?

i think its nice that he's paying attention, tells me that when its time he will be a better support for you

We’ve been TTC for a few years, had multiple miscarriages. Waiting for an appointment with the recurrent miscarriage clinic which we’ve been on the waiting list for for months, no idea of how much longer we will have to wait. Have had appointments but they’ve been cancelled. They also are reluctant to see me in endo clinic until I’ve had the miscarriage appt or try contraception so now I’m in limbo. Went for an IUD to relieve some Endo symptoms and see maybe if we can now squeeze into endo clinic while we are waiting on what is by all accounts and excruciatingly long wait to be seen by the miscarriage clinic.

but regardless of how long anyone has been TTC/ how “bad” they had had it… I wouldn’t be judging anyone finding TTC hard.

OP posts:
YouveGotAFastCar · 07/09/2024 15:16

We moved house at 37 weeks pregnant and our neighbours seemed to be obsessed with our baby - one ran up the street after us to introduce themselves, and they were all very aware of every hospital visit we had! They'd come out and say that they'd seen us load the car, or they thought we'd been gone for long enough to be at the hospital and we might come back with a baby, etc.

I didn't find it that weird, people like to get very involved in pregnancies, in my experience! I was forever getting opinions on it being twins/sex predictions/food recommendations/parenting advice, from when I was first showing.

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 15:18

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/09/2024 14:54

Spot on.

OP wants her "feelings acknowledged" but doesn't seem too concerned about his.

Just tell him you're not interested in his observations. I'm sure that will strengthen the bond...

Show quote history

But I have acknowledged it’s nice that he is excited about it, to his face. I have helped him pick out a present for them. I have listened to it for the last couple of weeks now.

but somehow the person he has married asking him to calm down a little bit is a bit much? Him calling me a misery is ok? I haven’t called him bonkers to his face even though I don’t get it, I’ve spoken to him like an adult and told him how I feel. It goes both ways surely?

OP posts:
samanthablues · 07/09/2024 15:18

Your husband sounds very bored and needs to get a life.

Tryingtoconceivenumber2 · 07/09/2024 15:20

We were a bit like this with our neighbours but we are very close. Days / nights out together. Play dates for older kids, have spare keys for each other etc.

However we were both pregnant at the same time and were each others fall back for child care for older DC if labour progressed quickly and grandparents couldn't get there quick enough.

I think people can just get very excited when a new baby is coming but I understand why you feel he is being insensitive and I do think it is thoughtless of him x

Stressfordays · 07/09/2024 15:25

It seems normal for me but we're all a nosey bunch of neighbours up here. All very close too. Just last night, I'd had a nasty incident with a broken bowl and went knocking on my neighbours door for some help patching up my hand. Then the other neighbour had text me to see if I'm ok as they'd seen me walking across with my hand wrapped in a bloody tea towel 🤣

NiceCutRoundDomeDormice · 07/09/2024 15:29

i think its nice that he's paying attention, tells me that when its time he will be a better support for you

But he’s not being very supportive now, when the OP is asking him to cut out playing News 24.

oakleaffy · 07/09/2024 15:30

Is he carrying a torch for the woman?

Buying her a present and a card in advance is deeply strange.

Why is he still invested?

It’s someone else’s baby-surely.

Lovefromjuliaxo · 07/09/2024 15:36

Avocando · 07/09/2024 14:34

One thing I will say is this: it surprises me how many people seem to be ok with being a bit of a curtain twitcher… defo reconsidering how much the street might be taking notice of us as well now 😂👀

Yeah, sadly I am guilty of this, mostly because at my bf’s place the house opposite doesn’t have curtains and they continuously stare in. Sometimes I just wave to them to be a dick.

Yalta · 07/09/2024 15:43

I would find all this chatting and friendliness a bit creepy especially as I am sure they have seen him peeking at them whenever they come in or go out.

Your dh sounds like he is heading for a breakdown and is obsessing over one thing he feels he can know everything about.

How would he feel if he didn’t actually get up and look when he heard them come home the next time he heard their car arriving

If he literally can’t sit down and ignore what is going on outside then he really does need help

Begsthequestion · 07/09/2024 15:46

LoremIpsumCici · 07/09/2024 13:22

I don’t think his actions are crazy? Nothing wrong with being observant as to what is going on with the neighbours.

It's a tad insensitive to op, given he and his spouse are struggling to conceive.

Lovefromjuliaxo · 07/09/2024 15:56

Avocando · 07/09/2024 15:18

But I have acknowledged it’s nice that he is excited about it, to his face. I have helped him pick out a present for them. I have listened to it for the last couple of weeks now.

but somehow the person he has married asking him to calm down a little bit is a bit much? Him calling me a misery is ok? I haven’t called him bonkers to his face even though I don’t get it, I’ve spoken to him like an adult and told him how I feel. It goes both ways surely?

Show quote history

Have you told him that you’re uncomfortable talking about it so much? If you have, he really needs to respect it, even if it’s the elephant in the room. He sounds like he would benefit from some counselling, someone unbiased to talk to as it seems like he’s struggling with his feelings over TTC…perhaps he’s worried about his sperm (if that’s not been looked into) and was hoping conceiving a baby would happen straight away. I’d be all set to blame him/saying he fancied her if it seemed like the case, but it sounds like he’s talking to both neighbours/watching both and not just the mum. I think people on here need to think about what their opinion on this would be if it was a woman TTC.

i genuinely think he is getting too invested, but it comes from a place of jealousy and wishing that he was in that situation with you. It’s okay for him to want children badly.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 07/09/2024 16:14

My husband is a meerkat as well
I find it baffling.

MrsToothyBitch · 07/09/2024 16:16

If I make a concerted, Pollyanna-ish effort to be that interested and enthusiastic about something, I'm trying to fake it til I make it tbh. Usually because my actual feelings are less sunshiney, for personal reasons but I'm distinctly aware that I can't show that to the outside world. Babies tend to make me panic about whether we'll ever have one. But that's no ones fault and I'll be damned if people know it.

Not saying that this is the answer and you both sound incredibly nice and happy for your neighbours, but it sounds to me like he doth protest too much. I'd just ask him outright if he's finding the idea of a new baby so near but yet so far to be a bit much given your present situation, even though he obviously wishes them well- you're just amazed at his enthusiasm.

neilyoungismyhero · 07/09/2024 16:19

Maybe your husband needs a hobby. He sounds bored shitless.

Skyrainlight · 07/09/2024 16:21

PrincessOfPreschool · 07/09/2024 14:38

Wow, I'm gosh I'm not the only one with an H like this. Dh is obsessed with what's going on in the road. He is "working from home" (looking out of the window) and keeps me constantly updated (Amazon van came but we didn't get our delivery it was for number 3, the neighbour's dog escaped, lady over the road has a new partner etc etc). I thought he was weird because I have precisely zero interest but apparently he's not alone.

Show quote history

This made me chuckle, so very familiar!

Original poster
Avocando · 07/09/2024 16:26

neilyoungismyhero · 07/09/2024 16:19

Maybe your husband needs a hobby. He sounds bored shitless.

The fact that he works from home can’t be helping

OP posts:
needsomewarmsunshine · 07/09/2024 16:43

If I was the neighbour, husband or wife I'd feel somewhat pissed off if I knew I was being watched like this. Would not see a good side to this at all.

Choochoo21 · 07/09/2024 16:43

Are you jealous that they’re having a baby?

Perhaps deep down you are which is why this is irritating you so much.

Nosey neighbours irritate me if they are being judgemental but it sounds like he’s genuinely excited for them, which is lovely.

A new baby is so exciting and I would probably be similar to your DH.

I think you need to try and separate your pain with not being able to conceive yet, with the excitement he feels for his neighbours and a new baby.
Gently, this isn’t about you.